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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I steal their cat? (Sorry long)

284 replies

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:09

Apologies for the long post but don't want to dripfeed.

I fostered a cat for 2 years for a woman and two kids, because they didn't have anywhere to live that would accept cats. The woman actually didn't contact me for 1 whole year so I thought he was actually my cat now.

She did however get in touch at Xmas to ask for him back. I didn't want to upset her kids and thought it was the right thing to do so I gave him back in January and we kept in touch.

After two weeks (early Feb) the 12 year old let him out and he ran off and then the family went out for the day. He then went missing for 5 weeks and was found by them emaciated and near death having been trapped in an outdoor store cupboard for that time. During that time I couldn't eat or sleep for worry and did everything I could to get him back. I even begged them for the chip number to update his details as they hadn't done it. And I registered the details in my name as they still don't really have permanent address or reliable phone number (long story).

The day after he was found they took him to the PDSA vet came to see me as I lived next to the PDSA vets and we all went together to see him. The vet asked someone to visit in the morning to move him to another vets. The woman asked me as she lived a 30 min train journey away and didn't want to have to get up so early because she is on her own and heavily pregnant. I agreed and picked him up last Thursday and transported him from the night vet to the day vet. At that point he had a seizure and the vet was suggesting putting him to sleep. I begged him not to. It was agreed that we give him to 5pm that day to make a decision. The woman said she wouldn't come unless there was a definite decision and again asked me to go. To my amazement he had perked up and the vet said I could take him home and, being so in shock, I took him to my flat 2 mins from the vets.

As soon he got there he was purring and going back to all his old spots (even though he could barely walk). It was like he had never left and all his things from the past 2 years are here. He is sleeping on my chest everynight.

Last Friday I asked the woman if they would like to come and visit him and they said they would and then didn't turn up. At that point I decided it would be wrong to move him again, as he is so settled here and I'd miss him so much. I also feel they were a bit irresponsible letting him out so soon etc.

I've now spent £400 at my own vets getting home blood tests etc and getting him special food which I know they can't afford as they are currently using food banks.

I wrote the family a nice letter asking if he could stay with me and saying I felt it would be cruel to unsettle him again. The family have responded saying the 12 year is crying every day and he "needs to come home!". But surely his home is here, where I kept him safe for the last 2 years?

Thanks for reading as I am so very torn, particularly as I don't want to upset a child.

OP posts:
threwitout · 25/03/2023 18:59

I really wouldn't lie because you will have a low level of stress about being caught in the lie for the rest of your life in case she just turns up

My suggestions are above - either go silent or directly ask for payment for the vet - they won't pay £££

mumoffourminimes · 25/03/2023 19:34

Are you the incompetent cat owner @TomeTome ?

TheNestedIf · 25/03/2023 19:37

I think I'd be upfront about it. You're keeping the cat.

They cannot care for the cat, and they have not been caring for the cat. They don't have the right food. They don't have money for vet bills. Their address isn't permanent so the cat could end up being fostered again anyway (if they don't manage kill it with neglect in the meantime). For the cat's health and happiness he needs to stay with you. What are they going to do about it if you just say "no" to having him back, with those reasons? They can't afford to take you to court, and I suspect if they tried you would win.

As for the child, it's sad for them, but they need to learn that a cat is not a toy and comes with responsibility. If the family will not or cannot fulfil that responsibility, the kind thing to do is let the cat go somewhere he will be happy and cared for.

MinBins · 25/03/2023 20:19

Keep the cat, it's yours and has bonded with you. If it goes back likely they'll do the same thing again. And a 12 year old will get over it.

Don't ask them, tell them. 💪🏼🙌🏼

TomeTome · 25/03/2023 20:32

mumoffourminimes · 25/03/2023 19:34

Are you the incompetent cat owner @TomeTome ?

What because I don’t steal cats? Yeah totally incompetent. 🙄

Original poster
Babbitybowsters · 30/03/2023 17:38

Hi, for those who have given advice, thank you.

I've messaged them a compromise - to say that I that I'll hold onto the cat until he is off meds and when they are in their permanent home (at the moment they are in temporary accommodation through the council and I'm not sure if they are allowed pets to be honest).

They are still very hostile and demanding the cat immediately. But as the mum is about to go into hospital anyway the other two children will have to go to the grans for a while, so surely I'm doing them all a favour (and, crucially, I'm advocating for the poorly cat)?

OP posts:
CatChant · 30/03/2023 17:55

I still wouldn’t give him back. I would not trust them with a tamagotchi, let alone a living creature.

His chip is in your name, you paid for the treatment that saved his life. He trusts you.

I think he will die from neglect if he goes back to them.

Novatherova · 30/03/2023 18:42

Whyyyyyy!! Don't give them the cat back. He?? Loves you and safest with you.

Over40Overdating · 31/03/2023 14:17

@Babbitybowsters they sound more and more feckless and not fit to have a pet rock.
Temp housing, mum about to go to hospital, kids shipped off but they need the cat now. A cat they would have happily PTS not long ago.

I’d block them to be honest and be done with it. You’ve got proof of how they cared for the cat last time. They don’t have a leg to stand on.

verdantverdure · 31/03/2023 14:35

Bless you @Babbitybowsters but just keep him and love him.

I just can't put their unrealistic "want" above a sick cat's life or death needs.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 31/03/2023 14:44

Tell them he's gone downhill and is going to need to be on expensive meds for the rest of his life.

I guarantee you'll never hear from them again

Original poster
Babbitybowsters · 01/04/2023 10:41

Interesting development. Two police turned up at my door yesterday with a cat carrier!

I was shaking... Showed the chip documents and explained how he had lived here since 2020. The other family had omitted to mention that fact. It was touch and go, and I believe if I didn't have the chip papers they would have taken him as I couldn't prove ownership. Although the police officer was willing to speak to vet etc to ascertain Dcat had been registered here. The other family have the cat's passport as he was brought here by them from Germany in 2020.

As you can imagine, it was very scary to have a the police here while I was trying to get my daughter ready for school. Also I'm so shocked and I had been asking the family to meet/talk with me all week!

Thankfully the officer has confirmed that he won't be take further action and has advised them that it's a civil matter. I may hear from them again, or maybe not.

Very sad all round!

OP posts:
viques · 01/04/2023 10:46

Babbitybowsters · 01/04/2023 10:41

Interesting development. Two police turned up at my door yesterday with a cat carrier!

I was shaking... Showed the chip documents and explained how he had lived here since 2020. The other family had omitted to mention that fact. It was touch and go, and I believe if I didn't have the chip papers they would have taken him as I couldn't prove ownership. Although the police officer was willing to speak to vet etc to ascertain Dcat had been registered here. The other family have the cat's passport as he was brought here by them from Germany in 2020.

As you can imagine, it was very scary to have a the police here while I was trying to get my daughter ready for school. Also I'm so shocked and I had been asking the family to meet/talk with me all week!

Thankfully the officer has confirmed that he won't be take further action and has advised them that it's a civil matter. I may hear from them again, or maybe not.

Very sad all round!

How did they get a cat passport from Germany if the cat wasn’t microchipped?

viques · 01/04/2023 10:48

Sorry re read, I see the cat did have a chip previously.

Over40Overdating · 01/04/2023 10:52

These people are shameless.

Please block them now and enjoy your cat. They are selfish and have repaid your kindness and generosity by sending the police after you. You owe them nothing.

GeekyThings · 01/04/2023 10:52

Babbitybowsters · 01/04/2023 10:41

Interesting development. Two police turned up at my door yesterday with a cat carrier!

I was shaking... Showed the chip documents and explained how he had lived here since 2020. The other family had omitted to mention that fact. It was touch and go, and I believe if I didn't have the chip papers they would have taken him as I couldn't prove ownership. Although the police officer was willing to speak to vet etc to ascertain Dcat had been registered here. The other family have the cat's passport as he was brought here by them from Germany in 2020.

As you can imagine, it was very scary to have a the police here while I was trying to get my daughter ready for school. Also I'm so shocked and I had been asking the family to meet/talk with me all week!

Thankfully the officer has confirmed that he won't be take further action and has advised them that it's a civil matter. I may hear from them again, or maybe not.

Very sad all round!

If they try anything through civil courts (doubtful, as that costs money) then countersue for the £400 plus two years worth of expenses, which would average at around £1700. That'll shut them up!

Keep the cat, the police have basically given you the go ahead, and you have the vet to back you up about their lack of care for him.

leaderofthelittles · 01/04/2023 11:10

Vet here. I'm absolutely astounded the police have got involved in this (and bought a car carrier!!!) are you in the UK? This sounds very unrealistic

Noshowlomo · 01/04/2023 11:24

KEEP THE CAT. Please keep him

CatChant · 01/04/2023 12:01

Keep him and block them. The police are taking no further action and they cannot afford a civil suit. They have also shown themselves to be very unpleasant and irrational people.

Your cat has had a lucky escape.

Original poster
Babbitybowsters · 01/04/2023 12:13

leaderofthelittles · 01/04/2023 11:10

Vet here. I'm absolutely astounded the police have got involved in this (and bought a car carrier!!!) are you in the UK? This sounds very unrealistic

I'm in Scotland.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babbitybowsters · 01/04/2023 12:14

viques · 01/04/2023 10:46

How did they get a cat passport from Germany if the cat wasn’t microchipped?

Show quote history

He was chipped but even when he was missing they didn't update it from the address in Germany, so I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babbitybowsters · 01/04/2023 12:16

I hope this thread has been useful to anyone who ever ends up in this situation.

OP posts:
Novatherova · 01/04/2023 16:52

Babbitybowsters · 01/04/2023 12:16

I hope this thread has been useful to anyone who ever ends up in this situation.

Really worried about this cat. Are you keeping him? Please. He will have a happy life with you. They don't deserve him or you for that matter. Aren't they basically homeless?? Or did i read that wrong.

ifeelimgoingmad · 01/04/2023 17:03

I’ve been in temporary accommodation (Glasgow) before and the lease stipulated zero tolerance to pets and that it would breach the agreement and see me kicked out. It was due to risk of others using the house afterwards with severe allergies and damage to property.

The family should be thanking you for putting effort into the cat and his health.

As for the police. My ex sent them to my house for my dog as he claimed the dog as his. Microchip was indeed in his name etc but I could prove that for the last 3 years I was paying vet bills etc and the police were happy enough with that. He had fabricated that I’d showed to his house and removed the dog- dog walker confirmed she had the dog during the time of the alleged dog napping and I could prove I was in work- they may have made a similar scenario up.

Nottodaysausage · 01/04/2023 17:28

Just wow 🥴 he loves you OP, I'm sure he has no idea who they are. She isn't going to pursue you so I would just block her and keep the poor thing