Dad taking a bath with young child

[Demjay]

Please help:
would you consider it normal for a dad to share a bath with his children : say 3-5 years? If you had other concerns , would this be a red flag , or is this just totally ordinary / acceptable dad behaviour?

And I say what I've said as someone who has a safeguarding background and has worked with children. Always always err on the side of caution. If you later found out they were being abused and you'd not done anything to protect them how would you feel?

Totally normal, mine would climb in whether he liked it or not! They stop of their own accord when they no longer feel comfortable. Around 7/8 they started wanting privacy though both my girls as young adults happily walk around in just underwear, couldn't care less about dp (not their dad) seeing them which surprised him at first but he's used to it now, they aren't revealing any more than the beach

Yep absolutely normal (without any other concerns going on)

Most fathers don’t sexually assault their children. It’s really disgusting that you are suspicious of fathers who share a bath/shower or sleep beside their very young child, but think it’s totally fine for a mother to do this because she has a vagina. There’ll be plenty of women who’ll tell you that their mother physically and/or emotionally abused them growing up. There are different types of abuse and unfortunately there are some parents (yes, men AND women) that abuse their children. I’m guessing you’re either a single mum or childless.

If it's OK for Mum then it's OK for Dad too in a normal parental relationship.

Not done in out house, but that’s because I had a shower with my DF when I was young and I was traumatised by what I saw 🤣🤣🤣

Safeguarding lead here.
There is always a bigger picture here and always 2 sides.
On its own it's not a concern, it sounds like loving parental care, and no different from a mother bathing with a child or sharing a bed.
I'd be interested to know where your statistics came from. It is not the case that 98% are men, it is a higher percentage than woman but if you're going to quote statistics please ensure they are accurate. Most sexual abusers are known to the child but are not related.
It sounds like you / your family member have an pre formed opinion of this dad and are trying to make the narrative fit a dramatic worst case scenario. The vast vast majority of dads are loving, caring and would do nothing to harm their child. So if statistics are your basis for opinion there's nothing to worry about.

My brother was widowed young (18 years ago), with a toddler daughter, he never had a bath with her, he'd sit in with her, talking, reading stories as she played with her toys

We re having coffee together right now as he stayed over and he still says no, because men are under the spot light like never before, hence all the "other concerns" comments.

At the time he was very careful about what nasty gossips would say.

In the 2000s a family "friend" said to me "i expect you and your mum will have have her, not normal for a man to have a little girl in the house with him and no mum" i won't tell you my reply.

Sad really.

Used to love a bath with DF because the water would get deeper when he got in!

I would speak to social services in your area who can ask better questions and may already have concerns about the family. NSPCC only take the information and pass straight to social care so cut out the middle man.

I go against the grain a bit.
I didn't know this was normal at all, for either parent to share a bath with little children.
I'm not OK with it tbh.

God I bathe in the nude with my nearly 3 year old.
I mean it's their dad so yes I'd say normal.

Normal, in normal circumstances.

Mind you, not past babies here, as there wasn't much room left for them!

And with me, until they got big enough that there wasn't room for both of us - so probably about 5 or 6 (and I was so thankful that I could finally have baths alone again, rather than sneaking off as quietly as possible, and just getting settled when a small child would appear and climb in and start splashing about)

I remember as a child sharing baths with adults, hated it

If you dont trust the man you chose to have children with to bathe with their own child you should not have had children with this person.

If you have other 'red flags' or concerns then trust your instincts and maybe reassess your relationship.

She's right you know. Using brains is always going to lead to trouble, especially if you use it to make an argument that's been made before. What you want to do, actually, is use MASSIVE SARCASM, which is always persuasive and doesn't at all make you look like a condescending arsehole.

It's really weird to wear shorts in the bath TBH.

Did everyone seem to miss the OPs response to this?!
sorry what! Then the answer to your AIBU is obvious

On its own, a father bathing with his young dc is normal.
BUT with this man's background, I would be wary. Might be ok, might not.

No problem - unless your "other concerns" are things that are setting little flags off anyway.

Desperate Dan used to.

On its own it's completely normal, DH occasionally jumps in the shower with our two year old as do I.

Not all together, the shower isn't that big.

If you have concerns, I'd speak to social services. They might already be aware of this man and the family.

Whoops!

Just seen this.

Yes - his bathing with the children is VERY concerning. This is a jamboree of red flags.

The father of my 3 year old did exactly the same. We left due to emotional abuse and after leaving she opened up to me and told me he had molested her at night.