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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
Zonder · 28/03/2023 06:52

Really? Just celebrate a different day. I wouldn't expect anyone to remember the exact date of my wedding a year on.

TenoringBehind · 28/03/2023 06:55

Utterly bonkers.

coffeecookie · 28/03/2023 06:57

Seriously?

It's one day,

How rude you are.

YouOKHun · 28/03/2023 07:02

Get over yourself OP. Can you really not see how self-absorbed you and your sulky DH are being? The world does not revolve around you. What would you have done if your first anniversary ended up clashing with a negative event or a family emergency?

Timeforchangeithink · 28/03/2023 07:05

I get it OP. It's really all about why you finally got married that makes it different rather than just the date. Thankfully unless you've been in that position you can't imagine how different it is.

GordonsAFGirl · 28/03/2023 07:06

Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Grow up. Be grateful you have relatives to share a special date with.
My DB died last week, my husband is giving up his 60th birthday party date for my little brothers funeral. Decency comes first.

twoundertwowho · 28/03/2023 07:11

No OP, I get why you feel strongly but you can't take this stance on it.

Nobody else will ever be bothered about your wedding anniversary unless you have kids and it's maybe been 10 years? And maybe even that's a bit ambitious.

Just celebrate your anniversary the next day, don't ruin the occasion for yourself by being bitter about the other wedding.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/03/2023 07:12

Yabvu this is a great way to spend an anniversary free food, drink, dancing. It's better then what most people do on a 1st anniversary which would be go to work and maybe go out for a meal in the evening

YouOKHun · 28/03/2023 07:13

@GordonsAFGirl very sorry about your brother, that’s so tough 💐.

Pipsquiggle · 28/03/2023 07:15

YABVVVVU. You are coming across as immature and entitled

To be clear no-one 'owns' a date.

I would have thought that going to a close friend's wedding and being a bridesmaid would be a wonderful way to celebrate your anniversary.

You are being complete dicks for leaving the wedding early. I can understand why the bride is upset.

I am most surprised that 4% agree with you.

Climbles · 28/03/2023 07:17

So your wedding was so special and important that your family member should have moved their wedding to accommodate your first year anniversary. However, your family members wedding is so insignificant that they should move the day to suit you and you feel it’s fine to mar the day with your petty grievance by leaving early and being ‘open and honest’ about how insulted you are to have been invited. I bet she regrets asking you to be bridesmaid now.

Singleorigincoffee · 28/03/2023 07:18

this is a joke right, i can see clickbait tabloids swooping already.

Kidsandcat · 28/03/2023 07:19

You don't own the day!! Could understand more if it was the anniversary of a sad event but this is a bit OTT. Be happy for your friend and enjoy celebrating their happiness on a day that has brought you so much joy.

DarkNecessities · 28/03/2023 07:20

YABU - and oh so very precious.
….. as for your DH sulking about it 🙄

TheHouseNextDoor · 28/03/2023 07:21

You are being very precious.

Being at someone else's wedding sounds like a great way to reminisce about your own wedding.

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 28/03/2023 07:22

This can’t be real. You can’t be this obtuse and rude OP

namechangeforthisbleep · 28/03/2023 07:23

Sorry that's a bit pathetic!

MRex · 28/03/2023 07:23

You are both being ridiculous, rude and unfair to your family member. Celebrate your anniversary the following weekend, you'll presumably still be married then. That said, if my DH went into months of a sulk over something so petty, I wouldn't keep him.

SoFED · 28/03/2023 07:26

I’d be quite happy to have a free party on a special day for me!

I feel like this is one of the most bonkers things I’ve ever read on mumsnet! I can’t even rationalise your thinking OP! Soak up the fun, have a dance with your DH, reminisce and celebrate your’s and someone else’s happiness!! If anything I’d be buzzing on the day!

I’m calling a reverse, no-one is this precious?!

monicagellerbing · 28/03/2023 07:26

Oh behave OP it's an anniversary not your wedding day

RampantIvy · 28/03/2023 07:28

Surely no-one is this self absorbed?

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 28/03/2023 07:28

Yabvvvvu

Firstly, they probably can’t remember what date your wedding was.

Secondly, you will have the whole reception with your husband with free food and probably a decent amount of free drink. You can boogie the night away reminiscing about your own wedding. What’s not to like?

carriedout · 28/03/2023 07:29

It is just your wedding anniversary. I wouldn't have any problem with this at all. You can celebrate your anniversary on the following day, or the following weekend.

confusedlots · 28/03/2023 07:30

Sorry but you are being a bit ridiculous. Just celebrate the next day or the following weekend, absolutely no need to mark the exact hour and minute you got married.

Jamieleecurtain · 28/03/2023 07:31

Clearly a reverse. Your bridesmaid is very rude OP. Tell her to go spend her anniversary with her husband as her bridesmaid services are no longer required.