Getting married on my first anniversary

[Savingforahome]

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

"hurt is an understatement"
"husband kicked off"

I wonder how you will both respond when, you know, REAL problems comes your way (which I don't wish upon you, but come to us all in time).

I'm sure you have people in your life who care for you, but tbh factoring people's wedding anniversaries would not come on most people's radar when planning an event.

I'm curious, which wedding was/is on a Saturday?

I think you are being unreasonable.

Rather than make it an issue about the actual date itself, why don't u celebrate with your husband over the days afterwards. Enjoy the wedding on the day and have the day afterwards as a special day with your husband. You could even extend your year anniversary celebration by going away for the few days afterwards.

Going against the grain. I don't think there is any problem with you prioritising your anniversary, especially after a health scare. You will be there for the main part.

You and your husband are being utterly ridiculous

Perhaps the bride should check with everyone to see whether it is the 9th anniversary of the tragic day they had to have their hamster put down, or whether its little Freddie's birthday.

I think the bride would be much better off without you there. Have a meal and your romantic shag the night after and enjoy the wedding to its full extent and shut up about your anniversary to all except your husband or the bride and everyone else who gets to hear of it will know you both as the self-absorbed short sighted main character syndrome suffering whelks that you are displaying yourselves to be.

That day will be 365 days since you married. The day after will be 366 and the day after will be 367. Makes little difference to you, but will make a huge difference to the bride.

You're being ridiculous. Ok you may be a bit disappointed at the change of plan but kicking off and feeling hurt? This will be really nice. They've not booked it on your actual wedding day itself and you're behaving as though other people's anniversaries are somehow off limits. They're not. It would be a lovely way to celebrate. Does your husband often kick off at odd things? Celebrate the next day together.

I’m with the majority here I’m afraid. Celebrate your anniversary the weekend before or after if you want to make it a big affair.

Enjoy the wedding and for gods sake don’t leave after dinner, how rude!

Yes and they are even more annoying than the person they are complaining about

I have also suspected in a few reverse ‘reveals’ that it didn’t start out as one but the OP got an absolute kicking (like in this one) and then pretended that it was a reverse

Your husband is utterly fucking ridiculous and needs to grow the hell up.

Why are people so bloody weird about wedding anniversaries? In my opinion our anniversary only matters to my DH and me. Sometimes we celebrate it, sometimes we don’t, it depends what else is going on. I find getting cards from other people really odd. Both our families are really into it “ooh what are you doing for your anniversary, are you going out for dinner, what did you get each other?” and we’re both like 🙄🤣. Both our mothers will also say “don’t forget it’s <ancient relatives’> ruby/golden wedding, send them a card”.

People who give a flying fuck about your wedding anniversary:

1. You
2. DH

The end.

Also - what exactly was it you wanted to do that you can't do at a wedding? LIterally, someone has laid on food, dancing and champagne - how fucking convenient is that!?

Oh for the love of God, get over yourselves. It’s only an anniversary, it’s hardly the be all and end all of life. You’ve been together years. Don’t be so precious and ridiculous.

Your DH is BU and a bit silly. Do you have to spend your anniversary together joined at the hip? or can you share in somebody else's joy and have a good time,?

My cousin got married a year after my DB, so the day before their anniversary, as both weddings were on a Saturday, but my DB and his wife didn't have an issue with it.

They spent the day surrounded by family, with plenty of lovely food and drink and a band, and had a great time.

It was a great way to celebrate their first anniversary. They went away another weekend for a break just the 2 of them.

I get your pain OP. I am still upset because someone pointed out to me that I am not the only person in the world to celebrate my birthday on my birthdate.

Be the bigger person, you have two great reasons to celebrate that day, let your cousin have one too ,think of the reception as a free party to celebrate your happiness, ask the band/do to play a song for you, book a lovely hotel room, wear something you wore on your wedding day ( I mean jewellery, not the dress) and enjoy the day.

Good grief. You would turn down being a bridesmaid so you can sit next to your DH on one day in what will (hopefully) be a lifetime of days.

how old are you?

honestly sometimes people sound too immature to get married.

Why not book a room at the wedding venue for the night before, have a nice meal with your DH, wake up next to him on the day of your anniversary and order a room service breakfast. You can do your bridesmaid duties for mid morning throughout the afternoon amd then you can since the evening away together.
Or go away a different weekend either side of your anniversary.
There's a way around this you just don't want to see it.

I think you're being a wee bit previous. You spend every single day with your h. What form did his 'kicking off' take? That doesn't sound great.

Being BM at a wedding sounds like a lovely way to spend your first anniversary, and I think it would be v rude to leave after dinner. I think you need to be careful about this or you will sour your relationship with the bride and groom. Didn't you tell them how you felt when they told you the date?

Relax, its just an option in a sea of options being discussed on the thread. the thing about human beings is, what you would do, or what I would do, are not necessarily what someone else would do.

I’m afraid you’re being completely ridiculous.

celebrate your anniversary another day.

If I was the bride and you were kicking up a stink about all this I’d be disinviting you

Stop the world, I want to get off!

(please be a reverse!)

Yabu.. and I think when you get there you will love it. I enjoy weddings more now I am married myself, listening to the vows and remembering how much fun we had on ours. Celebrate your wedding anniversary having a dance with your husband in the evening and reminisce. Sounds like a great day!

Omg you don't own that day. I don't even remember my anniversary.

I’d be happy to have plans with my husband I didn’t have to organise and have a wonderful evening eating good food, drinking, dancing and snogging him. Then book a weekend away for another time. Weird hill to die on, there’s only 52 weekends in a year, maybe 12 in wedding season, I wouldn’t expect someone to arrange their wedding round by anniversary!

Redic.

I'm not sure this can be real. I can't believe one person would feel this way about an anniversary, let alone two. OP you've had your day, you cant earmark this date as your day forever you idiot. If I was the bride I'd tell you to not bother coming.

Celebrate on a different day and enjoy both events.