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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
GoodChat · 28/03/2023 05:57

FFS, if she avoided all of the guests anniversaries/birthdays etc she'd never get married.

Womencanlift · 28/03/2023 06:03

Is this a joke? If it’s not then you and your husband are. Did you consider the wedding anniversaries of all your guests?

One of the most unreasonable posts I have read on here for a long time.

Changingplace · 28/03/2023 06:04

Don’t be so utterly ridiculous, nobody else remembers other people’s wedding anniversaries, your friend must think you’re completely insane but is probably too shocked at how mad your reaction is to even begin to tell you.

You need to seriously get over yourself, although the fact OP hasn’t even returned suggests this is either completely made up or perhaps pages of people saying similar has made them rethink.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2023 06:04

OP not been back?

There's a surprise.

Cumpanypicnic · 28/03/2023 06:05

Is this to do with having ‘intimacy time’ cause the more I think about it, I can sorta see that you probably want to be alone in the bedroom, and instead you’ll be at an event and by the time it’s time to go to bed, you’ll both be hammered.
but my partner and I would get around this (and actually have done so in the past) by disappearing mid way through the day, (for us it was when the bride and groom had their private photos) for some personal time. Just fwiw it made the whole thing a lot more exciting as no one else knew where we had been but us ;) I dare say that might have been one of our best anniversaries

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/03/2023 06:08

Sounds if you could have a great time celebrating with a dear friend

Did you think you would go away for a long weekend away

What would you do if no invite

After a health scare maybe dh would have releised there are worse things in life - tell him to grow up

BCBird · 28/03/2023 06:10

I think you are being very selfish and unreasonable. When I first read tbis I thought you were going to say it was the anniversary of your husband passing away, not your first anniversary of being married. I think you need to grow up

Toddlerteaplease · 28/03/2023 06:10

Seriously?!! Yes you are being incredibly rude In leaving after dinner. You've been together years.

PuddlesPityParty · 28/03/2023 06:15

I don’t see why it is a big deal to be perfectly honestly.

PinkSyCo · 28/03/2023 06:15

Your husband kicked off and you’re whinging that nobody thinks about you. Fucking hell the drama! Grow the fuck up, the two of you!

HoppingPavlova · 28/03/2023 06:16

Im aligned with everyone else. What a confusing load of twaddle. What better celebration on your anniversary and how rude to leave early. Why?

Kebsta86 · 28/03/2023 06:18

Yes YABU. You don’t own the date. If you would rather celebrate your anniversary, don’t go to the wedding.

newyorkcitylights · 28/03/2023 06:21

What?!

Close friends of mine and now ExH got married on our one year anniversary. It was a great day and night and we just went off to a hotel the night after their wedding, which extended the weekend of celebrations. Why can't you see it that way?

bussteward · 28/03/2023 06:21

Gently, you’re being fucking insane.

TenTwentyAtCheltenhamSandwich · 28/03/2023 06:25

You don’t have to go.

BertaHoon · 28/03/2023 06:28

bussteward · 28/03/2023 06:21

Gently, you’re being fucking insane.

🤣

Hercisback · 28/03/2023 06:29

It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.
😂😂 Are you 12?

JauntyRedShoes · 28/03/2023 06:30

I’d go to the wedding and have a great time. If you are close friends it’ll be really special, you might find you are enjoying it so much that you want to stay late.. Next day I’d plan something for the anniversary. I’m not getting your husband “kicking off” and I wouldn’t like that. I’m speaking as someone who just does birthdays though.

Antiquiteas · 28/03/2023 06:30

But you’ve been together for years?

Your husband ’kicked off’? He sounds nice…

A wedding seems a lovely way to celebrate an anniversary. And hint: no-one cares about yours except you…

name985 · 28/03/2023 06:32

I actually think this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read here. Which is really quite impressive tbh!

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

Ponoka7 · 28/03/2023 06:44

Once again, the reading comprehension skills are put to the test. She's close family, Sister? Is this typical behaviour from her? If there was a different date available, she should have went for that. There might not have been a close alternative date, though. I agree that it is like you are having a big party, paid for by someone else. Of course your DH's friends/family won't be there, is that why he's upset? You could have made the excuse that you had something booked already and turned down being her BM. But it's happening now and you've agreed, so you've both got to let it go and make the best of it.

Stravaig · 28/03/2023 06:45

If you want to spend the day with your husband then you shouldn't have said yes to bridesmaid duties. Why did you? That's a contradiction, and your responsibility.

It is a bit odd that you were asked, but maybe bride-to-be is as self-absorbed as you are? It does seem to happen.

Spend the day with your husband, or not. Go to the wedding, or not. Be a bridesmaid, or not. These are your choices to make. The rest of the world goes on. Absolutely no-one cares that you're now officially married after many years together except you.

Your husband 'kicking off' seems ... unusual. Most men people really aren't that bothered about anniversaries.

ComeOnNumber100 · 28/03/2023 06:50

Your husband kicked off and hasn’t spoken about it for months. God I hate sulking.
If it bothered you both that much you should have declined the invitation.

pncr · 28/03/2023 06:50

Yeah sorry YABU

SeaDee · 28/03/2023 06:51

"Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all."

Good grief. Talk about self absorbed. Both of you.

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