to not get up with the kids and let DH do it?

[Imeldamorning]

We have 4 children. 2 are still breastfed and do so a lot at night so I get a very disturbed night. Dh doesn't help at night as its easier for me to do it and tbf he can't breastfeed!

When the last baby was born 2 years ago, dh would get up with the older ones leaving me in bed with baby and he'd bring me a coffee.

This has never really stopped. He now will take all 4 downstairs at around 7am when baby wakes, set the big ones up at breakfast table and bring me a coffee at 7.30ish. I then get 20 mins to drink it in peace and get out of bed around ten to 8 and help with getting kids ready for school.

I then do school run and the rest of the child care. He works, so the majority of the kids stuff is my responsibility, I do all cooking and cleaning although he will help.a bit with housework when he can.

My friend thinks I'm being lazy and taking advantage of him. She thinks I should get up with the kids and that expecting a coffee brought to me in bed every morning is "ridiculous" .

Dh doesn't seem to mind, he's never complained, and I enjoy my coffee in the morning. Yes baby is a toddler now, but I'm still.tired and if dh is willing why the hell not?!

Am I being lazy?

No.

Your friend is ridiculous. You're doing the bulk of it. You're lazy for getting 30min to yourself and a coffee in bed, when you've had a broken night while your DH slept through ?!!!

I'd imagine your friend DH is pretty useless if she thinks that you're "lazy". She's projecting big time. Ignore her and enjoy your coffee in bed.

Not lazy at all! If it was me I would need it for my sanity and it's probably the only real bit of "me time" you get all day?

No. Bet your friend thinks you're lazy because her husband doesn't pull his weight.

Sounds like a lovely balance within your household.

Friend sounds jealous to be honest.

Your friend is jealous! You stick with that precious cup of coffee!

Of course you’re not. Your ‘friend’ is a martyr or jealous or just plain judgemental. Enjoy the coffee in bed. Bloody hell, 20 minutes and you think you might be lazy? Offer yourself a bit more self-respect, please.

What a caring husband. I have four DC too, and was given support from DH similar to you. You need that time.

Your friend is an idiot. Your husband sounds lovely!

Friend is plainly put out that you are treated well (fairly)

My DH brings me coffee in bed everyday too. He knows I'd have trouble getting up without it😂He doesn't mind. I bring him one whenever I'm up before him, which is not often. I really appreciate him doing this.

Your friend is being a bit of a bitch. Your husband recognises that this is the least he can do to take a few minutes of pressure off you, and he is doing it.

Does your friend get up at 5am to do her makeup and take out her rollers and put on her high heels so that when her husband gets up the house has been deep cleaned, a pot roast is on and the kids (home-educated, of course, because otherwise that's just taking advantage of the over-worked education system) working on their Mandarin homework?

You are breastfeeding a 2 year old a lot in the night? Why?

My dh always brings me a coffee if he is home in the morning (he usually leaves for work very early). It's one of the things he does that just shows his love. Your friend is being ridiculous!

I'm not taking questions on this subject 🙃

She is jealous, ignore her.

When dh was home he always got up with kids in morning (usually had a sneaky size on sofa once he had def themlol)

Ignore your friend. I deal with a lot of the household stuff due to OH job.

However, he is an early bird, so he will get up early, see the kids and I get to have a shower and use the toilet in peace. He makes me a coffee and that means I actually get to drink it before the daily rush starts.

It's sometimes the little things that show love not the big dramatic gestures. I really, really love having a cup of coffee ready in the morning and I really, really appreciate that my OH does this for me.

Your friend is just making herself feel better but looking down her nose at you.

I don’t think you are lazy but mornings are very hectic and stressful when you are trying to get ready for work and juggling getting kids ready, so it wouldn’t be my first choice.

I can’t imagine it would go down very well on here if DH laid in bed whilst you were rushing around sorting yourself out for work, sorting the kids out and bringing him a coffee when he was at home all day anyway.

If it works for you both then carry on but I would personally do it where he takes over in the evenings as I think that that makes more sense.

Sounds wonderful. My DH tries to sneak out without waking anyone (he starts early) but if we're awake he'll bring us all "tea" and coffees. If its been a bad night then he'll take them away so I get an extra 30mins.
It's called a partnership. I think she may be jealous.

Do you work?

I agree with your friend.

A 2 yo shouldn't be up a lot during the night and isn't a baby so that is a choice you're making

As is bf a child who is presumably older than 2 if your youngest is 2. Unless it's twins but that's not clear

So your friend is a misogynistic prick who thinks men’s lives should remain unchanged after having children? I’d turn it round on her and ask her why she is so insistent that a man shouldn’t be allowed to spend any one on one time with his kids or parent them at all? Why does she want to remove fathers rights? Does she hate men? Silly twat.

What if he WANTS and ENJOYS spending time with his kids? Is that too alien of a concept for you?

@Naunet

So is the op taking away is rights to parent his kids equally by not working?

Nope

But that wasn't the question asked.

If I was really concerned about my oh not getting enough time with his 4 kids id get a job so we could split child care equally