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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I will be judged on holiday and plane about my size?

195 replies

Ykn · 25/03/2023 21:27

40 something, 5.8 tall, size 20-22, hoping to feel confident enough to wear a bikini or tankini around the pool on my coming holiday.

Would you be judging me on how I look? Thinking "I'm glad I don't look like her" and/or "what on earth does she think she looks like?"

Would you be looking over at me on the plane to see if I can fasten my seat belt? To see if I have to ask for an extender? To see me become flustered if I can't fasten my seat belt and have to ask for an extender?

Interested to hear your honest thoughts.

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 26/03/2023 04:07

If I saw you in a bikini, my honest thought would be "wow, good for her, she's comfortable in her own skin - I wish I had her confidence to wear a bikini".

GoldenAye · 26/03/2023 04:50

In my country - I'm not sure about yours - tiny bikini bottoms are extremely popular at the moment. These expose most of the wearer's bottom cheeks and are not much more than a g-string. They don't look great on anyone, really, so I don't recommend those. Any other bikinis - go for it! I wish I could - I'm not overweight, but I can't find bikini top that will fit my over-large boobs.

Phoebo · 26/03/2023 05:53

I wouldn't judge you at all, if you're swimming or sunbathing it makes sense you'd be in swimwear! I'd only be concerned in the plane if you were sat next to me and encroaching over onto my seat for my own comforts sake.

Phoebo · 26/03/2023 05:53

I wouldn't judge you at all, if you're swimming or sunbathing it makes sense you'd be in swimwear! I'd only be concerned in the plane if you were sat next to me and encroaching over onto my seat for my own comforts sake.

LunaTheCat · 26/03/2023 06:07

CrotchetyQuaver · 25/03/2023 23:52

I've not judged people by their size since the time a very large man sat next to me on the plane and had to force his bum down between the arms into the seat. My heart sank thinking I'd be squashed. It turned out he was one of the most interesting people I'd ever met, a VIP in his country (West Indies) had come to England to study at Oxford in the early 1960's which must have been challenging for him. Sitting with him worked in my favour as the crew were fawning over him offering drinks and he asked me if I'd like to join him in a G&T, none of the rest of the plane were being served. It was one of the nicest flights I've ever had. So I don't 'judge books by their cover' any more because of people like him.

I'll keep a watchful eye out for other peoples reactions though, I'm off on holiday tomorrow with my adult daughters both of whom are on the larger side. I don't think you have anything to worry about TBH.

What a lovely story!

whiteroseredrose · 26/03/2023 07:24

Sodullincomparison · 25/03/2023 23:49

I wear a factor 50 long sleeved swim top and shorts and a friend of a friend at a villa last summer took me aside to tell me to be more confident. I told her pretty directly that since I burn in 16 degrees in the north of England that I don’t risk ruining a family holiday with sunburn/ sunstroke and it had nothing to do with not wanting to wear a swimsuit.

wear what you want- you can’t control any else’s thoughts about it but I don’t think strangers will give any brain space to it. DH and I both love people watching and clothes watching around the pool. Best place for enviable outfits was the Atlantis water park in Dubai: can’t remember a thing about any of the people wearing them though.

Can you share where you get the long sleeved stuff from? I'm looking and everything seemed to be in the USA.

For the OP I also doubt you'd need an extender. I've flown at size 18 and still had plenty of belt (Ryanair and EasyJet).

Will people look/judge? That would depend where you are going.

We used to go to Spain regularly and there were all shapes and sizes on the beach. Larger ladies did tend to wear more substantial tops and bottoms rather than stringy thongs.

In Taormina in Sicily, at the public beach most people were quite slim.

GreenWheat · 26/03/2023 07:43

It doesn't matter what people are thinking. As long as they don't make it apparent, who cares? I silently judge people for all sorts of things, as I'm sure people do me. But my opinion is irrelevant, as would anyone judging you be.

Campervangirl · 26/03/2023 08:25

I wouldn't judge, you see all shapes and sizes on the beach and around the pool.
I'm a size 12/14 and I hate bikinis so I wear a tankini top, I actually buy them from Yours and Simply B, I like them because they do the blouson type so they hide my tummy and are not those ones that are skin tight.
When I'm on a sun lounger I roll the top up up to tan my tummy.
I usually buy black bikini bottoms and bright tankini tops then a couple of cheap sarongs from eBay so I can go from the room to the pool or from the pool to the pool bar.
As for the plane, flying is so uncomfortable that everyone is too busy hoping to survive the flight sat in those ridiculously small seats with no leg room to worry about if someone needs an extender.
You're completely overthinking it, go and enjoy your holiday.
Ps I look at (judge) the people who are dressed for Instagram, full makeup, wedge sandals, hats and jewelry whilst I'm sat sweating my tits off 🤣
If I'm not looking at them I'm checking out the Italian men in their budgie smugglers 😉

PoseyFlump · 26/03/2023 08:28

@Ykn you have had some great advice on this thread but you haven't really replied to any of the positive posts. You've replied to that one negative in a sea of positive. I know it's hard but do try to take on board what the majority are saying here because whether you enjoy your holiday or not will come down to your own perceptions too.

drpet49 · 26/03/2023 08:32

Upsywavy · 25/03/2023 21:37

I'd only care if your body was infringing on my plane seat to be honest! Other than that nope wouldn't be bothered.

This

mynewusername2023 · 26/03/2023 08:39

I wouldn't judge you or think any of those things. I'm about a size 24 but most people especially on planes, are too concerned with sorting themselves out.

One thing that made my recent flight in January much more enjoyable was chatting to the flight crew, being super nice and they are super nice back. One even commented about how lovely it was to have polite, chatty passengers as they'd had some horrible ones over Christmas.

AmandaHoldensLips · 26/03/2023 09:55

I got stuck in a seat between two very large people which, frankly, left me with no room and I felt crushed. However, I do not "blame" or judge the large people. The bloke in particular was a really nice man and seemed utterly mortified. The airline should have moved one of us.

youhavenoidea123 · 26/03/2023 10:03

If people are honest they will judge if they are sat next to you and your size makes it an uncomfortable journey for them.

SilhouettesOnTheShade · 26/03/2023 11:14

I'd never judge anyone going about their day and enjoying their lives.

Tansytea · 26/03/2023 12:52

I'd probably notice you. I think anybody who says they wouldn't is probably lying. At that size you probably stand out. Like particularly tall people do. Most people don't care about other randoms. I certainly wouldn't care about you in the slightest. But I would probably notice you. I don't understand about "judgement", or people who are obsessed about being judged. I'm actually far more confused about people who worry about being judge than I am interested in whether or not an overweight person is overweight.

But if you want to know my honest thought when I see an obese person at the swimming pool when on holiday abroad it is that they must be really uncomfortable in the heat. Perhaps I am wrong about that, I really don't like the heat myself, but that is my thought, if I think about them at all, that they must be hotter than I am. Similar in the aeroplane, I would think they must be uncomfortable. That said, I don't care. I cannot emphasise enough how much I don't care. It's a fleeting thought at most.

OneFrenchEgg · 26/03/2023 14:08

I think people judge when they see someone doing something they think is 'wrong'. The only time I've noticed people comment is if they think a fat person is eating too much - like at a buffet or wearing something unflattering. I've definitely heard comments from people* I'm with if we are in a group. I don't comment, I think it's vile and none of us live in glass houses.
*not my few close friends. None of us do that.

OneFrenchEgg · 26/03/2023 14:10

The only time I've asked to move on a plane was when the man next to me had a terrible skin condition that he kept picking and flakes fell on me. Which is probably horrible of me. But I wouldn't move if I was next to a fat person.

AgnesX · 26/03/2023 14:12

Does it really matter what other people think. Concentrate on stuff that matters which is not some bunch of random strangers.

LadyKenya · 26/03/2023 14:14

I would not care to be honest. I would notice if someone is very overweight of course. But it is their problem if anything, not mine. People should of course dress how they feel comfortable doing so.

mrcow · 26/03/2023 14:16

Sorry but I wouldn’t give you a second glance. Just wear whatever you want - it’s your holiday.

The only people I judge around swimming pools are those who incessantly talk or laugh over loudly and ruin my peace and quiet!

yodayoga1 · 26/03/2023 14:19

AmandaHoldensLips · 25/03/2023 21:48

I look like a King Edward potato and I wear a bikini - couldn't give a shit and if people don't like it they can look the other way. I'm 60 and totally flabulous just letting it all hang out while sucking on a giant banana daiquiri.

You go for it, girl.

😂Love this!

verysmellyjelly · 26/03/2023 14:21

No, I wouldn't judge you at all.

Endlesssummer2022 · 26/03/2023 14:21

I’d only care if you were so large that you were partly on my seat/arm rest and making my plane ride more uncomfortable. Other than that I wouldn’t be bothered.

Endlesssummer2022 · 26/03/2023 14:23

OneFrenchEgg · 26/03/2023 14:10

The only time I've asked to move on a plane was when the man next to me had a terrible skin condition that he kept picking and flakes fell on me. Which is probably horrible of me. But I wouldn't move if I was next to a fat person.

That’s fucking gross. Of course it’s not horrible to not want to sit for hours whilst a strangers skin flakes fell on you and your inflight meal.

Comedycook · 26/03/2023 14:25

There always someone fatter than you and always someone thinner than you on the beach.