to not get up with the kids and let DH do it?

[Imeldamorning]

We have 4 children. 2 are still breastfed and do so a lot at night so I get a very disturbed night. Dh doesn't help at night as its easier for me to do it and tbf he can't breastfeed!

When the last baby was born 2 years ago, dh would get up with the older ones leaving me in bed with baby and he'd bring me a coffee.

This has never really stopped. He now will take all 4 downstairs at around 7am when baby wakes, set the big ones up at breakfast table and bring me a coffee at 7.30ish. I then get 20 mins to drink it in peace and get out of bed around ten to 8 and help with getting kids ready for school.

I then do school run and the rest of the child care. He works, so the majority of the kids stuff is my responsibility, I do all cooking and cleaning although he will help.a bit with housework when he can.

My friend thinks I'm being lazy and taking advantage of him. She thinks I should get up with the kids and that expecting a coffee brought to me in bed every morning is "ridiculous" .

Dh doesn't seem to mind, he's never complained, and I enjoy my coffee in the morning. Yes baby is a toddler now, but I'm still.tired and if dh is willing why the hell not?!

Am I being lazy?

@TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu

How is it judgey?
OP asked for peoples opinions so I gave.

Maybe you are just unfamiliar with the concept of having a different opinion.

As I said they should do whatever works for them.

But this was my sisters set up and I never understood why she would be rushing around in the morning trying to juggle getting herself ready for work and the kids sorted whilst her DH was lying in bed and could have made life a bit easier by sorting the kids out whilst she got ready for work.

I’m not judging but this would not work for me as I’d want my SAH DH to be sorting the kids out so I could sort myself out for work but if you are happy doing this then carry on.

Would breastfeeding children of this age (who presumably eat three meals a day) a lot at night not mean they are getting a real excess of calories? I think that would be my worry with that

”I’m not judging but this would not work for me as I’d want my SAH DH to be sorting the kids out so I could sort myself out for work but if you are happy doing this then carry on.”

me too. I need to have a shower, get some breakfast, do my hair and makeup, and make my lunch ready for work

I would be well unimpressed if the non working out of the home parent stayed in bed

I know two friends who breastfeed at night until about 18 months old. Both children hardly touched any food during the day presumably because they were not hungry!
when friend 1 stopped breastfeeding, her son started to eat properly and ate proper meals for the first time.

Ignore your friend. My hubby if not on morning shift at work will also do the same with our 4 tho 3 are under 2 and will quite often give breakfast,change and dress them then I get up. He doesn't get up in the night unless I need the help as I manage that bit so enjoy it while you can

Mine stopped breastfeeding at 3.5 years but I was never up feeding her night since she was about 8 months.

It’s great you are still breastfeeding OP, I agree with you wholeheartedly on this as I did the same until mine decided to stop on her own, but they shouldn’t be waking you so much at night at that age (and older, if this applies to your older child.).

18 months, not 8!

My husband does the same. Gets up with our 2 teen DS, does breakfast with them and makes me a brew, one of them brings it up to me. I get up when they go out the door on the bus run. I do most of the pick ups, cook tea etc at other end of the day.

Nothing wrong or lazy about it, it's just a routine that works for us.

I think it’s lovely that your husband still does that for you and I think your friend is jealous.
Whatever you and your husband decide between you has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.
carry on enjoying your 30 mins in peace x

Sounds like a lovely way of doing things, you seem to have found a nice balance of shared responsibility. If the guy who loves you wants to bring you a coffee in bed why would anyone see this as wrong ?
Your friend is being silly

This. As long as DH truly doesn’t mind, you have found a wonderful way of taking care of each other (him getting sleep at night; you getting a slow start in the morning).

I’m assuming friend is jealous. (Or friend has been brainwashed into believing things should be different.)

No you’re not being lazy - I think your friend is jealous that your husband is doing his bit. He’s had a decent nights sleep so is set up for the day. Your (very small) lie in and coffee is what you need to set you up for your busy day.

Your arrangement works for your family. It doesn't matter what your friend thinks.

Just as well, as I have a lot of them.

My advice, night wean the two year old and the ‘older one’ who still breastfeeds, as they’re the ones waking you ‘a lot’ in the night.

Then you can take it in turns to get lie ins.

Oh. It’s an old thread.

Why would she go out of her way in her very busy day taking care of 4 kids just to “brag” on a random message board to a bunch of strangers? She was actually asking for advice. U r so rude.

Respect, OP! Magnificent reply!

Your DH sounds very considerate and seems like you have a good balance of workload in your family.

We have a newborn (and a toddler) and my partner says he likes to do the things I don't have patience for (like rock the baby for ages) As he can't do the feeding, and he wants to feel like he is needed too! So I think it's similar in that you are meeting the childrens' needs overnight and your DH is supporting you in that.

Also you sound like a lovely responsive mum :) it's great to hear about people breastfeeding toddlers and older children as its not often spoken about. Especially tandem feeding. You definitely deserve that coffee!

Even older now, oops 😬