To not breastfeed the third child?

[cityle]

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

I breastfed my first for ten months and formula fed my second from birth. Feel no guilt at all, they're both adored and healthy.

A few things, it's your body and your choice ultimately, so it's nothing to do with your in laws.

You may feel differently when the baby arrives because I think a lot of us get that overwhelming urge to bf. It's a while off yet anyway, so I wouldn't even worry about it now, you're obviously going through a difficult time with your youngest.

Also, everyone's lives just look more easy and stress free from the outside but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Tbh you just sound exhausted, I think it's amazing that you've breastfed 2 children for 2 years respectively and I can completely sympathise that the thought of doing it again must be overwhelming especially when this one wasn't planned.

I only have the one 2yo bf child and I am exhausted, although we are all poorly atm so that doesn't help.

It’s funny how so many mothers on this thread who have never actually bottle fed are the ones adamant in trying to convince the OP how much faff it is.

You’ve never done it so im interested to know why you think it’s so much faff and why you are so sure even though you’ve actually no experience at all?

Pretty weird to give such hardline advice when you seriously don’t know what you’re talking about.

I breastfed mine for the first 4.5 months (half as long as I was pregnant). I don’t think I could have stuck it much longer, and my second DC went from sleeping no longer than 45 mins at a time to sleeping all night, the moment I stopped!

I am very glad I did those few months though, I do think it is best for the baby. No wonder the idea of feeding another one for two years is daunting but you really don’t have to do it for that long. The important bit is the first months before they are weaned.

I have seen you post that breastfeeding is easy but for many it is easier to FF. OP doesn't want to anyway so a moot point. Her body after all.

@mumoffourminimes
My daughter is furious that she was breastfed and her brother wasn't, she thinks it's horrific that she had to 'suck my boobs' as a baby while her brother got a bottle 🤣 definitely no resentment on his side!

@Phoebo

what do you mean you don’t know why she wouldn’t breastfeed? She has made it very clear she has been doing it 5 years and she’s had enough! End of

@Emmamoo89

for you it may have been more faff
lots of other people have had different experiences

I genuinely didn't find it difficult. A flask of water at the right temperature, premeasured amounts in little pots and cold water steriliser which is changed once a day. I agree with you. Funny how a woman can have bodily autonomy but must breastfeed despite not wanting to.

I know right!

why have so many posters on here seemingly never heard of the concept of BODILY AUTONOMY??!

A perfect prep is a game changer on making life easy - and that anyone can give the bottles - grandparents love it.

I am pregnant with number 3 so if all goes well I might be tempted to buy one!

Im guessing some of these posters saying how can you possibly not bf you owe your baby are forced birthers.

Your body your choice but since you ask I do find it odd that you are planning to treat the third, unplanned (unwanted?) child so differently to his/her siblings from the outset. Especially given your history of extended breastfeeding which suggests to me it's something you've previously considered important.

I hope this isn't overstepping but please look out for your MH. With an unplanned pregnancy, breastfeeding aversions, and annoying in-laws you have a lot on your plate. You don't want to start a pattern of deprioritising the unplanned child.

Also your comment about FF babies being happier is nonsense imo. There are advantages to FF but they accrue to the mother not the baby.

The OP is looking after her MH by not wanting to BF.

Well of course it’s your choice and no one here can make the decision for you… not quite sure what you’re looking for here part from what other people do.

i FF my first after multiple issues in the first few weeks and really struggled with it. I hated it, he didn’t sleep at all, it was a right faff having to think and plan feeds etc. I BF my second until he was 2.5yrs and stopped when I was in hospital with a ruptured ectopic. It was challenging of course and exhausting, but a bizillion times easier than FF. he didn’t sleep well at all, but either did my first… the way you feed baby doesn’t dictate whether your baby will sleep. Also I had PND first time but not second

@MisschiefMaker

why on earth would not breastfeeding mean she is going to treat this child any differently to the other two?!

@MisschiefMaker

she is looking after her mental health by not breastfeeding

@LuckySantangelo35 @HistoryFanatic Oh right and mothers of FF babies don't get depressed? You really think it's as easy as that?

You lot are fanatical.

I have a 5 and almost 2 yr old and I both couldn't breastfeed for much longer and couldn't formula feed from the start having bf both of these guys because it would feel so unfair. Not because I believe breastmilk is some magic potion but because it definitely played a part in bonding and particularly the enforced time sitting with them to feed as newborns. If I had a third accidentally I'd have to bf them for my own mental health because I couldn't bear to make a difference. But I'm a middle child of 5 childre so hyperaware of fairness between siblings.

Do I think YOU should bf if you don't want to? Absolutely not! I'd hold off making the decision until baby is here though, have formula ready to roll, see how you feel. As you know feeding a newborn is very different to feeding a toddler, I'm so touched out and ready to stop with my daughter, working on a slow wean to be done when she's 2 but the newborn hormones meant even though I'd felt like this with my eldest I was happy feeding my daughter.

It's harder because you've been a parent for longer but you've not been a parent to this new baby yet and you don't know how you'll feel. If it's what makes life workf or your family formula feed, if you want the ease of night feeds without bottles for example mix feed, if you want to fully bf when the time comes do that. You don't need the pressure either way

@LuckySantangelo35 choosing not to bf one after extended breastfeeding of the first two is obviously treating them differently. The DC hasn't arrived yet and that's already her plan.

Because, from her OP:

1. She's currently in pain breastfeeding
2. She has found it very suffocating
3. The thoughts of her breasts not bring her own for another 2 years is very daunting to her - not a positive thing
4. She thinks breastfeeding contributed to PND in the past

Do none of those things matter??

I think the answer is to stop bf the 2 year old. It hurts because she's pregnant and there's no guarantee her milk will dry up this time around.

Give herself a break then see how she feels when the new one is here.

@MisschiefMaker

lol have you even read OP’s post??! She does NOT want to breastfeed she’s said so