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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DS to go to the best university?

419 replies

Oilrigger · 23/03/2023 14:36

DS now has five offers from universities: three Russell Group, one a well-regarded uni but not RG and one a newer university (former poly years ago) offering him BBC (he is predicted AAB). The courses are pretty similar at all five unis (can't go into more detail because he would be furious if he found out I was posting on MN!).

He is adamant that he wants to go to the former poly because he likes it the most. He also reasons that he will have a more enjoyable and less pressurised time there and that he is more likely to get a good class of degree (2.1 or 1st) from the ex-poly - rather than a 2.2 from a Russell Group uni that he just scrapes into. So he is going to firm the ex-poly (he won't have/need an insurance as it is his lowest offer).

AIBU to want him to firm one of the more prestigious Russell Group unis and insure the former poly? DH says I am as it is DS' decision and he's the one who will be going to uni.

OP posts:
dreamingofsun · 23/03/2023 15:56

novalia - because they have been living with people who attend them/or going out with people/or are best mates with them. So they know how much teaching time there is and are aware of how much effort the students are putting in compared to themselves. I'm not saying this is the case with every course at every place.

TearsforBeers · 23/03/2023 15:57

First thing I would ask is, you did really well in your A levels why did you pick University X to go to ?

Dreadful interview question!!

Wtf has it got to do with you? That's not relevant any job so you shouldn't be asking it.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 23/03/2023 15:58

Oilrigger · 23/03/2023 14:47

"There are rankings according to subject - it's possible that he is making the smart choice by picking the ex poly."

The ex poly is firmly in the bottom half of the subject ranking tables though so not in this case. It does score highly for graduate employability and student satisfaction though.

Ultimately the employability is what it’s all about.

ItsTimeToWine · 23/03/2023 15:58

Well you've not said what course he is doing or where so it isn't really possible to pass comment. Although what I will say is this isn't your decision, you won't be moving to this place or studying there so it's not really anything to do with you at the end of the day.

My grades were AAB I did a course that was very popular and fairly hard to get onto, I could have gone anywhere (bar oxbrigdge) with my grades back then. I selected a top 10 uni that happened to not be a red brick uni, had the time of my life and got a good degree. I then did 2 further degrees at 2 red brick unis (in reaearch). You should be more interested in the teaching score from undergrad anyway. In my case it was 100% the right decision, as a poster mentioned, big organisations now tend to do blind recruitment, so you have to leave off the name of your unis and other such information. Again it completely depends on the field he is going into though.

Clymene · 23/03/2023 15:58

OP - I'd read this thread: Is the whole ‘russel group’ thing just snobbery? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4748717-is-the-whole-russel-group-thing-just-snobbery

A lot of top flight employers (with the exception of law firms) don't care where your degree is from.

Godwindar · 23/03/2023 15:59

If it is something more vocational, with placement or industry experience - then the Post 1992 institution can often be as good a choice as Russell Group.

chickadee12 · 23/03/2023 16:00

Have you looked into the origins of the “Russell Group” Universities ? It was mainly a marketing ploy from what I understand. They’re not all they’re cracked up to be and it doesn’t mean they’re the best at UG teaching. Either way, it’s got to be his choice. It’s a massive transition and he needs to be somewhere he’ll feel confident, happy and with the focus and mindset to achieve.

I went to two now Russell Group Universities and a third that wasn’t. The third was a perfect fit for me. I came out with a first and the school award for outstanding academic achievement. It was the making of me.

Also St Andrews isn’t a Russell Group.

WildAloofRebel · 23/03/2023 16:00

If he goes where he’s happiest then he’ll have a better chance of thriving, not just academically.

johsq20 · 23/03/2023 16:00

YABU

Climbles · 23/03/2023 16:00

You can advise him what you think is best for him. I imagine you will be financially supporting him so you should have some input.
However, he seems like he’s got his head screwed on so I would leave the final decision up to him. Maybe talk to him more about why he wants to go, without trying to persuade him. Make sure he’s thought it all through.

ancientgran · 23/03/2023 16:00

I've got 4 kids, 3 went to prestigious uni's one went to an excellent poly that was rated very low in most areas. He's earning double or triple what the others are so I don't think it's harmed his career. To be fair he probably enjoyed uni less than the others so I guess it is hard to predict but uni is 3 years, hopefully his working life post uni is 40 odd years.

Stugs · 23/03/2023 16:01

Clymene · 23/03/2023 15:58

OP - I'd read this thread: Is the whole ‘russel group’ thing just snobbery? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4748717-is-the-whole-russel-group-thing-just-snobbery

A lot of top flight employers (with the exception of law firms) don't care where your degree is from.

A lot of top flight employers are on mumsnet??

I don't believe half the people on here are who they say they are so I wouldn't necessarily believe everything you read.

VestaTilley · 23/03/2023 16:02

YANBU - traditional employees will look more favourably on an RG Uni. Sorry, but it’s true.

He must not assume going to an ex poly means he doesn’t have to work hard: he does. 2.1s aren’t just given out like sweets. And a 2.2 from an ex poly really may not be worth having depending on extra curricular he does while he’s there (or not) and what job he’s aiming for.

But, I doubt at 18 he’ll listen to you, and you can’t force him. I’d sit him down and talk about what jobs he fancies, then get him to look at LinkedIn and see where the people in jobs he covets went to Uni.

Beyond that I don’t think you can force him to pick the RG. But do inform him it’s a choice that may have consequences.

GoodChat · 23/03/2023 16:02

It's his education and his future prospects. Let him choose.

VestaTilley · 23/03/2023 16:03

*employers - too tired to type today

Anonhopingforbaby · 23/03/2023 16:03

YABU, and pretty elitist on top of that.

Sleepdeprived42long · 23/03/2023 16:04

Some ‘former poly’ courses are much better rated and higher regarded by employers than some RG courses. Look at the course, not the university. And at the end of the day, he’s an adult so it should be his choice.

novalia89 · 23/03/2023 16:04

imjusthereforAIBU · 23/03/2023 15:38

Enjoying University and being enthused about your course will likely lead to him doing better, which has better employment prospects than a lower grade at a "better" university. With the exception of the top few, University rankings change all the time too. The Uni I went to is ranked substantially differently now to when I studied there.
As an interviewer for my employer (Engineering), we don't really care in our industry where your degree is from. We've had Cambridge graduates who have been wholly unsuitable for the role and ex-poly grads who have thrived. What matters more is evidence they worked hard, they learned skills and relevant knowledge and they are the right fit with the right attitude for the employer. However this is my industry and not all are the same. For example that might be completely wrong for medicine.

'As an interviewer for my employer (Engineering), we don't really care in our industry where your degree is from. We've had Cambridge graduates who have been wholly unsuitable for the role and ex-poly grads who have thrived. What matters more is evidence they worked hard, they learned skills and relevant knowledge and they are the right fit with the right attitude for the employer.'

I know someone in my master's course who did her undergrad in the poly, got into Cambridge for her master's and dropped out after a month and came back to the poly because the Cambridge course was far more theoretical than practical and badly run. This was for Architecture, which is more of a practical course in practice anyway. Cambridge isn't known as being one of the good ones for Architecture anyway. It is massively dependent on the course.

Certain employers like certain unis anyway. My previous employer liked about 5 unis and we hearly all came from those unis (lots of polys). My current employer likes a certain bunch of other ones and I asked one of the directors and he said that they tend to like the northen unis in the area. Again, a mix of polys and red bricks.

Somethingneedstochange78 · 23/03/2023 16:04

It's his choice and his decision. Someone posted on here a few months ago about regretting persuading her son to go to a top uni.

HedgehogB · 23/03/2023 16:05

I work for a FTSE 100 company with £1bn - plus turnover , we have a graduate intake every year; its a competitive programme, and some of them work for me - there is a rotation for two years . We do want a 2:1 or above but are far more concerned about how they come across as a person - resilient, self motivated, energetic - than where they studied. We’d be more concerned that mum had controlled the choice of uni. Let him choose himself , he needs to start running his own life. I went to a RG university but can say with confidence that it is less important than a lot of schools would have you believe.

talknomore · 23/03/2023 16:05

My advice, as a mother of 2 graduates, would be to choose uni which offers a year industry if amongst those 5 there's course like that. You didn't say what subject he is going to study though...

Clymene · 23/03/2023 16:06

VestaTilley · 23/03/2023 16:02

YANBU - traditional employees will look more favourably on an RG Uni. Sorry, but it’s true.

He must not assume going to an ex poly means he doesn’t have to work hard: he does. 2.1s aren’t just given out like sweets. And a 2.2 from an ex poly really may not be worth having depending on extra curricular he does while he’s there (or not) and what job he’s aiming for.

But, I doubt at 18 he’ll listen to you, and you can’t force him. I’d sit him down and talk about what jobs he fancies, then get him to look at LinkedIn and see where the people in jobs he covets went to Uni.

Beyond that I don’t think you can force him to pick the RG. But do inform him it’s a choice that may have consequences.

Why do people constantly keep repeating this on MN? It's not true.

PastaLaVistaBabee · 23/03/2023 16:07

I went to a former poly. I chose it over Durham. Not sure my mum was overly keen, but it was the best decision! I loved my university days. Best years of my life!! I picked the uni based simply on gut feeling and location - it was a beautiful campus near mountains! And I got a good 'feel' about it!! It all worked out well!

Let him do what he wants :)

Yankeedoodlemandy · 23/03/2023 16:07

If you are on Facebook join ‘ what I wish about university ‘
loads of good info and first hand experience .

HedgehogB · 23/03/2023 16:07

Stugs · 23/03/2023 16:01

A lot of top flight employers are on mumsnet??

I don't believe half the people on here are who they say they are so I wouldn't necessarily believe everything you read.

Show quote history

Yes they are on here, but laugh at some of the shenanigans ….