To not breastfeed the third child?

[cityle]

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

I didn't say that but obviously in the case of OP breastfeeding will make her feel worse.

@MisschiefMaker

well at the end of the day it’s tough innit, cos they are her breasts - not ours, not her kids, not her in laws. She can do whatever she wants.

Do what is best for you OP if you don't want to bf then don't - do try some magnesium supplements if feeling touched out for now they do help.

The two things I would say is make sure you factor in cost of formula to your mat budget as generally need 1-2 tins a week at approx £10 per tin depending on brand.

Secondly make sure you read up on how to handle engorgement. Feeding 2 babies you will have very developed milk ducts and more develop each pregnancy so you really do risk mastitis if you are not managing it well as your body is already very advanced with knowing how to make milk.

Bf v ff doesn’t make any difference with bonding. I was bf and my DSis ff - same relationship with our parents.
DT’s have only had formula - great relationship with parents

it is your choice if you BF or not, tell those who need to know that the new baby will be FF, end of as it is of no concern to them. no further conversations are required and no further discussions needed. Conversation closed. The obsessions with new mums BF is ridiculous.

She's not treating him differently, they'll have both been fed.

She's not condemning the non BF child to a lifetime of misery. They'll be fed, just differently.

I'm literally sharing my feelings on having my own babies, that quiet time sat breastfeeding and cluster feeding was really exhausting but really special for me, it did a lot to combat my post natal anxiety and I'm not a naturally sit still person and it forces me to do that until they were big enough to feed in the carrier etc.

It's what I feel I would miss out on with the baby more than what I feel the baby would miss out on. I'm not remotely saying op should bf just sharing my experience infact I've expressly said FF and mixed feeding are perfectly fine choices and actually at various points both of mine had formula, formula is an amazing miracle of science that gives women choices, I'm not anti formula at all. Just sharing why it was important for me.

@Forgooodnesssakenow do you understand how giving a baby a bottle works?? You still have to stop what you’re doing and focus on feeding them.

Do you think you just throw it to them from across the room and they do it themselves at 6 weeks old?

The level of detachment that posters are intent on linking to FF is bloody strange.

I wouldn't be telling anyone anything as it's none of their business, feed the baby as you see fit and leave it to them to have the brass neck to question you. That's how I approach feeding mine! It's noones business but your own.

Yeah, both of mine had bottles at times, my son had up to 4 a day on top of bf to take medication, they have a bottle, be content for a couple of hours, have a bottle. Cluster feeding infants feed for hours at a time, around 8 hours a day the first 6 weeks, it's really very different from a practical point of view.

It's not a level of detachment from FF it's more I think that those who have only FF don't realise the hours spent bf, it can be hugely restrictive actually in the very early days so I completely understand why op wouldn't relish bf a third with 2 still quite small children to look after as well.

I am well aware of the differences, I’ve done both.
You were the one saying sitting down to breastfeed leads to more bonding with the baby. I disagree, you’re sitting down to focus on feeding your baby either way.
If anything sitting down for 6-8 hours a day to breastfeed a baby is a disadvantage to OPs two other children.

Yes it’s hugely restrictive which is one of the reason OP doesn’t want to do it and she’s fine to make that decision for herself and her family!

@Forgooodnesssakenow

“Cluster feeding infants feed for hours at a time, around 8 hours a day the first 6 weeks”

wow that is a lot of sitting down for the mother!! How is that healthy??

I specifically stated FOR ME as someone who struggles to sit and just be that the cluster feeding forced me to do that. That it was important FOR ME. I also said all other feeding types are perfectly valid, mine have both had bottles of expressed milk and formula, I was just trying to give what I saw as a balanced view of what I'd consider before making a decision. Why is that such a problem for you?

For the first 6 weeks you've a wound the size of a dinner plate gradually healing in your uterus, rest is an important part of recover. It is one of the reasons you have blood thinners after a c section because you're very sedentary for 6 weeks hence risk of blood clots.

It's also what mammals do, the human body is designed for breastfeeding like all mammals. You don't HAVE to buy you CAN

Also breastfeeding a newborn takes around 800calories a day so it's not sitting around doing nothing

@Forgooodnesssakenow

a lot of women do struggle to lose weight whilst breastfeeding though

I have 4, eldest is SEN and wouldn’t bf so formula fed, middle two twins were mixed fed, last one was exclusively bf.
Do what works for you.

FF was far easier for me, probably depends on what constitutes a faff for someone but I'd personally take 5 mins max to sort a bottle over sitting there for an hour because baby likes to have one suck then fall asleep, then you try to move because you think it was a false alarm feed, then another few sucks, fall asleep. Rinse repeat.

That was lovely tbf at times, but if I needed to get something done or be somewhere it was pretty tough, definitely contributed to my PND. It did settle but those first 4-5 months of that were really difficult. FF dc was a breeze in comparison

4-5 weeks, not months! Felt like months though

'Also breastfeeding a newborn takes around 800calories a day so it's not sitting around doing nothing.'

How does this follow? Lying in bed asleep uses up calories, but it's the literal definition of lying around and doing nothing. Someone in a coma uses up calories!

Personally I found breastfeeding a newborn exhausting and full-on. But it wasn't because of the sitting around, in itself, it was because the need to be constantly doing it prevented me from doing other things with older DC and because I found letdown painful.

Ignore everyone and do what you want.

And if there's any mention of selfishness remark

"what.... like guilt tripping a new mother into doing something she doesn't want to do just because it suits you?..... that kind of selfish?....."

I have two. One upstairs and one in the kitchen. 😂

They are amazing.

I noticed that on a previous post. Multiple comments about sterilising bottles in the middle of the night as an example of how much faff it is.

Clearly never formula fed. 😂

@Albiboba I've done both. I didn't have the option of pre made formula.

Making up bottles was way more of a faff than breastfeeding.

Also in my case having to deal with the weight issues and projectile vomits that formula caused. Even the prescription on made him vomit disgusting smelling sick all down him.

Give me breastfeeding any day over that.