I'm in court tomorrow. Feel like I'm living a nightmare.

[FamilyCourtNightmare]

This is very outing but I really need advice. I've been in family court for over 4 years now. I left my ex when my child was 4 months old. Now 4 years. Lovely little boy, thriving, happy, etc etc. His dad abused both of us, and was found in a finding of fact to have perpetrated coercive control, harassment, Intimidation, rough handling of our son (stupid way of minimising the word 'assault'), racial abuse against both of us (me and my son are both mixed race).

Initially I suggested that he go on a domestic abuse perpetrator programme, but the cafcass section 7 said he wasn't suitable as he was in denial of the facts found against him. It was only after this point, after two years of court hearings and denials that he suddenly changed his tune and 'saw a sea of change' and was referred onto the course. I disagreed with this as it was clearly not genuine and he was just out of options. I'd like to mention that I had to get 3 non molestation orders against him, one after it was recommended he attend the DAPP.

Now cafcass have changed their section 7 as he has passed the DAPP with flying colours. I requested the DAPP report and it is littered with lies and fabrications. I've pointed this out and am able to prove some. He also stayed in his statement and in the DAPP risk assessment that I have depression and suicidal tendencies, which I have already provided a letter to say this isn't the case.

Despite all of this, cafcass are recommending contact go ahead. I have contested this in my statement (which I must say is well written and balanced) and am awaiting a hearing tomorrow to see if contact should go ahead.

I can't cope with this. I feel like my abuser is about to be back in our lives and I'm living a nightmare. He is still a very angry person and his daughter from a previous relationship doesn't want to see him anymore because he is 'so angry all the time'. I am not allowed to evidence this in court as it has come from his family members who are not willing to testify. They are honest people and estranged from him.

How do I move forwards? He hasn't seen our son in 4 years. I'm so scared.

I used the parenting app. He pretended to be the third party as there is no way to know. When i raised concerns that itvwas him i was arreseted for malicious communication

Thank you so much for this. Would it even be worth complaining?

Hi, see what happens tomorrow, state your case for why you don't want direct contact. As I say I'm not a social worker but the reasons sound valid to me.

If you are not happy with the outcome and what's in the report then yes, complain. Do you feel the FCA didn't properly listen to your concerns? Is the recommendation in the report for contact or is it just stating what you've said and the DAPP report?

The complaints process won't be able to overturn a court's decision but you'll highlight an FCA who isn't doing things as well as they should and if it's upheld it's more evidence for you down the line.

As I said earlier I've never admitted where I work before. I'm not a social worker I don't want to give you bad advice I just wanted you to know we don't use DAPP anymore and honestly there's a huge emphasis on DA in the organisation so if you alert them to a DA issue you should be listened too. All the best for tomorrow.

Going through the family courts myself. Its a god awful process. My abusive ex partner has also abused our son, but seeing as he has a 'good' relationship with our daughter he's due to be allowed contact with her again soon. Meanwhile my son sits on the sidelines waiting for this fuckwit to grow up!

No real advice, just stay calm, balanced and breate. You can do this! Big hugs x

Wishing you all the very best in court today @FamilyCourtNightmare . I hope and pray it all goes your way. We'll all be thinking of you, whilst crossing everything for a positive outcome. xx

Thinking of you this morning. DJ is a good start. There’s more focus on DV than there used to be.

Good luck today OP, I hope against hope it goes your way.

Have you read the op! I have no words!!

Good luck op. 💐💐💐💐

Highlight any inaccuracies in the report. I brought my Cafcass guardian to his knees in court. He admitted his lies. Judge threw him out. If you have evidence even better.
Take a couple of paracetamol pre court op. Keep your temp down and feel less stressed... Absolutely rooting for you.

Thanks everyone. I'm not too hopefully if I'm honest. Think it's going to be damage limitation from hereon.

The woke are here!

In answer to your naive suggestion @Member869894, sure in utopia, but what OP describes is a dangerous situation with an angry controlling man who has mishandled his child when he was a baby.

Would you put your own child in that situation knowing there isn't a safe way to do it?!

Best of luck today

I read that more as the response of an abuser than an naive person @Dibbydoos . But I suppose it could be someone stupendously naive

Eat of luck today OP

Thinking of you today @FamilyCourtNightmare . Hold strong, and know there are lots of us holding you in our thoughts.

Good luck. Glad you have a McKenzie friend supporting you. You and your son deserve a peaceful life without this man abusing you both.

OP - when you feel ready to, come back and update us! You have a lot of support xx

I am going through similar to you now with the family court x

All the best today. Hope sanity prevails.

Sending strength today OP.

Sending strength and resilience to you OP.

He's got contact through ICFA in a contact centre to then build up. Can't really speak right now.

sending you hugs OP

He has to turn up every time. And he his facade every time.
Is he capable of all that op? Keep any messages he sends in the meanwhile op.

I feel like picking him up from nursery, scooping him up in my arms and running away. The judge was very kind and said she believed everything I was saying and even thanked me for the way I conducted myself. Said there are very few women who can do what I'm doing. I was grateful for that. I'm just in shock to be honest.