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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I steal their cat? (Sorry long)

284 replies

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:09

Apologies for the long post but don't want to dripfeed.

I fostered a cat for 2 years for a woman and two kids, because they didn't have anywhere to live that would accept cats. The woman actually didn't contact me for 1 whole year so I thought he was actually my cat now.

She did however get in touch at Xmas to ask for him back. I didn't want to upset her kids and thought it was the right thing to do so I gave him back in January and we kept in touch.

After two weeks (early Feb) the 12 year old let him out and he ran off and then the family went out for the day. He then went missing for 5 weeks and was found by them emaciated and near death having been trapped in an outdoor store cupboard for that time. During that time I couldn't eat or sleep for worry and did everything I could to get him back. I even begged them for the chip number to update his details as they hadn't done it. And I registered the details in my name as they still don't really have permanent address or reliable phone number (long story).

The day after he was found they took him to the PDSA vet came to see me as I lived next to the PDSA vets and we all went together to see him. The vet asked someone to visit in the morning to move him to another vets. The woman asked me as she lived a 30 min train journey away and didn't want to have to get up so early because she is on her own and heavily pregnant. I agreed and picked him up last Thursday and transported him from the night vet to the day vet. At that point he had a seizure and the vet was suggesting putting him to sleep. I begged him not to. It was agreed that we give him to 5pm that day to make a decision. The woman said she wouldn't come unless there was a definite decision and again asked me to go. To my amazement he had perked up and the vet said I could take him home and, being so in shock, I took him to my flat 2 mins from the vets.

As soon he got there he was purring and going back to all his old spots (even though he could barely walk). It was like he had never left and all his things from the past 2 years are here. He is sleeping on my chest everynight.

Last Friday I asked the woman if they would like to come and visit him and they said they would and then didn't turn up. At that point I decided it would be wrong to move him again, as he is so settled here and I'd miss him so much. I also feel they were a bit irresponsible letting him out so soon etc.

I've now spent £400 at my own vets getting home blood tests etc and getting him special food which I know they can't afford as they are currently using food banks.

I wrote the family a nice letter asking if he could stay with me and saying I felt it would be cruel to unsettle him again. The family have responded saying the 12 year is crying every day and he "needs to come home!". But surely his home is here, where I kept him safe for the last 2 years?

Thanks for reading as I am so very torn, particularly as I don't want to upset a child.

OP posts:
Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:15

Please help Mumsnetters as I feel like I'm in no win situation.

OP posts:
missmollygreen · 25/03/2023 10:15

As much as I dont really agree with people stealing cats.... in this instance I would tell them the cat has died and never speak ti them again.
They are using you and clearing dont give a toss about the cat anyway

Reddickyouless · 25/03/2023 10:15

Tell them he's run away and keep him.normally I'd disagree with keeping someone's pet but they sound like shit owners
Poor old boy

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:19

Yes you, yes I wish I had said something like that. I'm not sure how long this is going to go on for and I feel really stressed.

OP posts:
DaveyJonesLocker · 25/03/2023 10:20

Tell them it died. 100% they nearly killed it and didn't even care enough to go to the vets themself.

FitAt50 · 25/03/2023 10:20

I have two cats and would rather they were with someone who looked after them could afford vets bills. The family clearly don't give a toss and you should so keep him X

dementedpixie · 25/03/2023 10:21

Tell them the cat went downhill again and died and then keep it. They sound awful and the cat would have no quality of life there

Aftjbtibg · 25/03/2023 10:21

It’s a tricky one but she can’t have it both ways; expect you to help look after the cat and pay when she can’t but then want the cat back when everything is fine. I suspect the cat was trying to come back to you when it got out from their home so on balance I’d keep the cat. I’m not convinced that a 12 year old is bothered about a cat that hadn’t lived with them for 2 years anyway.

CatChant · 25/03/2023 10:22

Keep him, keep him, keep him, KEEP HIM!

They sound feckless and neglectful. He’s only alive because of you.

Say he died, or ran away.

Nimbostratus100 · 25/03/2023 10:23

I am never dishonest, or a liar, but in this case, I would very much be saying the cat sadly died in its sleep last night, comfortable and happy.

You just have to make sure the vet knows not to contact them again by mistake

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:24

Thanks I was expecting people to say I was in the wrong...

OP posts:
Ktime · 25/03/2023 10:24

I agree tell them he died.

If they come for him, tell them they owe you £400, they will disappear.

Is your name on his chip?

TheFlis12345 · 25/03/2023 10:25

Keep the poor cat, they don’t sound like they can offer it a safe and stable home.

WimpoleHat · 25/03/2023 10:25

The family have responded saying the 12 year is crying every day and he "needs to come home!".

Say “of course - what date is convenient? Will you send me the £400 for the vet’s bill via bank transfer or is cash when you collect easier?”. Bet you never hear from them again.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/03/2023 10:25

Keep him. Do everything you can to keep him. If he goes back to them then likelihood is he'll die pretty quickly.

iwantavuvezela · 25/03/2023 10:26

Can you mention (make up) ongoing vet cost / medication needed for cat or just don't respond to their messages - they really don't seem to know how to look after a cat or have the cats interests at heart

NowItsSpring · 25/03/2023 10:26

Let them know the amount of the vet bill, sm sure they'll back off

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:26

Yes my name is on the chip now because I paid for it and I didn't actually know her address at the time and time was of the essence. He had been over two weeks lost at that point.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 25/03/2023 10:27

Put together a statement of the offer you made to look after the cat temporarily and how it actually turned out. Add a list of all your expenses in a bill with as much supporting evidence as you can get, include bank statements and evidence from the vet.
Then invite her to pay the bill, and if she refuses to take you to court for possession. If it gets that far show your evidence to the court.

Ktime · 25/03/2023 10:28

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:26

Yes my name is on the chip now because I paid for it and I didn't actually know her address at the time and time was of the essence. He had been over two weeks lost at that point.

So the cat is legally yours? I think.

Thelnebriati · 25/03/2023 10:28

The microchip only shows the registered keeper, not the legal owner of the animal.

TuesdayJulyNever · 25/03/2023 10:28

Bless you for looking after the poor cat.

crackfoxy · 25/03/2023 10:29

WimpoleHat · 25/03/2023 10:25

The family have responded saying the 12 year is crying every day and he "needs to come home!".

Say “of course - what date is convenient? Will you send me the £400 for the vet’s bill via bank transfer or is cash when you collect easier?”. Bet you never hear from them again.

Yes this!

YouveGotToGrooveIt · 25/03/2023 10:30

I agree with others, I'd simply stop communicating with them at all and keep the cat.

If they ever reach out for him then start the conversation with the money they owe you for his vet care. My guess is they will vanish again pretty sharpish.

derbylass81 · 25/03/2023 10:30

Is he an indoor or outdoor cat? If he's indoor (ie they would never see him in the street or whatever) I would definitely keep him, say he died or whatever.