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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I steal their cat? (Sorry long)

284 replies

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:09

Apologies for the long post but don't want to dripfeed.

I fostered a cat for 2 years for a woman and two kids, because they didn't have anywhere to live that would accept cats. The woman actually didn't contact me for 1 whole year so I thought he was actually my cat now.

She did however get in touch at Xmas to ask for him back. I didn't want to upset her kids and thought it was the right thing to do so I gave him back in January and we kept in touch.

After two weeks (early Feb) the 12 year old let him out and he ran off and then the family went out for the day. He then went missing for 5 weeks and was found by them emaciated and near death having been trapped in an outdoor store cupboard for that time. During that time I couldn't eat or sleep for worry and did everything I could to get him back. I even begged them for the chip number to update his details as they hadn't done it. And I registered the details in my name as they still don't really have permanent address or reliable phone number (long story).

The day after he was found they took him to the PDSA vet came to see me as I lived next to the PDSA vets and we all went together to see him. The vet asked someone to visit in the morning to move him to another vets. The woman asked me as she lived a 30 min train journey away and didn't want to have to get up so early because she is on her own and heavily pregnant. I agreed and picked him up last Thursday and transported him from the night vet to the day vet. At that point he had a seizure and the vet was suggesting putting him to sleep. I begged him not to. It was agreed that we give him to 5pm that day to make a decision. The woman said she wouldn't come unless there was a definite decision and again asked me to go. To my amazement he had perked up and the vet said I could take him home and, being so in shock, I took him to my flat 2 mins from the vets.

As soon he got there he was purring and going back to all his old spots (even though he could barely walk). It was like he had never left and all his things from the past 2 years are here. He is sleeping on my chest everynight.

Last Friday I asked the woman if they would like to come and visit him and they said they would and then didn't turn up. At that point I decided it would be wrong to move him again, as he is so settled here and I'd miss him so much. I also feel they were a bit irresponsible letting him out so soon etc.

I've now spent £400 at my own vets getting home blood tests etc and getting him special food which I know they can't afford as they are currently using food banks.

I wrote the family a nice letter asking if he could stay with me and saying I felt it would be cruel to unsettle him again. The family have responded saying the 12 year is crying every day and he "needs to come home!". But surely his home is here, where I kept him safe for the last 2 years?

Thanks for reading as I am so very torn, particularly as I don't want to upset a child.

OP posts:
Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 25/03/2023 10:42

Well if you tell her it's dead she isn't going to travel to look into your windows for a dcat that she thinks isn't there is she?

Ingrowncrotchhair · 25/03/2023 10:43

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 25/03/2023 10:38

But Thelnabriati is correct,it's not proof of ownership.

Show quote history

@Thelnebriati @Throwncrumbs @Babbitybowsters under the eyes of the law, the cat is a car. Pets are considered chattel.
I was in a very similar situation, cat abandoned with us for 2 years etc. I tried everything.

Clymene · 25/03/2023 10:43

Tell them the cat died. They didn't look after it properly and don't deserve to have it back. Thank you for caring

bucketloadofcats · 25/03/2023 10:44

I suspect when the vet recommended the cat be PTS, she would have agreed as she wouldn't have paid for the expensive alternative bills you racked up. Hence... no longer her cat.

Original poster
Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:45

Paranoidandroidmarvin · 25/03/2023 10:41

sorry. Pressed send to quick.

I had some back forth with a cat. Long story won’t bore u. But the vet wouldn’t let me do anything with him as he was still registered to the chip from his previous owner.

so any vet would give him back to u.

I then had a problem like this where someone wanted him back after not treating him well and not feeding him. I told them that he had developed a medical problem and the pills alone and regular appointments came to alot of money each month. They soon backed down. I wouldn’t say he died and that cat could still be seen where u are. ( if that makes sense )

Thanks, good (in a way) to know that I'm not the only person to have ended up in this bizarre situation...

OP posts:
Reddickyouless · 25/03/2023 10:45

If you say it died @Babbitybowsters be preparedfor them to ask what vet it went to.
If you say it ran off , it can return and disappear again and again and again

CrapBucket · 25/03/2023 10:45

I would just stop being in contact with them. They aren't going to travel over to your home to collect the cat. Just ignore any messages.

Emmalou0607 · 25/03/2023 10:46

They went no contact with you for the first year, go no contact with them. Block numbers / Facebook anything like that and get on with your life with YOUR furbaby.

From what you've said the cat is clearly much happier with you!

Original poster
Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:46

Ingrowncrotchhair · 25/03/2023 10:43

@Thelnebriati @Throwncrumbs @Babbitybowsters under the eyes of the law, the cat is a car. Pets are considered chattel.
I was in a very similar situation, cat abandoned with us for 2 years etc. I tried everything.

Show quote history

Sorry to hear you were in a similar situation. Did you have to give the cat back? Did they take you to court?

OP posts:
8e88e · 25/03/2023 10:48

I just want to mention about the chip.. I work for a dog charity (a big one) and when people want to hand over their dogs to us we have to ask if they are microchipped to them. If they are not, we can't take the dog. Microchip is used as proof of ownership. So I would tell the woman that as the microchip is in your name, that makes you the owner so if she wants the cat back she will have to get the chip details changed first and pay you the £400 vet bill and THEN you will hand the cat back to her. I guarantee she will just leave it

Ingrowncrotchhair · 25/03/2023 10:48

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:45

Thanks, good (in a way) to know that I'm not the only person to have ended up in this bizarre situation...

Show quote history

You’re not alone. I found myself in a similar situation, it’s been 3 years and I still miss that cat

romdowa · 25/03/2023 10:48

Tell them the cat has died and that they owe you 400 quid in vets bills. They'll soon vanish

Emmamoo89 · 25/03/2023 10:49

Definitely keep the kitty. They sound like shit others and shouldn't be allowed pets.

SprinkleRainbow · 25/03/2023 10:49

If this was cat (not that I'd be so uncaring towards it) I would want you to keep him.
He's loved, cared for, can get medical treatment, he's happy and has a stable home.
I nearly rehomed my cat after getting into debt over vets bills, and worrying I wouldn't be able to pay for any future treatment but when it came to it I could not do it. Because its my cat, my responsibility and part of my family. And I managed the bills one way or another.
Do what's best for the cat, ask her for the £400 for his bill then stop communicating with her and see how it plays out.

LemonSwan · 25/03/2023 10:50

I was coming on here to tell you yabu, as I hate cat thief’s. But you haven’t really stolen the cat. She gave it to you, you looked after him well, gave him back when asked and they nearly killed him and didn’t even bother coming to see him at the Vets. And she’s pregnant again and living out a food bank. Things are only going to get worse not better. Keep him.

gazpachosoupday · 25/03/2023 10:50

I would say they can have the cat back once you get your money back.

From my judge Rinder watching days, I believe cats are classed as property

Treeabovethefire · 25/03/2023 10:51

Ingrowncrotchhair · 25/03/2023 10:40

The cat is legally hers - I have some unfortunate experience with this, similar to the op but, in my case, the name on the chip was the other person’s so I had to give the cat back because the legal owner is the one on the chip.

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It doesn’t come down to the name on the chip at all. There would have been more into it why you lost your cat. If it was down to the name on the chip then anyone could take anyone’s cat off the street, get it chipped and then claim ownership.

Sassyfox · 25/03/2023 10:51

YABU

I foster pets for women escaping domestic violence.

They have no fixed address, live in refuges or B&Bs, often have no money or no job but their pet is still their pet and I will always give their pet back.

Sometimes it’s heartbreaking because I worry the woman will go back to her DP and the pet be at risk of abuse but I cannot just steal their pet.

It sounds like your situation is very similar and you were only ever looking after her pet and so you cannot just keep it now.

ilovesooty · 25/03/2023 10:51

Reluctantadult · 25/03/2023 10:34

I don't think I could bring myself to lie and tell them he'd died. I think I'd message them to say you love him and very much want to keep him, but if they insist they want to keep him they need to reimburse you the vets bills. Knowing that's unlikely.

In addition they'll have to get the microchip details changed and give you proof of this before you release him. I'd want to see evidence of ongoing ability to pay for vet care too, and well as reimbursement of your costs. You won't see them for dust.

painterp · 25/03/2023 10:52

Don't lie and say the cat is dead. But I agree with PPs say about telling them you will gove him back for £400 and if they contest that then say what @8e88e says about this is what it will cost to change microchip details. It's a bit #**!y to do that bit but you have it up your sleeve if they respond badly to you saying you want the £400

bigbillybobhowler · 25/03/2023 10:52

What's best for the cat? Forget everyone else? There you have your answer, for the cat to stay where it's cared for and looked after.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 25/03/2023 10:52

Treeabovethefire · 25/03/2023 10:51

It doesn’t come down to the name on the chip at all. There would have been more into it why you lost your cat. If it was down to the name on the chip then anyone could take anyone’s cat off the street, get it chipped and then claim ownership.

Show quote history

Yes, exactly. You need ownership papers .

Ingrowncrotchhair · 25/03/2023 10:53

Babbitybowsters · 25/03/2023 10:46

Sorry to hear you were in a similar situation. Did you have to give the cat back? Did they take you to court?

Show quote history

They eventually started harassing us, we didn’t back down, they reported us to the police, who actually came after us. After that, my partner was so stressed out by the whole thing that he decided to give the cat back. I wanted to let them take us to court, but I had to respect my partner’s wishes.
the cat had been with us for over 2 years, they barely asked any questions, never asked for a picture, never gave us a penny for his upkeep. They had moved to the other side of the world, we genuinely thought the cat was ours. Then they came back to the UK and… as above.

LaughingSomnambulist · 25/03/2023 10:54

They had no where to live and still don’t have a reliable home or even phone number, they are using food banks and she is pregnant again? She shouldn’t be anywhere near an animal, let alone a child. Totally irresponsible.

Keep the cat.

Highfivemum · 25/03/2023 10:55

I wouldn’t lie and say he has died. I would send a copy of your bill for the vets and asked how she wishes to pay it back ?