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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off that DH ate my leftovers

246 replies

CatLoaf · 24/03/2023 19:52

I had an amazing dinner last night, steak platter with friends. It came with bubble and squeak, fab chips...piles of it, and we couldn't finish it. I checked with the others if they were OK with me taking the leftovers home, and was so so looking forward to them tonight. DH (a 'flexitarian' who tries not to eat meat), just told me he ate it for lunch.

I am so so pissed off, and I KNOW I should have expressly told him not to eat it if that's what I wanted. But I'm 6 months pregnant, hormonal, and when he told me I just saw red. Totally overreacted and told him I was really pissed off with him. Then went into our bedroom and had a scream into a pillow. I know, pathetic. Then I told him he could sort his own dinner out.

Now he's taken his coat and backpack and gone out, saying he can't stay here atm. It's completely blown up and I feel horrible. Currently sitting in the dark in DD's room. I hate this

OP posts:
ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:39

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:36

If it’s not labelled. One Diet Coke looks exactly like another Diet Coke.

Show quote history

Then they’d each still have an identical diet coke…

And there weren’t two identical leftover steak platters…

cartagenagina · 24/03/2023 21:39

YANBU. Does he have form for going off in a strop? Do you know where he’s gone? It’s hardly fair on you and DC.

He should have apologise profusely and ordered you something in. You still would have been pissed off, but it probably wouldn’t have escalated like this.

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:40

ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:38

Wow. Imagine being so unbelievably arrogant that you think it’s dysfunctional for anyone to have different expectations from you. Most people don’t actually think that anything in a shared home immediately becomes available to anyone living there. If anything, I think your set up is dysfunctional. Who to you think made you Queen of Functionality?

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Most people? Do you have a receipt for this astounding and arrogant claim? That most families have his, hers, DC#1, DC#2, and so on’s food all separated out, individually labelled and untouchable?

Sarahzb · 24/03/2023 21:42

Beat his arse with electric cables. Hmm. Maybe not - but say you thought of it and the Internet was with you. Heeeee

snitzelvoncrumb · 24/03/2023 21:42

He’s gone out because he knows he is in the wrong. I would apologise for getting so upset.

Poppins2016 · 24/03/2023 21:43

Ketchupwee · 24/03/2023 20:12

You'll get everyone asking if you all need permission to eat food in the fridge (in fact I see one already) but this isn't a bit of cheese or a pack of ham, or the leftover of a shared dinner

I would absolutely expect to be asked before someone ate the leftovers I brought home from a restaurant, or the remains of a solo takeaway, or nice chocolate that had been bought as a gift and I would be really cross if they felt it was fair game just because it was in the fridge

You were probably a bit OTT but his reaction is really twattish

100% agree. I never touch leftovers that DH has brought home after going out for dinner and vice versa. I'm not even sure that we've ever discussed it, it's just an unwritten rule/household common sense.

Yes, your reaction was little OTT... but you're pregnant = mitigating circumstances.

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:44

ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:39

Then they’d each still have an identical diet coke…

And there weren’t two identical leftover steak platters…

Show quote history

You sound very unfamiliar with office fridges.

Merangutan · 24/03/2023 21:44

It wasn’t his food, it was yours. He’s selfish.

ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:45

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:40

Most people? Do you have a receipt for this astounding and arrogant claim? That most families have his, hers, DC#1, DC#2, and so on’s food all separated out, individually labelled and untouchable?

Show quote history

No, I don’t have a statistic for the ridiculous assertion you just invented that everything is separated and labelled because that’s not what was being discussed.

The 72% of people who voted YANBU on this thread are a good statistic to show most people don’t think all food in a shared fridge belongs to anyone in the household - which is actually what was being discussed before you got hysterical.

“Astounding and arrogant”? Pot, meet kettle.

Sisisimone · 24/03/2023 21:45

You would have to be an idiot to not realise that you don't eat other people's leftovers. Or just a greedy, selfish fucker

ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:45

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:44

You sound very unfamiliar with office fridges.

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Eh? I’m not.

hennaoj · 24/03/2023 21:46

He's a massive dick. He ate the the lovely leftovers that belong to a pregnant lady then stormed off in a huff. They did belong to the op, there was no way he would not have known this. Being a selfish idiot, he didn't even ask as he just wanted them for himself. My husband would never have done this because he isn't a dick. If he doesn't come home with a replacement I'd ditch him.

Bluebonnet100 · 24/03/2023 21:46

If it had just been leftovers from last night’s dinner that you as a family had, then, yes, YABU. However, it was in a takeaway, you had been out the night before with friends and it should obvious to anyone with half a brain, that you had brought it home because they were YOUR leftovers. I would be willing to bet, if he had the courtesy to ask if he could have some, you would have said okay. It’s not permission it’s courtesy and consideration.

So, OP YANBU.

Cheeping · 24/03/2023 21:48

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:44

You sound very unfamiliar with office fridges.

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This response doesn’t even make sense.

PleaseJustText · 24/03/2023 21:48

In normal circumstances I'd say YABU but when I was pregnant my DP once opened the door to me in floods of tears. I couldn't open a jar. Sounds almost reasonable for a hormonal woman except I'd been crying on the spot for well over an hour, probably two. I'm not normally a crier so it was the first time he'd ever seen me cry and it was over the most ridiculous thing. Pregnancy does something silly to women.

Lesvacances · 24/03/2023 21:48

i feel the rage for you op.
My dh is very vocal that he doesn’t like cold pizza.
I brought home half a large pizza from a restaurant intending to finish it next day and my dh had eaten it when I got home.
His reasoning was that he couldn’t be bothered to make anything else although he didn’t particularly enjoy it. This made me even more furious.

Dd’s bf doesn’t like pork pies, one day he ate her pork pie just because it was there. That caused a huge row.

Sisisimone · 24/03/2023 21:49

Hopefully OP he's gone off to buy you a new steak platter!

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:50

ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:45

No, I don’t have a statistic for the ridiculous assertion you just invented that everything is separated and labelled because that’s not what was being discussed.

The 72% of people who voted YANBU on this thread are a good statistic to show most people don’t think all food in a shared fridge belongs to anyone in the household - which is actually what was being discussed before you got hysterical.

“Astounding and arrogant”? Pot, meet kettle.

Show quote history

This was your assertion- “Most people don’t actually think that anything in a shared home immediately becomes available to anyone living there.”
And yes, I’d like a receipt for your bold claim in relation to families not flatmates.

Im not the hysterical one here, you went on a tirade and called me “unbelievably arrogant” and “who made you Queen of Functionality” - which is highly emotional language.

I only called your claim “astounding and arrogant” (not you) and no, the sample size of votes on MN is too small and biased to serve as any sort of reliable statistic to use.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 24/03/2023 21:50

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:40

Most people? Do you have a receipt for this astounding and arrogant claim? That most families have his, hers, DC#1, DC#2, and so on’s food all separated out, individually labelled and untouchable?

Show quote history

Mate I'm autistic af and even I have the cognitive ability to put "ohh that's not something I recognise or run of the mill, I'll just check with the others if it's for sharing or not".

Like, do clothes in the washing machine stop belonging to individuals? "It was in the communal washing machine so I assumed it was fair game."

That snazzy bath bomb? "Oh yeh I used it last night, because it's the FAMILY bathroom, it's for ANYONE."

Nah, didn't think so!

FuckyDoodleDoo · 24/03/2023 21:50

Any chance he's gone to the restaurant to replace the food he ate? <clutches at straws>

QueenCamilla · 24/03/2023 21:51

After all these "DH ate my food" threads there's one thing I still don't get:

What actually would be so wrong about asking first before eating something?? Particularly when it's something that person (usually a man) hasn't bought, cooked, prepared or stored?

  • Darling, can I have this thing here?
  • Yes/No/That's dog food.

What's so bad about that?
Once my DS starts raiding the fridge & cupboards he'll be required to ask.
Maybe I'm just comfortable with being abusive 🤷‍♀️

ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:51

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:50

This was your assertion- “Most people don’t actually think that anything in a shared home immediately becomes available to anyone living there.”
And yes, I’d like a receipt for your bold claim in relation to families not flatmates.

Im not the hysterical one here, you went on a tirade and called me “unbelievably arrogant” and “who made you Queen of Functionality” - which is highly emotional language.

I only called your claim “astounding and arrogant” (not you) and no, the sample size of votes on MN is too small and biased to serve as any sort of reliable statistic to use.

Show quote history

What on earth are you talking about?

L3ThirtySeven · 24/03/2023 21:52

ManipulatorPedipulator · 24/03/2023 21:45

Eh? I’m not.

Show quote history

Yes, it’s quite obvious really you have no experience with office fridges IRL. Food does accidentally get eaten by work mates that wasn’t theirs. And when it happens, you don’t have a rage and start screaming.

Cherrysoup · 24/03/2023 21:52

I’d be so, so cross. Why did he not just ask? You brought it home, therefore he should have just checked.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/03/2023 21:53

Leftovers from family / shared meal = anyone can have them

Leftovers that one member of the house brought home from a meal that no one else in the house was part of means they decided they wanted to eat it later = no one should just think 'fuck their plans, that looks nice, I'm having it now'.

There is a massive difference. One is 'oops too much food' and one is a future meal planned by one person for themself

I dont understand how anyone else thinks both are fair game - when you're in a restaurant are you ok with people just grabbing what they like from your plate?

Anyway not sure how you spoke to him so if it was shit I'd maybe apologise for that...but not the sentiment