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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
Mumoftwosweetboys · 28/03/2023 10:26

Are you 12? This is vvvvv unreasonable. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest?

DannyZukosSmile · 28/03/2023 10:28

Really @Savingforahome ??? All the shit going on in the world, and you choose to get upset about THIS? Confused Get a grip seriously. Hmm And yeah, as pps have said, it would be VERY rude to leave right after the dinner. And why would it be OK for her to have the wedding on YOUR second wedding anniversary, but not the first? WTF?

Nanny0gg · 28/03/2023 10:33

Get over yourselves. You can make this a special day surrounded by your family

But don't be surprised if you get uninvited if you carry on like this.

coldmarchmorn · 28/03/2023 10:34

People are really this self centred? Wow. Who knew?

acidreign · 28/03/2023 10:40

Sorry to join the pile-on, but YABVVVU. Your husband 'kicked off'? Your wedding anniversary means absolutely nothing to ANYBODY other than you and your husband. If you and he care that much about celebrating it to the exclusion of all other activities on that day then don't attend the wedding, but how dare you moan and 'kick off' and make somebody else's wedding day about yours!

I'm shocked at this post and your self-centredness.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/03/2023 10:41

Why not think of it as your anniversary week. Plan a week of celebrations with a lovely family wedding included.

CaveatmTOR · 28/03/2023 10:46

This wouldn't even register with me but my life is very hard indeed. Even if I was living my best life, this would not even register though.

I can't imagine living my life the way you and your DH do OP. The only emotion here is happiness for your friend and her future DH.

AliceTheeCamel · 28/03/2023 10:47

As pp have said, anniversaries mean nothing to anyone but the couple. I can't even remember when either my sister's or my best friend's wedding anniversaries are tbh.

But actually if you go to the wedding you get to be around all your family on your anniversary and have lovely food and drinks paid for by someone else! You wouldn't be apart from your husband for the whole day. So it's win-win really.

Blondewithredlips · 28/03/2023 10:49

KrisAkabusi · 28/03/2023 00:36

You've had your wedding. Nobody else has to put their plans on hold because you've reserved another day to be all about you. Get a grip.

This. OP you sound like hard work.

Passthechocolatesplease · 28/03/2023 10:51

KrisAkabusi · 28/03/2023 00:36

You've had your wedding. Nobody else has to put their plans on hold because you've reserved another day to be all about you. Get a grip.

This.

DannyZukosSmile · 28/03/2023 10:51

acidreign · 28/03/2023 10:40

Sorry to join the pile-on, but YABVVVU. Your husband 'kicked off'? Your wedding anniversary means absolutely nothing to ANYBODY other than you and your husband. If you and he care that much about celebrating it to the exclusion of all other activities on that day then don't attend the wedding, but how dare you moan and 'kick off' and make somebody else's wedding day about yours!

I'm shocked at this post and your self-centredness.

This. ^ I wonder if the OP is coming back? Wink

ActDottie · 28/03/2023 10:52

YABU you don’t own the day! Weddings are good fun and you’ll still be spending it with your husband

Gablonz · 28/03/2023 10:57

@Savingforahome
Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all

What do you mean husband kicked off? Is he also objecting to going to the wedding on your first anniversary?
If that's the case I think you are both being absolutely ridiculous. You've been together for years. It's your 1st anniversary - not your silver. I can see why you would be pissed off if it was a silver wedding and you wanted to celebrate but 1st? No.

I suspect though that this is a reverse or made up nonsense because surely nobody could object to a family member getting married on their 1st wedding anniversary. Celebrate him the day before or after or at some other suitable time and go and enjoy the wedding.
Hell's bells - if you had to avoid everyone's wedding anniversary when planning a wedding there would hardly be any dates available.

Throwaway0323 · 28/03/2023 11:00

Spend your anniversary dancing and enjoying the wedding, perfect way to celebrate if you ask me!

ttcat37 · 28/03/2023 11:01

I’m not usually in the minority for these sorts of posts but I think YANBU! I think it’s weird for a close family member to get married on the same day tbh. My 1st wedding anniversary was really special to me, there’s no way I would have spent it at someone else’s wedding. Should probably add that generally I don’t like big weddings/ events anyway (which was why we eloped 😁)

Divorcedalongtime · 28/03/2023 11:03

NO ONE apart from you is going to remember or care when your anniversary is. What a very odd AIBU

WishingMyLifeAway · 28/03/2023 11:05

YABVVVVU

Wow. Your poor friend. Not surprised she is upset.

You should attend for the whole day and celebrate your anniversary another day. We usually celebrate the weekend before or after anyway so just move to the other weekend.

Pipsquiggle · 28/03/2023 11:12

Genuinely, who are the 4% who think OP is NBU?
Are you newly-weds that have big plans for your 1st anniversary?

This should be 100% YABU.

Wedding anniversaries are only a big deal if they end in a '0' - and actually I don't think 10 years is that big of a deal.

Everanewbie · 28/03/2023 11:13

Fairly conclusive here, OP. I'm not sure if you're still reading responses, but I hope that you are and you are taking them on board. If you carry out your plan to leave early, know that the rest of the world thinks you're batshit and unreasonable.

We're all wrong sometimes, but its how we react once we realise this that defines us.

purplecorkheart · 28/03/2023 11:13

I doubt the Bride or Groom knew it was your anniversary. Very few people remember other people's anniversaries. You and your dh have been together for many years so really is your first anniversary that important.

How to do you mean your dh kicked off? I would be more concerned about that reaction rather than being at a wedding on my anniversay.

Mwnci123 · 28/03/2023 11:14

YABU.

Don't fall out with her over this.

LibrariansGiveUsPower · 28/03/2023 11:15

You don’t own the date, YABVU.

celebrate your anniversary another day.

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 11:26

CKL987 · 28/03/2023 10:16

Omg you don't own that day. I don't even remember my anniversary.

I almost forgot mine this year and it’s only our second 😂

IsItThough · 28/03/2023 11:27

Kindly, you have no reason to be hurt and your husband has no reason to "kick off".

Like other posters I would have thought celebrating someone else's love and happiness is the best way to celebrate your own.

Itsbytheby · 28/03/2023 11:29

YABVU.

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