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Original poster

How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

512 replies

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:23

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
OriginalUsername2 · 28/03/2023 18:30

Someone’s just going to have to be straight with her and tell her she’s ruining everything.

Mulhollandmagoo · 28/03/2023 18:30

I would contact the hotel to cancel all of your bookings and find somewhere else, hopefully the thought of cancelling a huge booking will change the hotels mind.

I would also speak to the groom.and ask him to have a chat with his brother maybe? Just tell him it's a bit unfair

TimeForMeToF1y · 28/03/2023 18:30

Gazelda · 28/03/2023 18:12

I'd be surprised if your insurance policy doesn't cover for exactly this sort of situation. Give the insurance company a call and see what they say.

What insurance can you get against disruption by CFs?

The threat of cancelling doesn't make sense, if the SIL couldn't get a refund when she cancelled in the past there won't be refunds for the other 19 now. The hotel will be happy to sell the rooms twice

Allmyplantsdie · 28/03/2023 18:31

I don’t really think it is fair on the hotel (who are just try to run a business) for you to cancel 10 rooms because they won’t have a conversation that you yourself are to frightened to have.
I think if they have given you exclusive use, which lets be fair it is, because no couple is going to want to stay somewhere where the other 20 odd guest are playing with inflatable cocks, I think they would flex some of the t&cs if asked. After all the no-kids is purely for the comfort of the other guests.

they have then had someone call up- say they are part of your group and book. Who are they to know all this behind the scenes drama that is going on.

someone from your party needs to speak with her. Tell her she can stay at another hotel locally and join you for some activities and dinner.

Marchintospring · 28/03/2023 18:32

So is the Op the one on Tik tok or has the Op nicked the story ?

FlamingoQueen · 28/03/2023 18:33

I would email the hotel and suggest that you are looking at other hotels and say that the only reason the hotel was booked was because it was adult only. Ask for their cancellation terms and conditions.

The other plan is that the bride sorts it out - she could say that it will not be appropriate for her nieces and nephews and she will not be responsible if they are shocked by your antics!

I would hate all of this! Good luck.

CombatBarbie · 28/03/2023 18:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Have you seen how much prom dresses cost and limo hire. We never used to do prom but we do now. Things change..... Get over it. It's an invite not a summons.

LookItsMeAgain · 28/03/2023 18:34

Allmyplantsdie · 28/03/2023 18:31

I don’t really think it is fair on the hotel (who are just try to run a business) for you to cancel 10 rooms because they won’t have a conversation that you yourself are to frightened to have.
I think if they have given you exclusive use, which lets be fair it is, because no couple is going to want to stay somewhere where the other 20 odd guest are playing with inflatable cocks, I think they would flex some of the t&cs if asked. After all the no-kids is purely for the comfort of the other guests.

they have then had someone call up- say they are part of your group and book. Who are they to know all this behind the scenes drama that is going on.

someone from your party needs to speak with her. Tell her she can stay at another hotel locally and join you for some activities and dinner.

It's perfectly fair on a hotel that advertised itself as an adult only hotel and for them to shift the goalposts and accept a booking with children.

CombatBarbie · 28/03/2023 18:34

Marchintospring · 28/03/2023 18:32

So is the Op the one on Tik tok or has the Op nicked the story ?

Does anyone have link to tik tok video?

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 28/03/2023 18:34

Look what just popped up on TikTok... exactly the same scenario Hmm

vm.tiktok.com/ZMY4hoTdj/

Fundays12 · 28/03/2023 18:34

https://www.which.co.uk/consumer-rights/regulation/distance-selling-regulations-aAijb9Q8UT3V#what-were-the-distance-selling-regulations

OP I think it's covered under the distance selling regulations. Read up on it then write a formal complaint based around. Give them a deadline to cancel the kids from the hotel or you all cancel. They don't even have to explain its a complaint to the your SIL just state that legally they cannot have your children in the hotel as it's sold as an adults only hotel which means they are breaching selling laws by allowing kids there

Distance Selling Regulations - Which?

The Distance Selling Regulations no longer apply in UK law. As of 13 June 2014 they have been replaced by the Consumer Contracts Regulations.

https://www.which.co.uk/consumer-rights/regulation/distance-selling-regulations-aAijb9Q8UT3V#what-were-the-distance-selling-regulations

OngoingCrisis · 28/03/2023 18:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Didn't realise that a holiday that everyone has agreed to in order to celebrate an upcoming marriage was "entitled". I also didn't realise that if you don't like something that someone is doing, it deserves to be ruined

Janedoe82 · 28/03/2023 18:36

I think the best thing to do would be to speak to the sister in law. If still not budging tell the brides husband and let him deal with it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/03/2023 18:38

TimeForMeToF1y · 28/03/2023 18:30

What insurance can you get against disruption by CFs?

The threat of cancelling doesn't make sense, if the SIL couldn't get a refund when she cancelled in the past there won't be refunds for the other 19 now. The hotel will be happy to sell the rooms twice

Show quote history

I love this idea - a disruption by CFs clause! That should totally be a thing.

Janedoe82 · 28/03/2023 18:40

I assume the Tik Tok and OP are same people. It’s a local Tik ToK 🙄

Oopswediditagain2023 · 28/03/2023 18:42

Omg this is shocking! You aren't being unreasonable

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 18:43

I dont have TikTok and I have watched the video you have just linked how is it exactly the same. I was going to check if the bride sent it in (which I doubt) it but then The video says 5 people we are a group of 19. The difference is that we had pretty much exclusively booked the hotel more or less as we’re such a large group. The cost of living is quite common for people to cancel hen do to prioritise family holidays I totally get that. Our issue is that we booked an adult only hotel and now children are being allowed to enter so we want the hotel to cancel our booking or cancel theirs.

if you search hen do and children on mumsnet similar posts come up. So did I copy all of them also? Either help with some advice or dont.

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 28/03/2023 18:44

I would quietly cancel your booking and tell the hotel why, that they are allowing children in an adult only venue and won’t cancel that booking, and take the hit and find somewhere else, possibly even in this country if necessary, large house or sometime

i wouldn't tell sil and let her crack on

I would also tell sil quite clearing how upset she has made the bride, who does NOT want her husband and kids at her HEN do

Bubblyliquid · 28/03/2023 18:45

Published in the sun two hours before this thread:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/21862869/sister-in-law-ruined-my-hen-do/amp/

Due to get married in July. Hen weekend is booked for May and we're making the most of it and going for a five-day trip to Spain with five of the girls."Everything was ready to go until I got a text from my maid of honour to tell me that they had a situation. One of the girls - my sister-in-law - has now changed her mind and decided to come after all."Only, she's booked up her own room at the same hotel with her family."She said she couldn't justify going abroad just for a hen [do] so they've incorporated it into their family holiday and she'll split her time between the hen party and the family."I can't believe it. It kills the mood completely.

My sister-in-law's ruined my hen do in Spain, people say I'm a bridezilla but I'm livid

A BRIDE-TO-BE revealed that her sister-in-law has ruined her hen do with a shock move – but people are divided. The woman’s dilemma was discussed on the Glaswegian podcast Girls Overhea…

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/21862869/sister-in-law-ruined-my-hen-do/amp/

Ktime · 28/03/2023 18:46

SIL needs to be invited.

Hotel needs to be informed SIL is not invited and they are in breach of their adults only provision.

redrumclub · 28/03/2023 18:46

Bubblyliquid · 28/03/2023 17:29

I saw this exact situation on TikTok earlier being discussed by a talk show type show.

Yep another who came on to say this.

Ktime · 28/03/2023 18:46

SIL needs to be uninvited sorry

TimeForMeToF1y · 28/03/2023 18:47

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 18:43

I dont have TikTok and I have watched the video you have just linked how is it exactly the same. I was going to check if the bride sent it in (which I doubt) it but then The video says 5 people we are a group of 19. The difference is that we had pretty much exclusively booked the hotel more or less as we’re such a large group. The cost of living is quite common for people to cancel hen do to prioritise family holidays I totally get that. Our issue is that we booked an adult only hotel and now children are being allowed to enter so we want the hotel to cancel our booking or cancel theirs.

if you search hen do and children on mumsnet similar posts come up. So did I copy all of them also? Either help with some advice or dont.

Can you link the threads that have sils turning the hen do into their family holiday with children, there might be some helpful suggestions from others

LampLamp · 28/03/2023 18:47

I saw this exact story on TikTok earlier.

EyesOnThePies · 28/03/2023 18:50

So you have already had tough conversations with the SIL, nothing to lose.

Tell her she is not invited to the women only child-free hen. Her invitation was cancelled when she pulled out and she will not be welcome to take part in anything.

Meanwhile:

Read the hotel booking T&C
Dear hotel,
booking ref
Our booking for 10 rooms date -date was made on the basis that the hotel is an adult only hotel. Whilst we are not rowdy guests we wanted an alternative to the ‘family friendly’ places we need when travelling with our children, and to have child free time. The hotel being adult only was a key criteria in our booking.

Your hotel is described as adult only in the advertising and your T&C ref 3.11.

I appreciate that another booking was made which you took to be part of our booking. It is not part of our booking and as the person who has placed the booking for our party I am surprised you did not as me.

As the accommodation you are now offering is not as advertised and not in accordance with your T&C we consider that our agreement has been broken.

Unless you can offer an adult only environment we must ask that you make immediate refund in full and cancel our booking.

Thank you…