I'm in court tomorrow. Feel like I'm living a nightmare.

[FamilyCourtNightmare]

This is very outing but I really need advice. I've been in family court for over 4 years now. I left my ex when my child was 4 months old. Now 4 years. Lovely little boy, thriving, happy, etc etc. His dad abused both of us, and was found in a finding of fact to have perpetrated coercive control, harassment, Intimidation, rough handling of our son (stupid way of minimising the word 'assault'), racial abuse against both of us (me and my son are both mixed race).

Initially I suggested that he go on a domestic abuse perpetrator programme, but the cafcass section 7 said he wasn't suitable as he was in denial of the facts found against him. It was only after this point, after two years of court hearings and denials that he suddenly changed his tune and 'saw a sea of change' and was referred onto the course. I disagreed with this as it was clearly not genuine and he was just out of options. I'd like to mention that I had to get 3 non molestation orders against him, one after it was recommended he attend the DAPP.

Now cafcass have changed their section 7 as he has passed the DAPP with flying colours. I requested the DAPP report and it is littered with lies and fabrications. I've pointed this out and am able to prove some. He also stayed in his statement and in the DAPP risk assessment that I have depression and suicidal tendencies, which I have already provided a letter to say this isn't the case.

Despite all of this, cafcass are recommending contact go ahead. I have contested this in my statement (which I must say is well written and balanced) and am awaiting a hearing tomorrow to see if contact should go ahead.

I can't cope with this. I feel like my abuser is about to be back in our lives and I'm living a nightmare. He is still a very angry person and his daughter from a previous relationship doesn't want to see him anymore because he is 'so angry all the time'. I am not allowed to evidence this in court as it has come from his family members who are not willing to testify. They are honest people and estranged from him.

How do I move forwards? He hasn't seen our son in 4 years. I'm so scared.

Supervised does not last forever. He was found to have physically abused our son in court when he was an infant and this was the last time he saw him. I would maybe understand what you were saying if the courts were saying there was no abuse, but we're talking here about a man who is capable of physically harming a baby who is less than 6 months old, proven in court. This is why I do not want him to have contact. I know that I would find it incredibly traumatic to find out as an adult that my father had physically abused me as a child. He is dangerous and people, men and women who harm their babies, I'm my opinion should not have contact.

The irony is that if you hadn’t left him then you would have been judged accordingly by social services. You did all the right (very hard) things and this is still happening. I’m so sorry.

Exactly. It's bonkers topsy turvy world we live in. Op would have had her child taken away by social services if she stayed with this man. But cafcass and their "dad's rights" agenda mean dad gets contact despite the evidence of racial abuse and violence.

Op ignore the nonsense posters on this thread, I can only assume they are either stupendously naive or are abusers themselves. Noone sensible thinks dad's rights to contact should take priority over a child's right to a life free from abuse.

OP, my word.

I'm so sorry you're having to listen to this offensive crap. Just try and look past it.

Either men, or people related to someone they really want to believe is not abusive.

It’s like people who question rape allegations, yes false ones occur but are vanishingly rare. This rhetoric that it’s stacked on women’s favour is so wrong and and so misplaced on a thread like this. They should start their own.

And - what’s worse - no contact with a father who has proven to be abusive (within that same legal system) and a child too young to consent to contact - or abuse continuing?

I absolutely despise the system.
I'm furious to read the court outcome here, I really and truly feel for you OP.

How on earth is an abusive man just allowed to waltz back in when he sees fit. Yeah he's not technically waltzed in as it's supervised but WHY. Why is it ok for a dad to treat a child like this and for the courts to just say, "let's try again". I hate it. I HATE the system!!!

Let's just hope for both of you that he looses interest. He'll never be a standout dad, he'll always be a looser and there's no way that he'll step up to the post.

It took 9 years for my kids father to finally have parental responsibility removed. The judge heard the hiss at 8&9 years old.

It's a long game. Document everything. All the time. Try and find a counselor / trusted professional that your DC can talk to. Mine was the GP. She used hâve them 30 mins each and they'd tell her things that they couldn't tell me. And she'd tell me how far I needed to push it with the lawyer and police.

Keep building up proof.

Hiss = kids.

This is appalling. What on earth can a man like that add to a child’s life? And that’s what should matter here, the child. So sorry to hear this OP.

Someone saying they are a victim doesn't make them a liar. You are very naive.

She IS putting the welfare of the child first. The court are putting a barrier in place to their safety and protection.

Your comment is disgusting.

Everything favours men first. Its truely horrific.

First thing to do is to contact the CAFCASS person you like and ask how you can get the supervision extended.
Advise SS that you fear emotional abuse and ensure supervisors are requested to provide full reports. This will hopefully ensure your DS’s immediate safety.
I know from experience how hard it is trying to persuade a reluctant young child to go to contact when you are unable ( for the DC’s sake) to transit your own fears.

@FamilyCourtNightmare so
hope
you and your son are ok?