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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
KrasiTime · 28/03/2023 07:32

I get that you are upset. I just don’t understand why.

WimpoleHat · 28/03/2023 07:33

The person who posted first (@VictorianBathroomTiles ) had it spot on - it’s a really nice way to spend a first anniversary (“this was us this time last year” vibe). And, yes, very self absorbed to think it’s “your” date that someone else should avoid.

usernother · 28/03/2023 07:33

OP you sound petty and slightly weird.

follyfoot37 · 28/03/2023 07:35

Grow up OP

pettysquabbles · 28/03/2023 07:36

Get a grip.

DiscoStusMoonboots · 28/03/2023 07:37

I had exactly the same for my wedding a few years back. It was my cousin's anniversary that day. She made a big deal before, during and after it. A personal best was when she left the reception (straight after the ceremony) after 10 mins and loudly announced that she was leaving as 'you need to respect this is MY day too' on her way out.

Please do not be that person. It's a day that anyone and everyone is entitled to.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 28/03/2023 07:37

The world doesn’t revolve around you. I wouldn’t have asked you to be a bridesmaid though, you sound really self involved and hard work tbh.

Harrysutton · 28/03/2023 07:38

Stop being so precious and enjoy her wedding. Bizarre and selfish behaviour. Waiting for the reverse.

TinaYouFatLard · 28/03/2023 07:39

So you realise how special and precious life is but only for yourself?

MoonBase · 28/03/2023 07:40

You don't own that date!! It's not your ACTUAL wedding day!! YABU celebrate on another day

Ikilledthebabysharkdododuhdodudoo · 28/03/2023 07:40

Redglitter · 28/03/2023 00:25

YABVU and really rude to leave after dinner. Youll have had dinner so what's so important that you need to run off to be together. Surely by the time dinners finished your BM duties will be over

Ask the band/dj to play your first dance song or something during the reception. buy a bottle of champagne or stay overnight at the venue or nearby & do something the next day.

I'd be really unimpressed and very let down if someone important enough to be my bridesmaid didn't think I or my wedding was special enough to them to stay for the whole event

100 % agree with this.

YABVVVVVU OP. And really immature. To the point I don’t believe this real.

Pipsquiggle · 28/03/2023 07:41

DiscoStusMoonboots · 28/03/2023 07:37

I had exactly the same for my wedding a few years back. It was my cousin's anniversary that day. She made a big deal before, during and after it. A personal best was when she left the reception (straight after the ceremony) after 10 mins and loudly announced that she was leaving as 'you need to respect this is MY day too' on her way out.

Please do not be that person. It's a day that anyone and everyone is entitled to.

@DiscoStusMoonboots

And I bet everyone thought your cousin was a right dick

DiscoStusMoonboots · 28/03/2023 07:42

@Pipsquiggle yup, even her parents! Still makes for an interesting story when reminiscing about our wedding day. And I always make a point never to send her an anniversary card.

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 07:43

its not always so easy booking for certain dates for wedding. We didn’t get our first couple of choices. I don’t think they intentionally booked it on your anniversary. To be honest I don’t really remember anyone else’s anniversary until my phone reminds me it is coming up lol.

I think when you book something like your wedding you don’t really think about avoiding significant dates in everyone else life. That’s just too much too think about and if you did you you might have hardly any days to choose from!
we had a hen do for someone in my family, on one of my big birthdays. But it was the only available date that we could all make.
We had a great time my birthday was celebrated another date.
So maybe try not to take it personally and just try to enjoy the full wedding, and enjoy your anniversary on a separate day.

It’s ok to celebrate things on a separate day, it still means the same.
Hope you have a good time :)

Schoolchoicesucks · 28/03/2023 07:44

Oh dear, OP. I know it's your anniversary and you had a different idea of how you would spend it, but you really don't get to have dibs on a date like that.

As pp said, you could choose to see it in a positive way - this time last year etc. You will be able to dance with your husband, get dressed up, stay in a fancy hotel ...

Celebrate your anniversary the evening before or after, or weekend before or after.

My dd was born on my first anniversary. So that one ruled out any celebrating and ever since then the day has (rightfully) been overshadowed by her birthday. We just go for a meal on a different day.

I would be very hurt if someone I was close enough to ask to be a bridesmaid left my wedding early because of this.

electricmoccasins · 28/03/2023 07:45

I get it, Op. Our first wedding anniversary was special to us. So much so we booked a weekend away. Had any family member booked a wedding that same weekend, I would have wished them well and said sadly we are unavailable. You can’t stop someone celebrating their wedding on your anniversary, though. You need to make a choice. Either go to the wedding or say you already have something booked and can’t attend. You do have choices here.

As it was, my sister’s wedding was the day after my fourth wedding anniversary so the night before was all bride/bridesmaid prep. etc. Couldn’t have cared less by then.

doodlejump1980 · 28/03/2023 07:48

literally no one cares apart from you that it’s your anniversary. Ridiculous

Tohaveandtohold · 28/03/2023 07:50

You don’t own that day op. It’s not your wedding day, it’s just a date that she has chosen to get married in. If you feel strongly about a one year anniversary after being with your husband for many years then please decline the invite so someone who loves and will appreciate the day can attend.
Both you and your husband need to grow up frankly

Gazelda · 28/03/2023 07:51

I hope you resolve this with your relative OP. It would be a shame to miss her celebration or leave with her feeling snubbed. And it would be a shame for you to leave early then spend the rest of the evening wondering if people noticed and thought you a little precious.

I get that you want to celebrate your anniversary. But can't you do both? Stay overnight at the wedding venue and then spend the next day marking the anniversary privately with your husband?

coconotgrove · 28/03/2023 07:51

Both your husband and you need to grow up, you don't own a day.

HappyMarriage · 28/03/2023 07:51

I’m not sure why you’ve made this into a thing. You could book a hotel have a lovely evening dancing with your husband and then stay the night or weekend and it could be really special.

Also I don’t remember my friends wedding anniversary’s - chances are she doesn’t even remember the date of your wedding.

I think you should apologise to her and tell your husband to grow up

SamMil · 28/03/2023 07:53

I'm sorry, but you are being massively unreasonable. I can't believe you would leave someone's wedding early just because it happens to be your anniversary too?!

Just book something for your anniversary on another day, surely...

Rollerpiggy · 28/03/2023 07:54

I think it’s rubbish she has done this. It’s a huge no no to take the wedding date of a close family member or friend when there are 364 other days to choose from. In fact she is ridiculous. Yeah I’d be mad as hell, and actually I wouldn’t go for that reason.

PinkyFlamingo · 28/03/2023 07:55

Your leaving early? Why? You are still with your husband after the dinner!

Dibbydoos · 28/03/2023 07:56

Hi OP, well you asked and got burned. I'm sure many MNers see what others say and jump on the band wagon 🙄

Your friend should have considered the date, honestly it's mad unless she did it on purpose so in future years you can celebrate together?

Assuming she has more than 1 bridesmaid, I would do what you've planned tbh. Someone's wedding is their thing, you'll be there before everyone gets smashed, you can then leave and noone will notice. If there's only yiu as bridesmaid, we'll that's a bit tougher, but you have your own life so que sera sera.

Hope it all goes well.

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