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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 28/03/2023 03:49

I wonder who is playing who in the American TV movie?

BlueForgetMeNot · 28/03/2023 03:55

Wow YABVU!!!!

itsabigtree · 28/03/2023 04:06

Your husband kicked off? That's crazy behavior. You've over reacted and yes your friend will be very hurt by this. It's a lovely way to spend your anniversary and you can connect with husband at a different point or do something just the two or you on a subsequent day.

Bansheed · 28/03/2023 04:10

You are acting with immaturity and insensitivity. It really is very odd.

Why are you so heavily invested on the date? It really isn't healthy ( as seen by the responses you are elliciting)

user56912 · 28/03/2023 04:17

completely and utterly ridiculous. Yabvvu

forgeti · 28/03/2023 04:24

I’m confused as to why he’s kicking off over this. Is he invited to the wedding?

the thing is you can still celebrate your anniversary the evening of, the day before, the day after etc? You’re not missing out on a magical experience. You can still have a special time.

donttellmehesalive · 28/03/2023 04:27

Don't be silly. Being at a wedding together is a lovely way to spend your anniversary and you can earmark the following Saturday, or whenever, to celebrate together just the two of you.

I am sure she didn't pick the date to annoy you and it's baffling why you are.

Dita73 · 28/03/2023 04:29

Has to be a troll

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 28/03/2023 04:30

You are seriously kidding, right @Savingforahome ?

I would love to spend my first anniversary celebrating a close family member or good friend’s wedding - couldn’t think of a better thing to be doing!

Cop on to yourself.

BritInAus · 28/03/2023 04:39

100% unreasonable. As others have said, how lovely to be at a wedding on your anniversary. If you want to do something special to celebrate, do it another day close to the day. Just like you might if your anniversary was a Tuesday, you might go out for a nice dinner on the Friday or Saturday night if you worked Mon-Fri.

I honestly couldn't tell you anyone's anniversary except my own and wouldn't expect anyone to know mine - let alone avoid the date forever more to plan anything else I might be invited too.

The bride to be must adore you to ask you to be her bridesmaid. How sad you can't 'give' her part of a day and an evening to celebrate her wedding.

nomoremerlot · 28/03/2023 04:40

So where are you going to go to celebrate after dinner at the wedding?

Just what is so important that you have to leave?

Do you have to be alone?

Topee · 28/03/2023 04:45

Your husband kicked off too?

This can’t be real. There’s no way that two separate humans could be bothered about this and even if there was, what are the chances they’d be married to each other?!

user1492757084 · 28/03/2023 04:47

No problem that I see. Stay and celebrate the institution of marriage! Be happy.

justsoembarrassing · 28/03/2023 04:51

You sound like a teenager!

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 28/03/2023 04:53

YABVVU.
What a ridiculous reaction.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 28/03/2023 04:53

Did they even know? I wouldn't remember the date of weddings I've been to.

Doawahf · 28/03/2023 04:57

Reading between the lines @Savingforahome (and presuming that it's not a reverse) am I correct in thinking that you were planning on not going to the wedding because you & DH were going to spend your 1st wedding anniversary just the two of you?
However after you mentioned that you were doing that, your family started to kick off & you felt that you had to compromise to keep the peace (are your family bossy & expect everyone to do as they are told?) & that's why your DH then kicked off himself?

At the end of the day using a famous MN quote it's an invitation not a bloody summons. So if you don't want to go to the wedding you say thank you but no thank you & don't go.

I would understand why you wouldn't be coming if it was my wedding, as to me a first wedding anniversary is special as it's the first. But I would as the bride to be, if I really wanted you as my bridesmaid suggest that you & your DH escape a little earlier so you can have your own private celebration.

Limetart · 28/03/2023 05:03

@Savingforahome nobody cares or probably even remembers it's your anniversary except you.
My ds has been married 12 years, I made the cake, I helped arrange the wedding but every year I vaguely know their anniversary is the end of the month.
Couldn't tell you the exact date. It's not on my busy radar.

Doawahf · 28/03/2023 05:07

I wouldn't want to spend my first wedding anniversary at someone else's wedding either but that's for two reasons.
First because I'd just want to be with my DH & no one else & second it's the bride & grooms big day & I wouldn't want to take any of the attention off the newlyweds with people wishing me happy anniversary & reminiscing about my big day (I'm assuming that there will be guests at your cousins wedding that were guests at your wedding too?)
Second, third & so on anniversarys doesn't bother me.

Autienotnautie · 28/03/2023 05:13

It's your anniversary. You could celebrate any time including at the wedding If the bride checked every guests birthday/anniversary etc there would be no dates left! When I got married I made sure our parents and siblings were free then I chose the date. Everyone else it was up to them if they attended. If it's that big a deal don't go, say you have booked to go away.

MissBattleaxe · 28/03/2023 05:17

OP, before you set the date for your own wedding, did you check that none of your guests had anniversaries or important birthdays before booking the date? If not, shut up.

You live with your husband. You don't need a special day to be alone with him.

Shoxfordian · 28/03/2023 05:25

Celebrate your anniversary the day after or before op, but if it really means that much then say you can’t be a bridesmaid and don’t go

EmmaGrundyForPM · 28/03/2023 05:34

MissBattleaxe · 28/03/2023 05:17

OP, before you set the date for your own wedding, did you check that none of your guests had anniversaries or important birthdays before booking the date? If not, shut up.

You live with your husband. You don't need a special day to be alone with him.

This.

YABVVU. I've been married for 29 years and can't remember what we did to celebrate our first anniversary. I'm.sure we did something. If we'd been invited to a wedding that would have been a lovely way to celebrate.

What do you mean by your husband "kicked off" about it?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 28/03/2023 05:46

Getting married on someone’s wedding anniversary is fine and leaving early from the wedding because of it is pathetic. Just celebrate the day before or after. I thought you were going to say your husband had died, that would be the only reason your friend would be out of order

ShandaLear · 28/03/2023 05:47

If this is a real post you are being ridiculous. Life doesn’t stop for your anniversary. And why on earth are you leaving after the dinner? Surely the best bit of a wedding by a country mile is having a dance and catching up with friends. You do not own the day, and nobody cares about your anniversary except you and hopefully your DH. Your friend was there for you on your wedding day. The least you can do is be there for hers, and acknowledge that it is lovely that your share an anniversary.

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