Did I steal their cat? (Sorry long)

[Babbitybowsters]

Apologies for the long post but don't want to dripfeed.

I fostered a cat for 2 years for a woman and two kids, because they didn't have anywhere to live that would accept cats. The woman actually didn't contact me for 1 whole year so I thought he was actually my cat now.

She did however get in touch at Xmas to ask for him back. I didn't want to upset her kids and thought it was the right thing to do so I gave him back in January and we kept in touch.

After two weeks (early Feb) the 12 year old let him out and he ran off and then the family went out for the day. He then went missing for 5 weeks and was found by them emaciated and near death having been trapped in an outdoor store cupboard for that time. During that time I couldn't eat or sleep for worry and did everything I could to get him back. I even begged them for the chip number to update his details as they hadn't done it. And I registered the details in my name as they still don't really have permanent address or reliable phone number (long story).

The day after he was found they took him to the PDSA vet came to see me as I lived next to the PDSA vets and we all went together to see him. The vet asked someone to visit in the morning to move him to another vets. The woman asked me as she lived a 30 min train journey away and didn't want to have to get up so early because she is on her own and heavily pregnant. I agreed and picked him up last Thursday and transported him from the night vet to the day vet. At that point he had a seizure and the vet was suggesting putting him to sleep. I begged him not to. It was agreed that we give him to 5pm that day to make a decision. The woman said she wouldn't come unless there was a definite decision and again asked me to go. To my amazement he had perked up and the vet said I could take him home and, being so in shock, I took him to my flat 2 mins from the vets.

As soon he got there he was purring and going back to all his old spots (even though he could barely walk). It was like he had never left and all his things from the past 2 years are here. He is sleeping on my chest everynight.

Last Friday I asked the woman if they would like to come and visit him and they said they would and then didn't turn up. At that point I decided it would be wrong to move him again, as he is so settled here and I'd miss him so much. I also feel they were a bit irresponsible letting him out so soon etc.

I've now spent £400 at my own vets getting home blood tests etc and getting him special food which I know they can't afford as they are currently using food banks.

I wrote the family a nice letter asking if he could stay with me and saying I felt it would be cruel to unsettle him again. The family have responded saying the 12 year is crying every day and he "needs to come home!". But surely his home is here, where I kept him safe for the last 2 years?

Thanks for reading as I am so very torn, particularly as I don't want to upset a child.

she wants him back - she pays the vet bill and boarding fees.
I don't use catteries now, but I think around £15 daily?
the CF doesn't seem able to care for the cat, and the cat should have a responsible carer.

Definitely keep him. I'd ask them to bring cash for the vets bill when they come to collect him. Bet they don't!

It’s not about not caring for the cat.

This woman had no address, no money and no regular phone number.
She was too busy trying to survive and keep her child safe than worrying about a cat who she knew was in safe hands.

She was a caring owner because instead of abandoning the cat or even giving it to a rescue, she found someone trustworthy to take care of it whilst she was homeless.

OP knew all of this which is why she agreed to foster it but when you foster you also agree to give it back once they’ve found somewhere to live.

The child has obviously been through a lot and getting her cat back is probably what has helped her cope with such a difficult situation.

I do think this woman has enough to sort out and if I was OP I would have definitely asked to keep it or even suggest that I foster it for longer and the child can visit instead.
But the agreement was that OP would give the cat back and she cannot just change her mind.

Pretty easy. Say ok you'll sort out the invoice for everything it's cost you to care for cat and the recent vets bill which is 400 quid on it's own and as soon as that's paid you'll give him back.

I’ll tell them the vet cost, giving evidence and everything I’ve incurred since they’ve been irresponsible when keeping him for a short time and also let them know the ongoing special food he’ll need.
Explain that they have a week to pay and come
and take the cat back (they certainly won’t). Otherwise if they don’t do this in a week then the cat will be yours and they shouldn’t contact you again about it.

agree.

In this situation, as you know they aren't caring for him properly and you've had to both deal with the vets and pay for treatment, I would have just said he didn't make it and kept him.
Normally I'd say he should go back to his owner as per the agreement, but in this case you know for a fact he isn't being properly looked after.

Keep the cat. This woman has no idea on how to look after a cat. What is she going to do? Sue you? This would be a civil matter. It doesn't sound like she has the time or money to do so. Harsh maybe but that's the truth.

Good points actually.
I agree.

ask when they want to come and collect him, and can they bring along with the repayment for vet bills, special food and chip you paid for as you’re out of pocket / will need it before end of month

I would reply saying that the vet suggested putting the cat to sleep, but you paid £400 to try and save it. So if they want the cat back they need to reimburse you £400 first.

Let's face it, if they had to make that decision, she would have said put to sleep. So surely it's your cat from the point of you paying to try and save it. So id say it already your cat now

I think you should give him back. You did a favour to a woman with small children who was homeless and is even now dependent on food banks to feed herself. She’s poor and heavily pregnant not feckless. The cat got out and got locked in, it didn’t run away.

Certainly don’t lie to her and tell her it’s dead 😮.

Harsh as this sounds, if you can't afford a pet, you shouldn't have a pet. They cost money and need food, monthly de-fleaing, booster jabs, cat litter, and vet bills or insurance. If you can't provide that, you shouldn't have one. As much as this family seems to be struggling, it is not in a position to provide this, especially with a newborn due.

I'm a lifelong cat lover and I say keep him.

You missed your chance; you could just have sent a message saying "Tibbles is in a better place, RIP" and let her think the vet put him down.

I'd reply now "well, if he's your cat so is the vets bill I just paid I've got the receipt, £400. Let me know when you're bringing it, and you can take him home.".

Or if that's too mean for you; tell the 12 yr old you'll buy his beloved cat for 50 quid.

Either way, I wouldnt be doing any more running around and transport for the CF mother.

How can she feed the cat then if she cannot afford to feed herself and her children?
The cat needs quality of life too

Don't lie about death.. But say the cat needs extensive care and ongoing daily medication plus special diet of expensive vets food due to being near death. Put up a sum. And set up a date plus ask for reimbursement of vet bills (all this to stop the demands to give him back)

@TomeTome I think you should give him back. You did a favour to a woman with small children who was homeless and is even now dependent on food banks to feed herself. She’s poor and heavily pregnant not feckless.

She's been homeless for over two years; now dependent on food banks to feed the kids she's got. In that situation, pregnant again IS feckless

How can she feed the cat then if she cannot afford to feed herself and her children? The cat needs quality of life too

Exactly. A pet is a privilege not a birthright and they cannot provide what he needs.

Do you keep him indoors? If yes then definitely tell them he ran away or died as they are never going to find out.
Either way you shouldn’t give him back.

100% keep him.

She didn't give a toss for a year and didn't respond to you?

I can't imagine doing that.

You haven't stolen him, he's yours and deserves a home that can love him and look after his health needs.

Clearly the cat should stay with you. You cared enough to microchip it for a start.

I would ask your vet to intercede on your behalf and call them. DM's vet did this for her under similar circs.

I would make it clear that you expect to be reimbursed before he is handed back.
Also, give her a breakdown of the costs involved in his day to day care and frequency/ cost of his vet treatment. Explain that this needs to be kept up to as the vet says that he would go down hill quicky if this quality of care wasn't kept up to.
Ask her to think carefully about whether she can manage this before insisting that he comes home.

I have a feeling that she would realise that she isn't in a position to care for him.

Absolutely keep the cat! This woman is clearly still struggling to provide a stable environment for the whole family and has repeatedly relied on you to provide the care for the cat, even when you’ve given him back.

Cats have a right to care - people do not have a right to cats because a 12 year old who can’t close a door to keep a cat safe is crying about it. They’d have had the cat PTS without the OP so what would the 12 year old have done in that instance?

And I disagree with a PP who said the woman is poor not feckless. Getting pregnant again whilst being financially on the bones of her arse IS feckless. She sounds chaotic and reckless.

Another vote for keep the cat. He nearly died under her "care". I wouldn't bother asking for the vets' bills as arguably that shows you have a willingness to return him. Tell her he died.

He loves you & his home is with you.

This is 100% your cat. He wants that, you want that.
Enjoy life with your little cat friend who is clearly very well looked after with you 😊😊