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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not breastfeed the third child?

271 replies

cityle · 25/03/2023 12:29

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 25/03/2023 21:47

Great post

really don’t see how anyone can argue against this

Ktime · 25/03/2023 21:47

Absolutely fine. My aunt and her dds all never BF, and they had very robust and healthy children.

hopsalong · 25/03/2023 21:48

It's totally fine. But you need to wean DC2 now. If you've decided you don't want to breastfeed at all any more, that's obviously completely fine. If you've decided you don't much like it and can only face doing a little bit more, that's also fine, but then DC3 should have first dibs, because DC2 has already had a lot of breast milk.

I think this is about more than breastfeeding, btw, and that's why you need to sort it out before DC3 is born.

WitheredandOld · 25/03/2023 21:53

Your husband can fuck right off with his comments. You have breastfed for five years and have had enough. The End.

LittleMrsPerfect · 25/03/2023 21:59

Not unreasonable, do what you want, and what works with for your family.

But its doesn't have to be FF or BF for 2 years.

You could BF as first so baby gets the colostrum and antibodies protection and then stop, or mix feed then get the best of both worlds

Desperatelywantinganother · 25/03/2023 22:02

I think you should stop feeding the 2year old now, because it’s hurting and your feeling aversion and you want to night wean anyway.
Do that, then worry about breastfeeding or formula when this baby is born. Don’t base your decision on how you’re currently feeling about feeding your toddler while pregnant.

chocka · 25/03/2023 22:10

Agree with @LittleMrsPerfect . Give the baby colostrum at least. You might feel very differently when you’re feeding a newborn.

Also, I had 3 close in age with DH away a lot and the evenings breastfeeding were totally fine. It was helpful that DC3 took a dummy, which the others didn’t. I think it would’ve been more of a pain sorting bottles etc.
I was tired by the time DC3 came along and I thought I might do certain things differently eg sleep train instead of cosleep. But I didn’t. I just let my instincts lead me again. See how you feel when the time comes, and give yourself a break from breastfeeding now and wean DC2.

suzyscat · 26/03/2023 05:17

cityle · 25/03/2023 13:28

Actually! I remember feeling this way with dc2.

I was adamant I wouldn't breastfeed.. and bought bottles etc.
But it was very natural from day 1.

I actually think my fear is extended breastfeeding.. as with dc2 I kept extending the end goal.

I definitely think I should take it in steps like 1 month.. so on and maybe try and if it becomes in doable then stop.

Because my partner works away half or the month. I'm envisioning cluster feeding with trying to put older two to bed/make dinner

Just so you know aversion is totally natural and frequently can be cured with magnesium supplements. You spray it on the back of your knees for best absorption. I'd read about it a lot on breastfeeding groups and it was like a miracle cure for me (I was tandem feeding and got aversion with my older toddler.
Obvs check before supplementing in pregnancy but honestly it's miracle stuff.

Aversion is the most horrible feeling, if you haven't had it it would be hard to understand.

Also my milk didn't dry up at all in pregnancy so if you're keen too stop I'd phase it out now.

YANBU to do whatever you need to do but you can also try combi feeding? Frankly I found anything other than breastfeeding harder, bottle prep and / sterilising is a much bigger job than flipping a boob out, but then anyone can help with bottles.

If I you can try the magnesium spray then do that/ stop now.

The weight thing is a funny one, I found it much easier whilst breastfeeding so long as I followed SW, but I never got the stopping breastfeeding loss I'd heard about. I guess we're all different.

Good luck and don't worry, do whatever works for you in that moment. You could always get a box of those little glass jar with disposable teat formulas - we were given them in hospital once. That way you've bottles ready if you need but you don't have to rebuy all the kit if you find you don't need them.

Phoebo · 26/03/2023 05:22

I don't know why you'd choose not to BF when you can and know that it's the best thing for your baby. You don't need to do it forever, why not for the first 6-8 months. FF is much more of a faff anyway, sterilising bottles, getting the formula ready while baby is crying etc.

Ktime · 26/03/2023 05:23

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

Does he even understand what hypocrite means? His stupidity would give me the ick.

SkyandSurf · 26/03/2023 06:03

It sounds like you have feeding aversion, and fair enough. This is a really typical time in the pregnancy for it to develop.

Boot the two year old off breastfeeding asap. Give yourself a few months off and then see how you feel when the new baby comes. You might feel better having had a break and actually want to breastfeed the new baby.

I'd try for six months, personally- but only if you have it in you. It's not worth being miserable over.

SkyandSurf · 26/03/2023 06:04

Oh and your husband, and his useless nipples can keep their opinions to themselves.

My husband has never dared to share an opinion on breastfeeding other than helping me do it in whatever way he's directed.

MagpieSong · 26/03/2023 07:24

Not unreasonable as it’s always your choice. However, I found it better for pnd type stuff to breastfeed - the skin to skin and constant closeness helps. Not the case for everyone at all though. It’s not your husband’s choice as they aren’t his boobs. If it’s based on weight, I wouldn’t make it, though. I’ve done both and FF is a huge faff so I’d consider that carefully, plus they cry while you prepare it which I found stressful. BF you just whack them on so much easier to skip tears. My FF baby had serious health issues though, so it was never going to be easy. I’d also think about why you’re feeling aversions. For me, they tend to be related to higher stress, lack of sleep, lack of a break away from children. Once I solve these things, I’m ok. May be worth a thought?

Parker231 · 26/03/2023 07:27

Phoebo · 26/03/2023 05:22

I don't know why you'd choose not to BF when you can and know that it's the best thing for your baby. You don't need to do it forever, why not for the first 6-8 months. FF is much more of a faff anyway, sterilising bottles, getting the formula ready while baby is crying etc.

The OP has said she doesn’t want to bf and ff isn’t a faff particularly with a perfect prep and microwave steriliser

Boymamabee · 26/03/2023 07:36

Your choice!

Maybe you could express for the first few weeks so the baby gets all the cholostrum and antibodies then switch to FF. That’s what I plan on doing.

CoffeeBean5 · 26/03/2023 07:39

@cityle why don’t you try for 6 months? Breast milk/formula is the only food or drink babies need in the first 6 months. After that, babies only need formula milk with solid food until they’re 1 year old. They don’t need milk after that. Maybe you could try breast feeding for only 6 months? 2 years is a very long time. Wean them off now so you have a break.

londonrach · 26/03/2023 07:40

Do what works for you.

wibblewobbleball · 26/03/2023 07:42

I also BF when pregnant and it was a horrible feeling. I thought I wouldn't Bf the new baby! But actually I told my toddler the milk had stopped, and so she stopped BF and I got a few months break. Then left it very open with BF the new baby and said I would see how I felt but did end up feeding her and I've enjoyed it so far! So maybe wean your toddler and give yourself a break!

HibiscusBlues · 26/03/2023 07:46

Firstly, do what you want, no judgement!

Ive breast fed and formula fed and personally I found ff hard for the first bit. Night feeds involve proper wake ups in a cold house, I got quite sleep deprived. Early in the nappies were horrible, lots of gas and wind. Soon a milk allergy was clear, and he failed too thrive for ages. I hated the restrictions on going out. I couldn’t change my mind and stay in the park with friends for example if I hadn’t prepared bottles. I had to super plan long trips. It’s my lifestyle I guess that made it awkward.

Personally in your shoes I’d consider weaning early to bottles, with solids. Before the older baby and comfort nursing got harder ?

HistoryFanatic · 26/03/2023 08:05

Your body, your choice although you would struggle to see that sometimes by the way some posters are telling the OP you would struggle to tell it is her body.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/03/2023 08:14

ferntwist · Yesterday 12:54I hear you OP but I really think you have to at least give a few weeks or months of breastfeeding to baby 3. I know it’s so tough. Could you consider mixed feeding? Good luck momma”

No, she doesn’t have to at all.

Emmamoo89 · 26/03/2023 08:15

Parker231 · 26/03/2023 07:27

The OP has said she doesn’t want to bf and ff isn’t a faff particularly with a perfect prep and microwave steriliser

Show quote history

It's more of a faff than breastfeeding.

Parker231 · 26/03/2023 08:19

Emmamoo89 · 26/03/2023 08:15

It's more of a faff than breastfeeding.

Show quote history

And the OP has said she doesn’t want to bf the new baby.

weststreet · 26/03/2023 09:22

Phoebo · 26/03/2023 05:22

I don't know why you'd choose not to BF when you can and know that it's the best thing for your baby. You don't need to do it forever, why not for the first 6-8 months. FF is much more of a faff anyway, sterilising bottles, getting the formula ready while baby is crying etc.

Why not?

Because she doesn't want to.

FF isn't a faff, either.

7Worfs · 26/03/2023 09:23

wibblewobbleball · 26/03/2023 07:42

I also BF when pregnant and it was a horrible feeling. I thought I wouldn't Bf the new baby! But actually I told my toddler the milk had stopped, and so she stopped BF and I got a few months break. Then left it very open with BF the new baby and said I would see how I felt but did end up feeding her and I've enjoyed it so far! So maybe wean your toddler and give yourself a break!

Yep, breastfeeding a toddler is nothing like breastfeeding a newborn.

I couldn’t wait to wean my 2.5yo and thought “oh no, starting over in 9 months”, but cuddling and feeding a newborn again felt like a privilege. And knowing it’s the last time I will have a baby and feed it made it extra special.

Also I wouldn’t discount the magical comfort of breastfeeding for teething, colds, various ailments, post- baby vaccines and just grizzling and discomfort.