To be fucked off that DH ate my leftovers

[CatLoaf]

I had an amazing dinner last night, steak platter with friends. It came with bubble and squeak, fab chips...piles of it, and we couldn't finish it. I checked with the others if they were OK with me taking the leftovers home, and was so so looking forward to them tonight. DH (a 'flexitarian' who tries not to eat meat), just told me he ate it for lunch.

I am so so pissed off, and I KNOW I should have expressly told him not to eat it if that's what I wanted. But I'm 6 months pregnant, hormonal, and when he told me I just saw red. Totally overreacted and told him I was really pissed off with him. Then went into our bedroom and had a scream into a pillow. I know, pathetic. Then I told him he could sort his own dinner out.

Now he's taken his coat and backpack and gone out, saying he can't stay here atm. It's completely blown up and I feel horrible. Currently sitting in the dark in DD's room. I hate this

This is clearly a different households different rules thing. Who's being unreasonable depends what the normal "rule" is for leftovers in your house.

Either way seems like a big over reaction from both sides. Assuming it's not a "straw that broke the camels back" situation and there's nothing more too it then it sounds like you both owe the other an apology once he's back and it should just be moved on from.

I think it's more that it's usually just an extra layer of selfishness or thoughtlessness. Often in the threads the OP does the shopping, planning and everything else around food and then the 'D'H eats whatever regardless of anyone else- ie the one where he ate the breakfast stuff for their DC and didn't bother replacing it or saying he'd eaten it.

I see it said on a daily basis on this site that teens are behaving a certain way because of their hormones, that posters are acting a certain way because of the menopause etc. Happens literally constantly. Hormones do impact your mood, that’s a scientific fact.

To all the "food in the fridge is fair game" people... what????

If I found food in my fridge that had nothing to do with me, no way would I touch it. I only share a fridge with my partner, but we never needed to discuss or negotiate this, it's just basic decency, isn't it? Do other couples let themselves go to the point where there are no healthy everyday boundaries?

Back to the original point, OP knows she had an unusually emotional reaction, but her DP was still totally out of line. I'd hate not knowing that my stuff wasn't safe just because I'd put it down.

I'm territorial over food. So there would definitely be rage. I was doing an elimination diet, despite having a full fridge of things he could eat, DH ate the only two things that I could have, things that he didn't even like much. He also eats ingredients that I've meal planned for as snacks (the thoughtless snacking really does my head in.)
I bet if you'd cooked him steak, he'd be all, but I'm trying to be vegetarian, why would you feed me steak?

I was going to say exactly this!

Leftovers from a nice dinner out in the fridge are not fair game, surely everyone knows this.

I'd be fuming, he got off lightly.

@TheGirlWhoLived

“Food in the fridge is fair game”

no it’s not though. It was OP’s food not his

Total overreaction from you OP. I can see why you might be annoyed, but really? A big fallout over leftovers?

When I put leftovers from a restaurant or takeaway in the fridge it’s usually for my partner. He will help himself because he knows I’ve most likely brought it back for him. You should have had a conversation rather than a rage and then asked him nicely if he would order you/pick up another platter

I'd be raging too & im not pregnant

I don't understand all the posters on here where all food is fair game & kids who eat all the treat food, are just poor wee starving souls

Would be a bit annoying normally. BUT, you're pregnant so that's a WHOLE different scenario. He should have known better...maybe he's gone to fill his back back up with delicious takeaway to make it up to you?!

I would be absolutely furious and wearing his balls for earrings!!!

The food QUITE CLEARLY wasn't his and he could at least have had the manners to actually ASK?

It's called, 'consideration'.

Tbh with him being flexitarian I assume he likes meat but chooses not to eat it. If I was him I would think you brought left overs for me so it's a more ethical way of having steak

Wtf is a flexitarian ?

I would be pissed off too. We would ask first in our house, not assume something like that is fair game.

*Do other couples let themselves go to the point where there are no healthy everyday boundaries?

@Dangelis*

From what I read on mumsnet, yeah, apparently they do!

This! I can’t believe the CF’s on here that will help themselves to anything unless it’s labelled/they’ve been given express instructions not to eat it! The sense of entitlement is off the scale…

@CatLoaf YANBU

I'd be as pissed off and feel raging like you, OP. Especially with the hormone and everything. It's entirely understandable.

BUT, I can see his point of view (like my DH): thinking it's a lovely meal you enjoyed the night before. The leftover looks yummy and you wouldn't mind he enjoys a bit after you had it properly fresh the night before. So he took it and ate it feeling nothing wrong with it...

We have similar situations on and off for years - DH ate something that was supposed to be shared. I was often reduced to tear feeling DH didn't care about me. But in my heart, I knew it's not the case. He genuinely just gobbles up without thinking.

You know him the best. Calm down and see if you want to do the right thing. Good luck!

I'd go mad as well and I'm not even pregnant.

Why couldn't he just apologise and offer to get you a takeaway or something.

He's gone off like a bloody teenager having a strop.

Yanbu. He should have checked.

Years ago, I'd had surgery and couldn't drive for a few weeks. As I was starting to recover, my mum took me shopping and I bought some treat food from M&S, one thing being a sandwich filler I really liked. Went to make myself a sandwich the next day and...

No prizes for guessing who had polished off the lot. There was plenty of other stuff he could've had and it wasn't something he'd ever expressed a particular liking for, so I hadn't expected him to want any. If he'd checked, I'd have told him to have half and make me a sandwich while he was at it 😅

One of the reasons he's an ex! Only half joking.

Don't let his departure guilt you into apologising. Perhaps you were a bit dramatic but he is in the wrong here!

YANBU.
It was inconsiderate on his part.
Yes, general food/leftovers in the fridge would be fair game. But this isn't just the leftovers of last night's spag bol. This is very specific leftovers that you brought back from your meal out with your friends.
He absolutely shouldn't have just eaten those without thought for you. Especially in today's day and age, it takes 20 seconds to whatsapp to just have the courtesy to check. I would be fuming too.
General food/leftovers/shopping - fair game
your restaurant leftovers from a meal he wasn't at, unopened birthday gifts/chocs/biscuits that were given to you specifically - not fair game.

Is there something you’re not telling us about your reaction? Because otherwise, him leaving with a backpack is a total overreaction to you saying you’re pissed off and he can make his own dinner (although granted it’s huffy). Did you mean shit onto his pillow rather than scream into a pillow..???

Also, he is BU by eating your leftovers. Not the end of the world, but he could have at least asked or saved you half. He probably had a nibble then found he couldn’t stop.

What’s with all the ‘DH ate my leftovers’ posts, this is the third this week?

But no, YANBU.

He must have known you had plans for that food from your night out. YOUR night out, not his.

Selfish. Just see any food as fair game and eat everything he likes.