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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
CheeseMunchies · 28/03/2023 08:29

I'm a teacher and so are most of my friends which means many of us are limited to the summer holidays to get married and have a honeymoon after. As a result, several of us have the same anniversaries. Never in a million years would any of/have any of felt any other way apart from absolute joy for our friends getting married on the same date.

Theraffarian · 28/03/2023 08:30

I do know one other bride who thought her first wedding anniversary was a “protected” date and even went as far as to list all the crazy reasons why the next bride shouldn’t marry on the same day another year.

Everyone thought she had lost the plot and was still being a bridezilla a year on . I think celebrating your best friends wedding , having a fabulous day including no doubt being pampered as a bridesmaid, having a lovely dinner with your husband and no doubt free entertainment in the evening is a fabulous way to celebrate love .

I would treat yourself and husband to a night at a hotel close to the venue that evening , or if that’s not practical go for dinner etc the next weekend. Honestly once you’ve been married a while , you will soon realise the world doesn’t revolve around that day , and quite often you will celebrate on the closest convenient day .

slowquickstep · 28/03/2023 08:31

How old are you OP

Scalottia · 28/03/2023 08:32

Jeepers, the problems that some people have. Reverse or not, it's a non-issue.

lazycats · 28/03/2023 08:32

YABU. It sounds like you like drama.

Rainbowshit · 28/03/2023 08:33

Are you for real?!?! 🙄

lazycats · 28/03/2023 08:33

Rainbowshit · 28/03/2023 08:33

Are you for real?!?! 🙄

Almost certainly not.

Willowtre1 · 28/03/2023 08:35

Will never for the life of me understand this sort of nonsense..it's just a day! Literally a day that happens to be 365 days after your wedding. I'm sorry to be blunt but I think you're not a good friend. Will you really leave after dinner... And do what exactly?! Why not stay, drink and dance with your husband!!!????

Ellie1015 · 28/03/2023 08:36

Things to consider when picking a date are usually more practical eg venue availability, work annual leave, preferred day of the week. Nobody considers bridesmaids anniversary.

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 08:37

@ClairDeLaLune
@RampantIvy
@Aprilx

thank you all for explaining that to me!
im fairly new to mumsnet - still trying to figure out so much lol

Tirrrrred · 28/03/2023 08:41

I've not been with my husband on our 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th or 11th anniversary. I feel sad now 😥

Twinsforthewin · 28/03/2023 08:43

I got married on August bank holiday. A lot of people do. Going to a wedding is a brilliant way to celebrate your anniversary 😂😂😂 you reminisce about your big day together, the food is free, and it's easy to rope in friends/relatives to babysit ("it's a friend's wedding" is a better sell than "we want to go for a fancy lunch together") so YABU

Lindy2 · 28/03/2023 08:43

You're acting very strange .

I really don't see what the problem is being at a wedding on your anniversary. It actually seems quite a nice way to spend the day/evening.

People are going to think you're making a ridiculous fuss about nothing (because you are).

MarchMadness23 · 28/03/2023 08:45

1/10

. husband kicking off was a major mistake
. single midnight posting

the 1 is because you did get some serious frothing.

WisherWood · 28/03/2023 08:45

Rollerpiggy · 28/03/2023 07:54

I think it’s rubbish she has done this. It’s a huge no no to take the wedding date of a close family member or friend when there are 364 other days to choose from. In fact she is ridiculous. Yeah I’d be mad as hell, and actually I wouldn’t go for that reason.

Weddings are often on a Saturday and more generally in summer. Take out bank holiday weekends as well. Then once you've found a venue you like, you're narrowed down to the days they have left. So you're actually fairly limited and I can understand why, if one good date presents itself but it happens to be the anniversary of another wedding, you just take it anyway.

I mean we might have a big reveal where the OP says this woman is actually marrying her former fiance and ex boyfriend who jilted her at the altar to be with this relative but I doubt it. It's all just extremely petty and 'don't be so selfish. What about me?'

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 28/03/2023 08:47

I wouldn't remember any cousin's anniversary. Why would I? (And even if I had, it's nothing to do with me so why would it matter what I decide to do on it)

No one's forcing you to go to the wedding. You can either grow up and go to it or not go and get an amazing Confused day with your husband for your anniversary instead.

Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:50

I honestly see your point, she could have picked from another 364 days but chose that one. I’d still go to the wedding and stay all day but I do love a wedding. I’d still be annoyed that she just had to pick that day

lv884 · 28/03/2023 08:51

I voted YABU. I know lots of people who share an anniversary. Certain dates seem to be popular wedding dates. I only really send a card for my parents’ anniversary, with the exception of one or two to close friends and relatives for the first one. So I agree that only the couple care about their anniversary. When I’ve said happy anniversary to friends, a couple have even said “Oh my God, I totally forgot!” - especially after a baby!

Weddings, especially those with lovely vows, reading and speeches, remind me of my wedding and the vows we made. We always have a lovely day at other people’s for this reason, and many other reasons of course.

I agree it’s rude to leave for this reason. You can celebrate for the entire day before or after and even book a little trip since it is so important to you to really mark it.

GoodChat · 28/03/2023 08:51

Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:50

I honestly see your point, she could have picked from another 364 days but chose that one. I’d still go to the wedding and stay all day but I do love a wedding. I’d still be annoyed that she just had to pick that day

What if other people's wedding anniversaries are the other 364 days? Or birthdays? Or guests children's or parents birthdays? Or death anniversaries?

CrunchyCarrot · 28/03/2023 08:52

Pro tip from someone who has more relationship experience than you, OP: If there's a clash with an important date, be it anniversary, birthday, working away, whatever, then re-schedule that date to the next available slot. DP and I have done this many times over the course of our relationship (27 yrs) when he's been away for his or my birthday. We just celebrate on the next available date. No hard feelings! It's just as special.

Go and enjoy your friend's wedding. Re-schedule your own anniversary for the next available date. It will be just as special. Give and take is essential to keeping a long term relationship.

rainbowstardrops · 28/03/2023 08:52

Rainbowshit · 28/03/2023 08:33

Are you for real?!?! 🙄

I highly doubt it. Nobody could be that bat shit crazy.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 28/03/2023 08:53

VictorianBathroomTiles · 28/03/2023 00:16

I’d have thought being at a wedding would be a lovely way to celebrate your anniversary. Confused

Yes, exactly. And you can celebrate just the two of you together on another day, that way you'll have twice the celebrations!

BitOutOfPractice · 28/03/2023 08:53

I hope to god you haven’t mentioned this to anyone else because it’s just embarrassing for you op.

and I really don’t like the sound of your husband “kicking off”. I hope he will put his face straight for this wedding.

after your illness (glad you’re better btw) and your big realisation of what’s important in life, did “friendship” not make the list? Don’t leave after the dinner. It is beyond rude.

Phos · 28/03/2023 08:53

Annon1234 · 28/03/2023 08:50

I honestly see your point, she could have picked from another 364 days but chose that one. I’d still go to the wedding and stay all day but I do love a wedding. I’d still be annoyed that she just had to pick that day

Well she probably couldn't, she'd have to choose days that worked for the most important parties in this, the bride and groom and dates the venue/registrar had availability so... nope.

Genuinely think this is a complete overreaction. Anniversaries aren't a big deal in the grand scheme of things and they don't matter a jot to anyone other than the couple. Maybe silver or golden ones if they have a do but other than that, not. So I would have to agree, you either grow up and go have a good time celebrating with your family or miss out for the sake of what, a meal out?

FiveShelties · 28/03/2023 08:55

Is this yet another 'one post OP'?

If on the very unlikely chance this is a genuine thread, you are being ridiculous. Grow up.