Ageism towards women everywhere

[Tomandjerry80]

Just read an article about Liam Payne from One direction, somebody posted in the comments section that Cheryl Tweedy/Cole 'stole his innocence'.
He was around 24 when they started going out, hardly 16.
There was another comment about 'Old Nicole Sherzinger' sleeping with another member and what a 'cradle snatcher' she is.
Again she's probably around 10 years older or slightly more.
It seems socially unacceptable for women to date younger men, it's seen as some sort of cougar/milf situation, sexualised. If the ages were reversed most people wouldn't care.
I've heard of people like Carol Vorderman receiving so much abuse, just because she's over 60 and hasn't hung up her bra and got the comfy slippers out.
Words like granny, saggy, wrinkly are thrown around so much.
A friend of mine who's been married for 20 years told me whilst he loves his wife, he wishes she still looked like she did 20 years ago.
It just gets to me sometimes as a woman.

The ageism on this forum is absolutely disgusting. Some people on these boards seem to think that anyone over 70 is an ungrateful brexit voting tory with £££££s in the bank, who should count themselves bloody lucky they could afford a house.

It is absolutely rife.

I hate the posts on here by women over 40 'I'm so invisible', 'men look straight through me', 'nobody fancies me', it's bloody pathetic.

The life experience us women have should be valued, but for some reason, it is sneered at.

I'm over 40, couldn't give a shiny shit what other men think of me, I don't feel invisible, I feel fucking fabulous and confident in my skin.

There was another comment about 'Old Nicole Sherzinger' sleeping with another member and what a 'cradle snatcher' she is.

My nephews and their friends, who were in their teens and early twenties at the time, were all jealous when she was going out with Lewis Hamilton. I found it funny.

Interestingly in my family and social circle as long as the age gap isn't something like 20 years and both are over 25, no-one bats an eyelid over who is older.

It has stopped now but there was a phase of posters suggesting that others wind up their MILS by pretending they had dementia. They were encouraged to hide things or pretend they had told them something important. Apparently on MN it is a laugh to pretend to an older woman that she has a terminal disease. They wouldn't think it funny if somebody pretended that a woman their own age had breast cancer.

I'm listening to Hags on audible at the moment. It's eviscerating and eye opening!

The jealous thing gets tiresome. No I am not jealous of younger women who look thinner and more beautiful than me. That is what happens, we all get older and no longer look like we did when young. I have seen too many people die prematurely, so I am just grateful for not dying as young as some of my friends have.

What does making a comment about someone's weight, which is NONE of their business, have to do with their age? Are you saying they should get a free pass to be horrible?

And that no one should ever be able to call someone a horrible name because of their age?

Im sure the 102 year old made horrible comments long before

Ageism really is the last acceptable form of bigotry. I’ve never felt more invisible in my life than I do now at the age of 42. Not just physically but intellectually and socially. Absolutely sick of it. And throw into the mix in a few stone overweight too and I may as well curl up and die. Or that’s the way it feels sometimes.

Mumsnet has/had a book with a chapter "Old Biddies on the Bus." In fairness though, MNHQ are much better about deleting ageist posts than they used to be. But I agree causal (and not so casual) ageism is rife on Mumsnet as in society.

Well, you only have to read a few posts here on MN to see how widespread ageism is, and that it’s just as often perpetrated by young women as by young men.

Yes, you only have to read a few posts here on MN to see how widespread ageism is, and that it’s just as often perpetrated by young women as by young men.

@NotAnotherBathBomb
By 102 most people would have some degree of vascular dementia (caused by reduced blood flow to the brain). Calling a very very old person a cunt is horrible, particularly as women are far more likely to develop dementia than men,
'Women have a greater risk of developing dementia during their lifetime. In fact, around twice as many women have Alzheimer's disease – the most common type of dementia – compared to men.'
Yet no one on MN campaigns for more research into the causes of dementia and how to deal with it.
Remember 'old age is the biggest risk factor for this disease'. By 102 there will be some degree of dementia in the great majority of people of that age.
So calling a woman of 102, a cunt, is particularly nasty.

It kind of amuses me in a way because younger people will blink and be middle-aged themselves soon enough. Youth is fleeting and so brief.

YANBU at all

I find I am invisible or to be mocked (age 57) and as for trying to get interviews I might as well forget it and they CAN tell when they see the dates I took CSEs and O levels!!
As for the Over 60s as if they are all Borg style wise, lmfao

Almost 80 year old DM dresses very lovely and colourfully but she did attend Art College back in the early 60s and that may have something to do with it,

Wow that poster is disgusting and disgraceful .

Having lost friends aged 17, 24, 26 and 30 over the years (all in the 1980s) who didn't get to get "Old" I now say to that type "Well, perhaps you won't live to get old ay?" It really gets to Me.

It don't get much better I am afraid .
Unmumsnetty (((hug))) in Solidarity

It cuts both ways. If you look at AIBU, middle age women are seemingly queuing up to deride younger people as snowflakes, woke, or the favourite “lacking in resilience”, but then shriek about ageism if any of that negativity is reflected back at them.

I remember when I was young having the feeling that youth was my own personal gift - to keep. Turned out not to be the case - I got old, and if you are lucky you will too.

What makes you think that? I’ve seen plenty of nasty comments by other women on here; I’m a man and wouldn’t dream of making such a comment.
By accusing men of this you’re dropping yourself down to their level.

I’ve just got this but haven’t read it yet. I think it might be one that I end up recommending to everyone, like Lean In.

@CarryMeOut i agree completely ageing is a privilege. It is demonised in women much more than men. Post menopausal women are seen as dried up bitter hags. I wouldn’t want to be young again and live in the present, I think it’s much harder for young women now so many pressures from social media that I didn’t have being young in 80s and 90s as for being jealous I’m not at all, yeah I wish I had my health like I did when I was younger but I there are lots of benefits to being in your 50s like giving less of a fuck! I’ve signed up for the Hags zoom talk and I’ve ordered the book, this resonated so much with me that I very unusually didn’t wait for the paper back copy ! I’m sure though that it’s going to make me really angry. My daughter who is at Uni had already said to me she thought ageing in women was demonised. I’m glad she can see that at such a young age. I think it’s worse for women as we are judged so much more on how we look than men are. Men are still judged on what they have achieved or done but it always comes down to how good or not a woman looks. Think it’s got worse too over the years. Just look at all the middle aged actresses and presenters who just disappear from
the screen after 40, not the same for actors like Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt etc who are still cast as leading men. If you mention this of course everyone says what about Helen Mirren ?! Ffs she’s an exception and doesn’t really look her age.

I’m 43 and I feel the same. I’m doing a lot of exercise and I kid myself that it’s for health benefits but really it’s to lose weight and not look “frumpy”.

Oh my god !!! 😆 does she think she won't age herself ? Fml

The ageism is absolutely and depressingly true but people do this about all sorts of demographics on here. The Christmas board is rife with 'I need something for my husband/DIL/niece' threads as if each group is completely homogenous. There's never any other info.

I'm very aware of the aging thing at the moment, because I've realised how unhealthily I crave being told I look young for my age. I've never been pretty, I'm overweight too so I guess maybe I've clung on to that as some form of validation but christ that's depressing. We are so obsessed with youth.

@Xrays

This has made me feel sad and I bet you do not look frumpy at all.
The 40s, to Me, was my favourite Decade of age as I had had all my 4 babies, all were in either secondary or Primary education (by 44) and it just was fine.
Even when I started The Change at 46 which I am not sure is early or not? I escaped most of its more aggressive and annoying symptons luckily.

@Xrays sorry you’re struggling it’s shit. I think weight issues are also so much more difficult for women. Men are “allowed” to get fat as they get older whereas with a woman it’s seen as “letting herself go”.
@MegsLevante I am constantly watching what I eat since menopause as it’s all going on my tummy now, I’m apple shaped. I only started to do this when a friend had a stroke. If i was pear shaped and it was on my bum etc much less of a health risk, I would be tempted to say fuck it !