to not get up with the kids and let DH do it?

[Imeldamorning]

We have 4 children. 2 are still breastfed and do so a lot at night so I get a very disturbed night. Dh doesn't help at night as its easier for me to do it and tbf he can't breastfeed!

When the last baby was born 2 years ago, dh would get up with the older ones leaving me in bed with baby and he'd bring me a coffee.

This has never really stopped. He now will take all 4 downstairs at around 7am when baby wakes, set the big ones up at breakfast table and bring me a coffee at 7.30ish. I then get 20 mins to drink it in peace and get out of bed around ten to 8 and help with getting kids ready for school.

I then do school run and the rest of the child care. He works, so the majority of the kids stuff is my responsibility, I do all cooking and cleaning although he will help.a bit with housework when he can.

My friend thinks I'm being lazy and taking advantage of him. She thinks I should get up with the kids and that expecting a coffee brought to me in bed every morning is "ridiculous" .

Dh doesn't seem to mind, he's never complained, and I enjoy my coffee in the morning. Yes baby is a toddler now, but I'm still.tired and if dh is willing why the hell not?!

Am I being lazy?

I wish your friend, and people like her, would just butt out of other people’s lives.

This is something it appears your DH is happy to do, to show you you’re loved and valued. I’m sure you do many things for him for similar reasons. No of course it’s not absolutely necessary for life, but I can see how it is a small thing that makes a big difference to you.

My Dad always made my Mum a cup of tea in bed, and he is a fairly bare minimum type of husband to be honest. My Grandad did it for my grandma and I believe my brother does it for his wife (espresso as she’s Italian!). My exh was crap and wouldn’t have dreamt of it.

@Naunet

For the 3rd time I'm not trying to convince her of anything

I hardly think she gives a shit what I think.

She asked for opinions. I'm giving them. I dont expect her to listen lol.

It's very odd you think I do.

Oh please! You’ve mentioned her giving up breast feeding several times.

@Naunet

Because its relevant to my opinion of her not getting up.

How do you think I could actually convince her, or anyone for that matter, to do anything?!

A SAHD wouldn’t be breastfeeding in the night though

YANBU. 20mins peace sounds lovely 😊☕️

Great to read BF to 2y + beyond + tandem! 🧘🏼‍♀️💪🏻

Take care

Maybe also the OP’s husband is a natural lark and she isn’t

Maybe she puts them to be in the evening - and maybe gives him a hot drink when he gets in from work, who knows - whilst he’s out of energy at that time. That morning time isn’t the only part of the day that counts.

It's not lazy
It's lovely
She's probably just envious

She doesn’t need to get up, everyone is happy with things how they are, except for you and her friend!!!

@Naunet

Yup.

Are you offended by people having a different view to you?

It seems to be really bugging you.

What on earth!? I think your friend is jealous!

Get new friends

Not offended no, it just boggles my mind that anyone could think she needs to get up earlier when they’re both happy with the set up they have! I simply wanted to try and understand where you’re coming from, but I’m not going to lose sleep over it.

@Naunet

Meh

Loads of folk do stuff they're happy with that I wouldn't.

I'm sure I do stuff you wouldn't.

It's not that mind boggling!

Dp often keeps our toddler in bed whilst I go downstairs for a bit on mornings when he’s not working and I’ll either go back up if he wakes up wanting to breastfeed or dp will bring him down when they’re ready 🤷‍♀️

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Your husband sounds lovely. And as you do the rest of the childcare and get them to school o think this is the least he can do.
I also feed my nearly two year old and my husband brings me coffee and sometimes manages to have both kids while I get dressed/have shower etc.

Also it's none of your friend's business. Who calls a friend lazy for having 20 mins to drink a coffee especially when they've been up in the night and are going to spend the rest of the day managing kids.

My MIL is a bit like this. She’s spent nearly 40 years being a domestic slave (even collects the dirty plates from under my FIL’s nose when he’s finished eating - he doesn’t even pick them up off the table and hand them to her). So she thinks any woman is lazy if she has anything done for her by a man. Honestly it says more about her than you.

You’d be less tired if you stopped breastfeeding toddlers! There is no need for this, it’s for your benefit not theirs at that age!

Other people are 'odd' if they say something you don't like/agree with but the fact that we're all different is not that mind boggling? Maybe make up your mind @Botw1? It's almost like you don't actually have any kind of compelling argument at all and have to suggest others are odd to deflect...

This isn’t true at all…

That was my first thought!

Because she and her child want to? Breastfeeding to age 2 is the minimum recommendation.

OP has a "very disturbed night" because she's nursing a toddler and an older child "lots".

Good luck finding a paediatrician who recommends that...

@HermioneHerman

Still being defensive huh?

Pot kettle black comes to mind...