How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

[Pink39tree]

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

I'd tell her straight, not only did I buy her out and end up out of pocket she now wants to bring her 4 kids and my BIL to my adult only hen holiday?

Get 2 fk... she would be told in no uncertain terms.
I don't even care if she fell out, id quite happily not speak to her again. Ridiculous

It’s fine OP, apart from you using yourself and myself. Why?
it is just you and me.
“resolution from you” and “lead booker, me”

I don’t know why you have used yourselves and myself. It makes no sense that way. It is like primary teachers sending him a form and writing, “return it to myself.” Totally wrong.

Your email is well written however it’s clear if the hotel does cancel the booking for SIL then her next step is going to be crying to bride about how she has to speak to the hotel to fix it, then what?

This made me chuckle 🤣

OP, you are organising this, I think you have to take control here.

You need to put it straight to the SIL and tell her that this is an expensive hen do, for hens, and absolutely no one else (including the bride) want SILs family tagging along!

She can either pay back her share and come on her own, or butt out.

The bride and groom have to get along with her in future, you don't. It doesn't matter if she takes offence, although IME these people who cause all this upset usually have the thickest of skins.

Thank you, the only reason I used yourselves is because in the email chain it’s multiple people from the hotel that have been responding so I thought it would be plural. Is that still wrong shall I still change it?

Would the hotel move the hens a week before or after when sol is due there. That's what I'd be looking to do if it didn't inconvenience people too much, and say nothing to síl. Or the groom needs to have a word with her.

It's a good email and it allows the hotel to decide what they want to do. Get it sent and good luck!

I had my hen do and wedding in Vegas, 19 people came, all close friends/family. We had a party at home after for 100+ friends so people never felt obliged to come. We're still doing ok 18 years later so I don't think it has anything to do with length of marriage.

How do you figure that you have better principles compared to someone who has a hen do abroad? I don't understand your thinking really, people have different opinions, doesn't mean they don't have principles just because you dont agree with them.

Says more about people who can't say no to be honest, if you have principles then stick to them. I wouldn't do something that is against my principles but each to their own.

Definitely push this back to hotel.

Literally identical to a thread in AITA that was discussed on tik tok today. 0/10.

Seems like it

It's embodies rather than embody's.

I’m not sure that email is going to resolve anything, the problem is the SIL not the hotel. If the hotel does cancel her booking, she will kick off at hotel. Hotel is most likely to say ‘apologies but we’ve had multiple emails from Maid of Honour saying that they will cancel unless we tell you to do one’. Then SIL will go bonkers at you anyway. Either way, you all sound shit scared of this awful woman. The hotel are a business and they’re caught up in this family spat. Bride and groom need to go round tonight and talk to them and say it’s categorically not happening. She has to spell it out - Sorry don’t won’t a big family fall out but no way are kids going on MY HEN DO. She needs to say all the hens are dropping out because they’ve paid a fortune for a break in the sun away from their kids and husbands and someone else is bringing theirs! She needs to cry / rant / rave go nuclear at this hideous SIL.

Pm for updates on this batshittery

What a vile comment. I hate hen do but no, people don’t get what they deserve. what a truly vile statement.
says a lot.

The SIL is crazy but I do think the hotel are to blame and so they need to fix it, if they didn’t let them book with children this would not be an issue.

I do have to remain level headed because I do want to send a 10 page message to the SIL going crazy at her but I know it’s the brides family dynamic that would be strained so out of respect for her I’m trying to remain calm and let the hotel sort it first.

Can you tell the hotel you're going to dispute it with your credit card company/do a chargeback?

I’m surprised the hotel has insurance that will allow them to accommodate under 18s, if it’s usually adults only.

Perhaps they can use that as an excuse to cancel your SILs booking.

Under UK law they’d be in breach of contract if they refuse; although you’ll need to see what law governs your contract…

Wow

Nightmare OP, I hope the hotel cancel their booking. If you end up having to rebook yourselves, do not tell her where it is!

Good email. I hope you get a quick response.

Are you all inclusive at the hotel?

If not one bargaining chip could be that you will leave the hotel for the day and night and spend no money there. Where are you headed? Lots of places have hotel pools and bars that can be used if you are spending money there.

Even if you are AI you would spend extra on premium drinks / champagne? If it’s the kind of AI that has limited drinks selection.

Honestly with a SIL like this best case scenario she falls put with them permanently. Because she will cause so uch drama over the years

If you do rebook, I’d find a villa which means you do have the place to yourself.