Getting married on my first anniversary

[Savingforahome]

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

Honestly you are being overly precious and silly. The day that is 365 days after you got married isn't particularly more special and magical than the day that is 364 days or 366 days - go to the whole wedding, wholeheartedly and without leaving early, and enjoy every minute of celebrating your friend's joy. Then book yourself and DH into a fab hotel for a mini-honeymoon package for the next 2 nights including a bit of Spa and massage if you like that sort of thing, and enjoy celebrating your own year of wedded bliss together reminiscing about your own day a year ago.

Remember that the important thing is the marriage, not the wedding day or the anniversary days.

I only remember my anniversary because it's my best friend's birthday the same day!

I text her happy birthday every year and she doesn't even wish me happy anniversary, the insensitive bitch!

@Ktime she had the audacity to be born on the day you wanted to get married, decades in advance?!

Some friend she is.

For goodness sake! Just celebrate your anniversary the weekend before or after, or have a meal out at the wedding location the day before. Utterly ridiculous to be in any way offended let alone kicking off/ leaving early.

Quite honestly I dont see a problem here! Its always going to be somebodys birthday. Anniversary whatever. I think you are being a little precious! Maybe enjoy her day with her ,on the Sunday have a nice day to yourselves .

Not quite the same but we 'stole' my BF's reception venue! She was already married when I met her so i didn't know anything about her wedding. DH and i only wanted a short engagement so we're struggling to find anywhere. I met up with her one day all excited about this quirky, little known hotel I'd managed to find and discover it was where she'd got married too. Luckily she was only delighted for us and had a lovely day back there. It's now a nice link we have. (And the building has also featured on TV since which we both enjoyed!)

We'd had DS1 by our first anniversary so only had low key celebrations anyway. I think going to a wedding would be lovely so YABU.

So your relative found her 'perfect venue' (your words) and booked it for a date they had available that also didn't clash with anyone elses wedding or important events that she, her fiance or either set of parents had to attend - I'm sure you'll remember how difficult that is - and you're upset because she didn't consider your anniversary?

That sounds so cute 🥰

Meh. Honestly wouldn’t bother me in the slightest but then our anniversary is usually long gone before either of us remember it.

OP is never coming back, is she?

No, because she is so wrapped up in herself she assumed everyone would be similarly outraged. The epitome of blinkered.

It reminds me of the time I demanded my parents put me up for adoption because I was grounded on the 4 month anniversary of being with my boyfriend.

I think this is up there with one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read on here!

Wow. Grow up!

A Dailly Fail classic I would have thought.

As the OP doen't look like she is coming back to this thread I suspect that it might not be a reverse as she has had her arse handed to her on a plate.

Wild, just absolutely wild. 😂
And wth is your husband doing kicking off about it... You've been together many many years, isn't a close friend or family wedding a lovely way to celebrate because your husband will be there too! You'll have a lovely meal, stay somewhere nice and have a party.... Where is the problem, leaving early is nuts

We need to know the back story if there is one.
Could be a case of entitled family member chooses x date for their wedding knowing full well that OP has planned to do something/go away for the weekend & then starts kicking off that OP is being so unfair in not coming to her wedding & gets everyone to gang up on OP to drop her plans to pander to the golden child.

Have seen this played out so many times in families, even my own when ex SIL demanded I make DC miss not only the first week of school (different LEAs so different term dates) to attend her destination wedding & expected us to suck up paying the non attendance fines. This was the same ex SIL who threw a wobbler because another friend couldn't afford to go after her friends DP lost his job.
Ex SIL said just stick it on a credit card.

That or it's a plant by a tabloid.

@Bree82 Both

Jesus wept!

There are only so many valid wedding days per year (especially if you want a summer weekend) and venues get booked up. YABVU! You don't own the date!

@Savingforahome

Are you coming back?

Have you reflected on the overwhelming response to your question? Are you rethinking what you'll do at the wedding and how you will mark your anniversary?

I am really hoping you'll stay, celebrate and support your friend.

Ok...I know I'm gonna get some hate for saying this, but the soon to be newlyweds life does not revolve around OP...however OP'S life DOES NOT revolve around the bride to be. It's your first anniversary. It's important! You only get 1 first anniversary and after what you and your husband have gone thru...I do understand. Personally, I would drop out as a bridesmaid and maybe not go to the reception. Go to the ceremony and get them 2 or 3 REALLY KICKASS presents. I think that is a good compromise. That way, you can be with your husband all day and show the bride that she is important by going to the ceremony. The vows are the most important part of the day anyway. YANBU...please don't hate me.