To go on holiday with my son without partner

[carrotk1]

Hi everyone

I've got a 15 year old son and 19 year old daughter from previous relationship and a 1 year old girl in my current relationship that I've been in for 4 years.

We met in 2019 and didn't have a chance for a holiday together and since covid we've only been on breaks away in this country.

In a few months in being given a very small section of inheritance early, enough for a few holidays maybe but nothing mad.

My ex partner has taken my son on all amazing holidays like florida and lapland which although great for my son, I've always felt a bit sad not to be able to see his excitement etc.

So I thought since I would have this money that I'd take him to Japan as he's always wanted to go and is obsessed with it. The attention the past year has been very baby focused and I'd like him and I to go on this amazing holiday together.

I asked my partner this week, since I want to do this for my son, what did he want as part of this money eg would be like us to go somewhere to have some him and I time? Am amazing experience? Even pay off his credit card? Whatever he wanted to do I said I'd like to keep a section that's going to make him happy too.

He's really cross with me, he couldn't really figure out why to begin with and started guilt tripping me about being away from the baby for 7-10 days which I didn't think was fair. I have other children too who would like their mum to focus on them too.

He said he'd always liked to go to Japan so why didn't I include him? I said because this was a holiday solely about my son and I having us time and if he did come I guess I'd be ok with that but that I was coming from an angle of I'd rather my partner and I do a holiday that's just for us to focus on us. Rather than have a very 'parenty' holiday.

This wasn't good enough and he's been cross with me all night really. He's hardly speaking to me and I'm not sure what I've done wrong.

I feel like I'm allowed my time with my son but I always asked him what he would like to spend a section of the money on that I'll keep for just him and I. This wasn't good enough and I want to check if I was being unreasonable? It came from a good place of wanting dedicated time with my son and him.

This is a great question? Because for me, if he had a problem with this... it would be a problem.

And seeing your son as just another person? WTF is that about?

Progress maybe... I still think he sounds like a self centred asshole to be honest and you sound far too nice for him.

Haven’t RTFT. My DH took DD on an amazing holiday pre-pandemic and this year, he’s taking DS on an amazing holiday, which includes going to Japan. I’d also like to visit Japan one day, but I don’t begrudge them going without me. Travelling solo with one parent is completely different to travelling as a family unit, the child gets a lot of attention and that’s especially important with teenagers-for example, mine tend to confide in me far more when we spend individual time together.

I know other families who take trips with individual children and don’t consider it odd. One friend is taking her DD to Italy this summer, but her DS (14) has no interest in visiting historical sights and museums right now so he’s staying with his Dad. ----I’m glad that your DP is starting to understand this.

He apologised and admitted he needs to alter that way of thinking and remember I am actually doing something "parental" here not going on a jolly with the girls!
Jesus, He's a catch isn't he!!!!
Did he explain what is wrong with going on a jolly with the girls now and then?
He sounds a bit simple to be honest.

This.

You sound lovely and I really hope you have your holiday to Japan with your son.....and come back and post about it.

My husband is planning a similar trip with our two sons.

Put some of that money in a safe place.

Dim people can be very tedious and it sounds like he really is.

Totally with you on this, OP. A partner should enhance your life, not be somebody from whom you need to ask permission. Have an amazing time!