Ageism towards women everywhere

Tomandjerry80 · 2023-03-27T10:45:22+00:00

Just read an article about Liam Payne from One direction, somebody posted in the comments section that Cheryl Tweedy/Cole 'stole his innocence'. He was around 24 when they started going out, hardly 16. There was another comment about 'Old Nicole Sherzinger' sleeping with another member and what a 'cradle snatcher' she is. Again she's probably around 10 years older or slightly more. It seems socially unacceptable for women to date younger men, it's seen as some sort of cougar/milf situation, sexualised. If the ages were reversed most people wouldn't care. I've heard of people like Carol Vorderman receiving so much abuse, just because she's over 60 and hasn't hung up her bra and got the comfy slippers out. Words like granny, saggy, wrinkly are thrown around so much. A friend of mine who's been married for 20 years told me whilst he loves his wife, he wishes she still looked like she did 20 years ago. It just gets to me sometimes as a woman.

Original poster

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 11:48

The only time I've seen a man receiving criticism is 35 year old James Argent 'Arg' who's dating an 18 year old. I admit I find that appalling because she's 18.

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asundayphilosopher · 27/03/2023 11:50

sadly, MN is very ageist. So many posts complaining about Mums and Mils . I'm still reeling from the thread calling a 102 year old Grandma a cunt because she made a comment about her granddaughters weight. Many MNers dont believe they will ever get old.

HandShoe · 27/03/2023 11:50

You're not wrong, and you might enjoy the book 'Hags' by Victoria Smith

'An examination of the torrent of ageism and misogyny currently directed against women in their forties and older.'

Rainbowshit · 27/03/2023 11:52

It's depressing how much ageism I see online from the "be kind" mob directed at middle aged women. Quite often from young women who don't seem able to grasp that they will be that demographic one day.

How do we combat it?

Original poster

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 11:52

Thank you for the book suggestion. I do feel a bit down about ageing

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Original poster

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 11:53

Yeah exactly. When I was 22 I thought I'd be young forever, until you're not

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JaneFondue · 27/03/2023 11:54

Recently I have seen many posts calling all middle aged women on here menopausal, or bitter or jealous. Jealous of the most ridiculous things, like having six children in a small house. I find it hard to understand.

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2023 11:57

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 11:53

Yeah exactly. When I was 22 I thought I'd be young forever, until you're not

Well speaking as someone who is way too close to seventy, I do feel exactly as I used to inside. So still recall my 22 year-old self very clearly

Sadly my body doesn't agree...

ifyougochasingrabbits · 27/03/2023 11:59

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 11:53

Yeah exactly. When I was 22 I thought I'd be young forever, until you're not

God ain't this true !

SerenaVanDerWoodsenHumphrey · 27/03/2023 12:00

HandShoe · 27/03/2023 11:50

You're not wrong, and you might enjoy the book 'Hags' by Victoria Smith

'An examination of the torrent of ageism and misogyny currently directed against women in their forties and older.'

There's also a MN Web/Zoom chat on this tonight, 8-9 UK time if anyone's interested ...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_live_events/4769642-zoomchat-with-victoria-smith-on-her-new-book-hags-27th-march

Zoomchat with Victoria Smith on her new book 'Hags' - 27th March | Mumsnet

Mumsnet makes parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support on everything from conception to childbirth, from babies to teenagers.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_live_events/4769642-zoomchat-with-victoria-smith-on-her-new-book-hags-27th-march

SallyWD · 27/03/2023 12:14

Leonardo De Caprio also gets a lot of criticism and many people are disgusted by him.
But yes I do see a lot of agism against women, often by women. A friend of mine was having an affair with a married man and justified it by saying "Well his wife's the wrong side of 50, what does age expect?". I was utterly appalled at her attitude.

Original poster

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 12:20

That's true, I forgot about him. I know he goes to the extreme though, dating women 25 years younger whereas a woman dating a man even 10 years younger is looked down upon.
Wow, that's a terrible comment, poor woman.

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MissyB1 · 27/03/2023 12:23

JaneFondue · 27/03/2023 11:54

Recently I have seen many posts calling all middle aged women on here menopausal, or bitter or jealous. Jealous of the most ridiculous things, like having six children in a small house. I find it hard to understand.

I got called a “dried up old hag” on this forum. I had posted on one of the many “gender disappointment” threads, basically saying adult ds can be just as close to you as adult dds. Apparently I shouldn’t even have an opinion at my age 🙄

AnotherForumUser · 27/03/2023 12:26

SallyWD · 27/03/2023 12:14

Leonardo De Caprio also gets a lot of criticism and many people are disgusted by him.
But yes I do see a lot of agism against women, often by women. A friend of mine was having an affair with a married man and justified it by saying "Well his wife's the wrong side of 50, what does age expect?". I was utterly appalled at her attitude.

Not sure I'd want anyone with that attitude as a friend. I wonder if she'd merrily accept her DH/DP having an affair with a younger woman when she has the temerity to get older. Misogyny and ageism often go hand in hand for some people like your friend.

Original poster

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 12:29

Wow that's disgusting language, did you report them? I bet it was a man trolling pretending to be a woman.

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SecondhandMuck · 27/03/2023 12:31

I think the Liam Payne/Cheryl Cole thing comes in for criticism mainly because he was 14 and she was 24 when they first met. Of course there was nothing sexual between them at that point, but people feel weird about it all the same.

JaneFondue · 27/03/2023 12:31

MissyB1 · 27/03/2023 12:23

I got called a “dried up old hag” on this forum. I had posted on one of the many “gender disappointment” threads, basically saying adult ds can be just as close to you as adult dds. Apparently I shouldn’t even have an opinion at my age 🙄

Show quote history

Your post seems completely fine to me. Of course, you can be close to an adult DS. I am.

Kranke · 27/03/2023 12:32

There’s a lot on here. People on the style boards saying you can’t wear certain things after a certain age. People asking what to buy a ‘60yr old women’ when they don’t list anything they might be interested in - as if all 60yr old women like the same thing!!

chilliplant634 · 27/03/2023 12:34

I think we are an ageist society in general. The comments about age difference relationships are the same regardless of sex, no? People tend to look down on age gaps and always assume there is some power imbalance and that the older partner is manipulative. This happens to men too.

I don't think it's a man vs. woman thing. I think it's how view ageing and the elderly in general.

Original poster

Tomandjerry80 · 27/03/2023 12:36

Maybe it's true, yeah. Looking at my friends however, the man is always older, except for one case in which the husband is a year younger. I just know that as a 31 year old woman, I'd receive so much abuse if I dated a man 10 years younger.

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ChristmasCakeAndGin · 27/03/2023 12:38

Sadly a lot on this forum. Frequently see posts by I assume younger women calling older women wrinkly dried up old hag bag etc.
Massive double standards also from many who would not make a negative comment about someone’s race, sexuality etc but are more than happy to call someone a “Karen”

SallyWD · 27/03/2023 12:42

My DH is 5 years younger and I've never once had any negative comments. Not even had jokey comments about a "toyboy". Of course, people may say things behind my back! And I realise 5 years isn't a big age gap.
Actually the only negativity we've had was from his mum (originally, she's fine now). She's Indian and felt that a man should always have a younger wife to care for him in old age. She was 20 years younger than her husband and as a result widowed early.

JaneFondue · 27/03/2023 12:42

I agree ageism is the last acceptable form of bigotry. People who will fall over themselves to call a man a woman are ok to call older women all kinds of names. Social media is awash with it. Older man: distinguished. Older woman: boomer or hag or Karen.

bizzywiththefizzy · 27/03/2023 12:44

Ageism on MN is rife and seems to be the thing that younger women like to use an insult .

SallyWD · 27/03/2023 12:46

JaneFondue · 27/03/2023 12:42

I agree ageism is the last acceptable form of bigotry. People who will fall over themselves to call a man a woman are ok to call older women all kinds of names. Social media is awash with it. Older man: distinguished. Older woman: boomer or hag or Karen.

But there's negativity towards older men too - the whole grumpy old man, miserable old git business and being called gammons. Not all older men are seen as distinguished. But yes, there's a different sort of ageism directed at older women once they're past their fertile years.