to not get up with the kids and let DH do it?

[Imeldamorning]

We have 4 children. 2 are still breastfed and do so a lot at night so I get a very disturbed night. Dh doesn't help at night as its easier for me to do it and tbf he can't breastfeed!

When the last baby was born 2 years ago, dh would get up with the older ones leaving me in bed with baby and he'd bring me a coffee.

This has never really stopped. He now will take all 4 downstairs at around 7am when baby wakes, set the big ones up at breakfast table and bring me a coffee at 7.30ish. I then get 20 mins to drink it in peace and get out of bed around ten to 8 and help with getting kids ready for school.

I then do school run and the rest of the child care. He works, so the majority of the kids stuff is my responsibility, I do all cooking and cleaning although he will help.a bit with housework when he can.

My friend thinks I'm being lazy and taking advantage of him. She thinks I should get up with the kids and that expecting a coffee brought to me in bed every morning is "ridiculous" .

Dh doesn't seem to mind, he's never complained, and I enjoy my coffee in the morning. Yes baby is a toddler now, but I'm still.tired and if dh is willing why the hell not?!

Am I being lazy?

@HermioneHerman

No. Not really.

I'm not annoyed others think it's perfectly OK for the op to let her oh get up whole she stays in bed knowing he has to go to work and she doesn't.

Both my DC fed a lot in the night age 2. So do / did loads of other DC I know (DC of friends etc). I don’t think this is remotely unusual.

But anyway - I think the set up sounds great. I think you often fall into patterns like this. In our case, I am the default morning person even on weekends but our unspoken “deal” is that I tend to go to bed earlier and he will usually clear up anything I haven’t managed to get round to. I am more a morning person.

@alanabennett @Katieg27 the OP asked for no comments on breastfeeding. She was merely painting a picture regarding her friend calling her lazy for 20mins break AM. Which she is not.

Who and UNICEF recommend BF to 2 years & beyond. Perfectly natural to nurse in the night, usually up to age 3, many mothers and Nurslings do it, it's just seldom talked about in western society. However this is beginning to change.

She does work though, doesn't she? She's a parent to young children.

We get it, you love the sound of your own voice and calling other people names rather than forming cohesive arguments, so I'll leave you to enjoy that.

@HermioneHerman

I havent called anyone names and have commented as much as you have.

And, no. Staying at home with a toddler is not the same as going out to work

It's biologically completely normal to be breastfeeding toddlers and preschool age children. The majority of children globally are breastfed past 2 years of age. This is how humans have evolved. Just because it isn't the norm in the UK, or most of western society, that doesn't make it wrong.

It's a choice to bf at any age, you're just choosing at what age you judge op for doing it

@Imeldamorning if you and DH are happy, ignore anyone else.

Having been both a breastfeeding mum and the person who got coffees in the morning (not at the same time) I would say that your husband is getting by far the easiest ride!!!!

Yes, allsure she's making them bf just for a coffee and 20 minutes every morning.
There more benefits for kids than just purely nutrition.

A. It's 20 minutes not 7 hours
B. She might not be going out to work but she is undertaking a level of physical and cognitive activities commensurate to a paid job. Just without the money or the breaks.

Does your friend not have anyone who will takeover so she gets a lay in? Maybe she's jealous?

@SleepingStandingUp

I'm not judging her for bf at any age.

Bf a 2 yo at night is a choice. A 2 yo should be sttn. As should the older child (presuming not twins)

If you class that as a judgement fair enough. I'm judging allowing poor sleep habits

B) I completely disagree.

It's what working parents do on their day off. Clue is in the name

Blah blah blah blah, telling people they are being defensive etc I'd certainly laughable in your case, do people ever actually listen to the crap you spout?

It's not I'd before mardy arse starts

@flutterbyebaby

You seem to be

Well to be fair you are so prolific in your gum bumping it is hard to avoid you. But you do you, you obviously need the outlet for some reason. Peace 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@flutterbyebaby /hermione

Are you ok?

I seem to have mortally offended you for some reason. Not sure why but yes. Peace to you too.

It's infinitely harder. And I say that as someone who does both.

@Ouchthisstings

Weirdly enough, so have I. I had 2 under 2.

Most parents will have.

My job was and is, harder.

But thats subjective to job, parent and child.

It's still not the same regardless of how you find it.

Your friend is ridiculous, not you. It's one little but lovely gesture that your husband chooses to do and has become routine. What on earth is wrong with that?

Tell her to keep her sticky beak out of your business and do one 😏

Also, anyone questioning why you're breastfeeding should keep their sticky beak out too! Every mum is different, you do you!

What is with all the hate that OP is breastfeeding her children?? This is normal and natural and extremely common

Have a bloody day off the snide remarks fgs

DH only stopped getting up with the kids, making them breakfast and bringing me a cup of tea when our youngest went into Y8! And now she brings us both a cup

There are some very strange responses on this thread. There are many reasons why OP breastfeeds. Maybe the children have SEN and it soothes them. Maybe they have been through some kind of trauma and breastfeeding reassures them. Maybe they just all enjoy it - doesn't mean it's not tiring for OP. But, and I've said that before, the why is really irrelevant.

I find it astounding that people can't accept/understand someone's actions when they differ from what they would do.

I didn't want to breastfeed - I would have struggled a LOT to do what OP does. But I can still accept that it works for her and her family.

Staying at home with the kids as said upthread is MUCH harder than work. I am a single parent so I do everything, and I know that being home was much more exhausting than being at work.

OP does the bulk of the housework and dealing with the kids, including at night. Her DH wrangling the kids for 20 minutes in the morning is really the bare minimum. In fact I seriously hope that he also does stuff in the evening, as otherwise that's just taking the piss.

Can't believe that some people think she shouldn't even get a 20 minute break to have a coffee.

Edit - I obviously meant to say there are many potential reasons why OP might want to breastfeed. Obviously I don't know her and I don't know her reasons (nor do I need to).

You need better friends imo