to not get up with the kids and let DH do it?

[Imeldamorning]

We have 4 children. 2 are still breastfed and do so a lot at night so I get a very disturbed night. Dh doesn't help at night as its easier for me to do it and tbf he can't breastfeed!

When the last baby was born 2 years ago, dh would get up with the older ones leaving me in bed with baby and he'd bring me a coffee.

This has never really stopped. He now will take all 4 downstairs at around 7am when baby wakes, set the big ones up at breakfast table and bring me a coffee at 7.30ish. I then get 20 mins to drink it in peace and get out of bed around ten to 8 and help with getting kids ready for school.

I then do school run and the rest of the child care. He works, so the majority of the kids stuff is my responsibility, I do all cooking and cleaning although he will help.a bit with housework when he can.

My friend thinks I'm being lazy and taking advantage of him. She thinks I should get up with the kids and that expecting a coffee brought to me in bed every morning is "ridiculous" .

Dh doesn't seem to mind, he's never complained, and I enjoy my coffee in the morning. Yes baby is a toddler now, but I'm still.tired and if dh is willing why the hell not?!

Am I being lazy?

The point is their set up works for them, it’s no one else’s business, but if the friend wants to stick her nose in, I’d want to know why she thinks she knows better than the children’s own father. I’d want to know why she assumes he doesn’t enjoy parenting his children and why she wants that to be restricted.

@Naunet

The op already said its because the friend thinks she's lazy.

OP isn’t concerned about him not having enough time with the kids, her friend is concerned that he has any at all, as are you apparently.

And so do you, but you haven’t said why?

@Naunet

I havent said I think she's lazy.

I've said bf a 2 yo at night is an easily rectified fix to being too tired to get up with the kids in the am.

If she stops bf and the oh still wants to get up with the kids every morning its obviously up to him but I wouldnt do it.

No chance.

Regardless of how much I wanted to see my kids

Your youngest is 2 and you are still breastfeeding two kids? Wowza

You said you agree with her friend, so what were you agreeing with if not that OP is lazy? Why should she stop breast feeding just so that he can sleep in? Would that be lazy of him, or is it different when a man stays in bed?

You come across these people in life that cannot stand other people's happiness. What your friend has said is typical of this type of person - she simply doesn't like that your husband treats you decently. Possibly because she doesn't have a partner like that, I would guess.

Ignore her, and if this type of sentiment/comment is common from her then I'd be distancing myself. These people just thrive on misery, and you'll be happier without them. Hopefully, though, this was out of character for her and if so I'd just let it slide but certainly ignore it.

Of course it is not lazy to have a husband who brings you coffee in the morning, Christ.

I think this is lovely. He's off to work so he's getting a bit of time with the kids before he leaves. The coffee in bed is a lovely gesture. He probably appreciates that you won't get another chance to have one in peace whereas he can drink a coffee in peace at work. Sounds like your friend is just jealous that you have such a lovely relationship with your DH.

I WFH. My DH leaves around 6.45 for work. I get up with him around 6.10. I make his breakfast and packed lunch and a coffee for his travel mug. I make sure he has everything he needs for the day. None of this is expected from him. I just like to do it and I get to see him out the door. It means we can have a wee 10 minutes cuddle when his alarm goes off at 6. If I didn't get up with him he'd have to get up earlier or go to work hungry. I'm sure people think I'm daft for doing this but it works for us, I'm happy to do it and DH really appreciates it.

People should mind their own buisness.

@Naunet

I agree with the friend its ridiculous.

The whole situation.

Again. I havent said she should stop bf so he can sleep in.

As he's getting up for work and the op isn't he's not sleeping in anyway.

This. You need that 20min before you get up and there isn't any stopping after that. Your friend sounds jealous.

This is the epitome of "if it ain't broke!"

As long as dh is happy what's the issue? If it ever becomes a bit much then obviously reconsider and maybe give him a lie in on a Sunday or something every now and again if he wants but otherwise what's the problem?

perhaps he actually likes "his" time with the dc every morning!

What is your friends DH like with their children? I would assume jealousy tbh!

My DH has our 2 every morning sometimes from 6 does breakfast etc I get up around 7ish or a bit later.

Mornings are daddy time in our house and both my children love it!

If this was the other way around and OP got up with 4 kids and brought her partner a cuppa ever morning...no one would even bat an eyelid. The misogyny is coming from inside the house.

It's called jealousy OP. She is jealous. Your set up sounds lovely but you will get posters agreeing because they have useless, lazy OH's themselves and can't fathom a man wanting to look after his children OR they ARE the useless, lazy OH's and don't want us womenfolk finding out that some of them actually want to be involved day to day 😁

DH and I had/have a very similar setup. Youngest now 4 but we can still frequently have very disturbed nights, and he gets up with the kids and makes me a coffee in the morning (I don't get it in bed though!)

Like your DH, mine doesn't mind. He's out of the house minimum 12h a day so nearly all weekday parenting is down to me. His 20-30 minutes in the morning is fair enough, particularly if I've been up in the night.

@HermioneHerman

If the op was getting up to go to work and her (male) oh stayed in bed while she wrangled the kids and brought him a coffee (that he fully expected)

Mn would actually lose its mind.

The screams of cocklodger and ltb would be heard in space

What’s ridiculous exactly? I just can’t get my head around women thinking there is something outrageous about this. My partner brings me tea every morning, he has for the last 12 years, it’s one of his little ways of showing me he loves me. Spending time with his own children and doing some parenting is also great, so many fathers check out, so what exactly is ridiculous here?!

Speak for yourself. If you would have that double standard, that’s on you, but don’t project it onto other women.

@Naunet

The double standards for 1

Bf a 2 yo and possibly an older child at night and then blaming that on being too tired for 2

Expecting the working parent to get up while you stay in bed for 3.

It has nothing to do with him spending time with his kids.

As I said, if that was the issue he could give up work and she could go to work.

@Naunet

It's not projecting.

It's literally what happens

Really? Even if the male OH was doing school, rest of childcare and majority of everything else in the home? Nah, they wouldn't be screaming cocklodger at all would they?

If the dad had a broken night after taking care of the kids, I don't know anyone who'd say he doesn't deserve coffee in bed and 30min of peace.

Personally if I could choose I'd pick work and unbroken nights, and I wouldn't begrudge my partner a coffee in bed. She's getting the raw end of the deal as it is.

The reason why OP is breastfeeding a 2yo is none of your business and is irrelevant, obviously it works for her and her husband.

Of course they would!

It's ok for women to just do childcare but not men.

Its laughable to suggest thats not how it would go.

@Jadviga

None of it is my business but the op invited comment by posting.

Although, tbf I'm thinking its a made up scenario so she can not so stealth brag