Dad taking a bath with young child

[Demjay]

Please help:
would you consider it normal for a dad to share a bath with his children : say 3-5 years? If you had other concerns , would this be a red flag , or is this just totally ordinary / acceptable dad behaviour?

And how is it different? If you are worried of sexual exploitation of children by biological father, what makes you think that they are at any less risk when they are with their mother?

You can get female child abusers you know? Several stories from nurseries I have seen.

Young children taking a bath with a man known for violence and stalking? I don't think so.

3-5 totally fine. Nothing particularly wrong with a bit older either but DD at 6ish found DH’s penis quite fascinating and would talk about it/try to grab it. After that DH would only battle with her if wearing swimming trunks and I believe them bathing together came to a natural end around age 8 when she no longer asked for him to (he only ever bathed with her when she asked- same with me, except for showers around age 2/3 when it was easier to have her in with me if we were alone so I could keep an eye on her. )

The rest sounds frightening though OP. I would not trust him.

Wow, yes, well in that case, yanbu, and it's just one of his many concerning behaviours!

This rarely happens in our house we don't instigate it but randomly my daughter will ask one of us to get in the bath with her and we do. Totally normal.

However in the situation you are describing with other concerns then obviously depends what the other concerns are!

Well yes with that dripfeed I would be concerned.
In response to the original query though, no.

I'm not saying it's necessarily dodgy...but it's not something that we would do in our house. I'm not really keen on nudity at home anyway... I'm not going to have a fit if our DC walks in while we're changing but it's not difficult to keep your pants on or chuck a dressing gown on. My parents were easy going about nudity and left the bathroom door open... nothing dodgy going on at all...but even as a child I felt repulsed by it. I've neve been abused by the way...I just felt like that. I'd have been grossed out if they'd got in the bath with me.

If something feels wrong then report it.
If you're right you'd never forgive yourself for not saying something.

Your dh is not known for abuse of intimate partners, stalking or physical abuse. Unlike the bloke the op is referring to. She detailed this in a later post.

So, exactly as accused, you asked and wanted to explain why you think everyone else is wrong.

In the movie My neighbour Totoro, the father shares a bath with his two young daughters.

I had sons and they never bathed with dad and only with me when very young, no particular reason it’s just the way it happened. Personally I would be very suspicious of any dad that wanted to bathe with children wether they are his or not

This figure is broadly accurate (the ONS put it at 92% for abuse suffered by children).

However there is an important assumption going unchallenged.

The strongest factor - based on the stats - associated with a man becoming a perpetrator of child sexual abuse is suffering sexual abuse as a child perpetrated by a woman (usually a mother or sister). The stigma attached to this and the assumption that women are not perpetrators of abuse is a strong contributing factor to this. That is why it is worth recognising this point, although of course it doesn’t not diminish the 92% point.

Look at this Cambridge University study if you want to see the source.

“…the highest likelihood of a male victim becoming a perpetrator was associated with being abused by a sister or mother.”

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/cycle-of-child-sexual-abuse-links-between-being-a-victim-and-becoming-a-perpetrator/A98434C25DB8619FB8F1E8654B651A88

I am not wanting to cause controversy or diminish the awful suffering inflicted by men through sexual abuse against victims of all ages, but it is important to recognise this issue to stop the cycle of child sexual abuse.

Perfectly normal

Logical to expect that boundaries might be different? Boundaries or lack of them doesn’t mean a man is sexually attracted to a child. It’s not as if a man suddenly becomes a paedophile at the mere sight of a child. He either is one or isn’t one. And if he is, he’d likely be going to extreme lengths to hide it, ie not sharing a bath. Domestic violence isn’t a precursor to being a paedophile either. The two are unrelated.

My dad never shared a bath with me (female) because he always felt it wasn't appropriate but he did with my brother. Depends on how they feel about it. I don't think I'd like it if my OH did unless he was wearing swimming shorts. Personal preference I think.

Why? If your partner had told you he was suspicious of the fact you bathed with your children of the opposite sex, how would you feel? Who are all these women having children with men who they think are secretly sexually attracted to children. That’s disturbing.

Not normal in my house but normal enough for me not to think it was an issue if someone else told me it happened in their family.

What's important is that it stops when a child wants it too. You need to look for clues not words here.

It’s totally normal unless they are a step parent or some other back story.

I am so so sorry. thank god your daughter was able to share this with you and that you chose to believe and protect her ❤️

Completely normal.

Our three year old daughter loves going in the shower with daddy. Not enough room in there for her to go in with me

I feel the same way.
For me, bathing or showering with children isn't the same as just nudity, it's about nudity and proximity, in a confined space.
It just doesn't feel OK.

Jesus Christ. You’re going to report their IP address 🙄