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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:55

GoodChat · 28/03/2023 08:51

What if other people's wedding anniversaries are the other 364 days? Or birthdays? Or guests children's or parents birthdays? Or death anniversaries?

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considering they are pretty close seen as she’s a bridesmaid I would of thought the bride would of taken it into account. Of corse the brides not going to worry about when her friends sisters uncle died 8 years ago

RampantIvy · 28/03/2023 08:55

Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:50

I honestly see your point, she could have picked from another 364 days but chose that one. I’d still go to the wedding and stay all day but I do love a wedding. I’d still be annoyed that she just had to pick that day

Given that most people like to get married on a Saturday in summer that narrows it down from 364 days.

Lobelia123 · 28/03/2023 08:56

What is the real problem here? Because to most people it sounds like an absolutely lovely way to celebrate your anniversary, glow in all those happy vibes and just revel in how good you got it. Is it that you feel all the attention must be on you, becaise its YOUR ANNIVERSARY? Is no one else allowed to use the date, or get married, or have a day when theyre in the spotlight? You need to get a grip and put things in perspective. Its amazing for friends and family to find happiness and commitment, stop trying to hog it all as yours alone, theres no limit on the specialness, theres enough to go round. Just a note to add, if you do go, dont make it all about you and your aniversary. Its a lovely way to celebrate, but first and foremost at the event, its about the bride and groom. You and your husband should just be a happy side note.

VivaLesTartes · 28/03/2023 08:57

This exact thing happened to me so I hope it's not a reverse as all parties involved enjoy sharing an anniversary. Plus when it got to their wedding (my 1st anniversary) I got to go out, have a meal, stay in a nice hotel - brilliant first anniversary.
Now there are 4 of us to remember the date.

In all fairness I do remember being a bit put out when I found out the date, especially as DH had OK'd it without talking to me but I gave myself a talking to and quite quickly saw it as a nice thing. So I can understand that your initial reaction was too be hurt but if you are close enough to be a bridesmaid then you are too close to let this clash of dates ruin your friendship!

When I think back to booking our wedding there are always going to be a minimum choice available unless you book way in advance so it may have been the only suitable date for them.

Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:57

RampantIvy · 28/03/2023 08:55

Given that most people like to get married on a Saturday in summer that narrows it down from 364 days.

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I Stand corrected, another 51 days to choose from. Or now friday weddings are more coming 103 days

VivaLesTartes · 28/03/2023 09:00

If your planning just a year in advance and it's a popular location then you are probably talking single figures depending on the season.

Lobelia123 · 28/03/2023 09:01

PS< I would tactfully decline the offer to be bridesmaid so that you do spend the day with your husband, but also go to the wedding and be sure to be gracious and have a good time. Your and your husbands sulks should not bring everyone else down. I do get his point about wanting to spend the day with you, as the first anniversary is kind of special, but theres a way to compromise here for the good of all...

SVRT19674 · 28/03/2023 09:01

Get a grip, sorry but I think this is the only answer.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 28/03/2023 09:02

This has got to be one of the most bat shit OP's, I have read in all my years on MN.

You've ruined my morning, by making me feely irrationally annoyed with your stupid, pathetic post 😂

Ducksinthebath · 28/03/2023 09:03

What utter batshittery is this? Are wedding anniversaries now so special other weddings/events can't take place on them? I certainly didn't consider anyone else's anniversary for my wedding date and wouldn't give two hoots if someone booked a wedding or any other event for that matter on the day itself.

JoanThursday1972 · 28/03/2023 09:05

Bamboux · 28/03/2023 00:42

Reverse

At best

What does that mean? That the OP is really the bride and it's her friend who's had the health scare and got married a year ago? How utterly bonkers all round.

WisherWood · 28/03/2023 09:07

Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:57

I Stand corrected, another 51 days to choose from. Or now friday weddings are more coming 103 days

Show quote history

That's an awfully long summer you've got there. Global warming bad where you are, is it?

Justforlaffs · 28/03/2023 09:09

I wouldn't give a shit about being at someone else's wedding on my one year anniversary - who cares?

They 'll have booked it because it was the most convenient date for them. What are they supposed to do, ring around d checking everyones anniversary's/birthdays etc before they book their big day? You're being ridiculous.

And as for your dh "kicking off", what an embarrassing arse!

JackHackettsMac · 28/03/2023 09:10

“Husband kicked off”?

Why? He sounds ridiculous and needy. Is he normally a selfish fucker?

Ktime · 28/03/2023 09:11

With friends like these, who needs enemies? Way to make her wedding all about you, OP. You are not a blushing bride, you have been together many years. Very reversey.

Sarvanga38 · 28/03/2023 09:12

With the best will in the world, I don't suppose they had a clue it was your anniversary. People don't tend to know other people's anniversaries.

Celebrate a day early, or a day late, and enjoy your day at the wedding.

silverbubbles · 28/03/2023 09:14

You are being totally ridiculous and precious. Your poor friend.

Notamum12345577 · 28/03/2023 09:15

She probably totally forgot the date of your wedding, so wasn’t intentional I’m sure. I can’t remember anyone’s anniversary apart from my own, and I don’t think anyone remembers mine.

TheFireflies · 28/03/2023 09:16

Oh come on

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/03/2023 09:17

You'd hate DH then... he had the gall to be born on his uncle and aunts wedding anniversary!!

pontipinemum · 28/03/2023 09:18

I was very unwell in hospital for my 1st wedding anniversary. We celebrated it a few weeks later. I think you need to not mention it at all and celebrate with your husband another weekend.

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 09:18

Tirrrrred · 28/03/2023 08:41

I've not been with my husband on our 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th or 11th anniversary. I feel sad now 😥

Oh this does sound sad 😢 I hope the reason is not too sad? Is you husband always away working etc or is it something else?

sorry for asking just hope your ok

BigFloppa · 28/03/2023 09:18

Get a grip

harriethoyle · 28/03/2023 09:21

Quite the feat to be such a massive bridezilla a a year AFTER your wedding...

RosaBonheur · 28/03/2023 09:26

Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:57

I Stand corrected, another 51 days to choose from. Or now friday weddings are more coming 103 days

Show quote history

There aren't 51 Saturdays in summer.