DH thinks friend who has live in nanny is a 'joke'

[princemarry]

I have a close friend who's recently had her second baby and hired a live in nanny/ au pair.

She found having just one child incredibly challenging and decided that this was the right thing for her family.

I think it's great and I'm happy for her.

My DH called her a joke.

I think that says a lot about him. Nothing good.

I think he thinks motherhood is completely killing you self for your family and he didn't feel my friend is doing that, so he thinks she's a joke.

Obviously it's not his place or anyone's to judge, but he did.

What does everyone else think ?

I presume he never pays anyone to do jobs he could/should do himself. For example i he never pays anyone to decorate his house, wash his car, look after his children, cook his meals, do his gardening etc etc.

Personally I think you should give your husband some grace. Explain more clearly why she has sought the help to help him understand. A lot of factors might go into this comment including his own upbringing.

Its misogyny.
Does he also think fathers should sacrifice everything... health, sanity etc to their children?

We have no idea what led to this decision. She may have health issues or PND. My friend had severe SPD and needed a lot of physio to be able to do normal things like lifting the baby and pushing the pram.

Other people have a lot of family support.

How often does he have the two kids on his own? How much respect does he have for you? How much does he help with his share of childcare and household tasks? If not much is the answer, then he’s a massive prick.

Why is this imbecile so very interested and angry at your friend for doing something that is nothing to do with him?

So he doesn’t do much and he think motherhood should be suffering. Let him try it for a weekend. I think he wants to a) make sure you know whats expected of you so don’t get any ideas b) he really doesn’t like women. It’s like those men who opine on how women should give birth whilst never being at risk of actually having to give birth.

He sounds like a total knob, but you know that. I'd say its because he's a bloke but unfortunately there are plenty of replies on this thread that are equally as knobbish, and presumably from women.

Jeez just read all your updates. He sounds like a prick. Leave him. And look forward to some child free time whilst he ‘gets on with it’ 😂

Horses for courses. Its not for him or anyone else to judge what your friend does.

I'd be more concerned with getting rid of your mysogonistic (sp!) pig of a husband. Imagine what he is teaching your kids about how they should treat you?

Quite.

OP should divorce and get a nanny instead.

Every time I read this sort of thing from a woman it makes me so sad.

Please don’t waste your life on this man OP. He’ll be nasty to you, push too far and apologise when you tell him. Then it’ll happen again and again. It’s not a mistake he’s making that needs apologising for, this is who he is. He doesn’t respect women including you. It’s no way to live.

If everyone who felt their first baby was challenging stopped having anymore children there would be a lot more only children around. Surely most people find the first few months with their first child challenging, it is a shock to the system.

Maybe she got PND the first time round, maybe she has a useless husband like you do.

When I had DS, it was a huge shock to the system. I had PND. No family nearby. Got through it because DH was a great dad and husband. Not sure how I would have coped with no support.

Not sure why you had DC with such a misogynistic twat @princemarry

Well done her! It takes a village to raise a child, so having a nanny really helps.

Your DHs opinion is just that. Antiquated, out of touch and dismissive as it is it's not worth focussing on unless you also get this nastiness shown to you. If you do then he and his sensless opinions are a problem.

Good luck OP.

I'm a nanny and am finding some of these comments (and assumptions) amusing. As for the former nanny on here? I think you just worked for awful people, I've never worked for parents who don't parent, and I'm able to pick up in interviews how parents interact with their kids and feel about parenting; I wouldn't work for people who weren't into their kids as it would make my job much harder.

If you can afford it, having a nanny can facilitate you being a better parent, if you struggle with certain aspects or have PND.

If parents have a few less things to do, like clean all the bottles, cook for other children, help with the baby while mum gets rest, handles laundry and keeps the living space clean, they have the extra time to put into their parenting 🙂

I think that was a shocking comment from your husband.

If your friend has the funds to do this and she is struggling, then that's a great solution.

I would be concerned that your partner thinks a woman should just struggle because a man who knows nothing about childbirth and who will never be expected to the majority of childcare says so...

@Nimbostratus100

''It is delegating motherhood to someone else. I have been a live in nanny myself, and always was well aware I was just rich people's way of not bothering with their own children. I don't really understand the attitude we have of children are such a struggle and a hardship - they are wonderful and amazing, and if you have them you are very very lucky.''

So you chose to get a job as a live-in nanny which I assume gave you a roof over your head and money and now you complain that people are hiring live-in nannies? OK...not the brightest tool in the shed as they say.

Yeah. I hope that PP isn't a nanny anymore! It's a horrible attitude to have towards people who's children you're caring for.

Everyone I know who could afford one got a live in nanny. They don’t work 24-7 like some on here seem to think. They work a normal 40 hour week. So it’s no different to putting older child in nursery but in fact better as you get to spend more time with them. I don’t know anyone who has kept older child off childcare while on mat leave. A newborn is hard enough without a toddler on top!

has your husband done six months of full-time childcare of a baby and toddler? No? Then his opinion means absolutely nothing. He’s a nasty misogynist.

I was so slow typing. Ok, not jealous, then it's worse. Horrible misogynistic twat. You say you've got money, that's lucky, ltb.

No. In MNland things are black and white. And if you didn’t thoroughly enjoy every nansecond of something it’s completely illogical to do it again 😂

He just thinks it's wrong and mothers ' moan too much ' and ' what did they expect ? ' even though he doesn't do a great deal himself. The usual. He has no idea.

When I'm Empress, men like your DH will be taken for compulsory re-education.
After having a watermelon inserted where the sun don't shine, they will expel it over 36 gruelling hours of pain & effort. 12 hours later, they will be presented with a newborn, & sent home to wrangle a toddler, solo, while ensuring that all the newborn's needs are met.

Their wives will remain working, & on coming home each night, will ask what's for dinner, why is the place such a mess, & can't DH pull himself together, stop moaning about his torn arse, & provide sex.

An Au Pair and Nanny are very different levels of ‘help’ though.

👏👏👏👏👏

I think you need to book yourself two nights in a nice hotel and leave him to it for a weekend. He clearly has no idea and needs educating. I'd totally hire a nanny if I had the money.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 thank you for the first laugh of the day 🌞

When you have a challenging time at work, do you give up & decide to never work again?