Daughter accused of instigating a serious incident. Is she really wrong?

[wasshereallywrong]

I have name changed for this to not link to previous threads as this is outing and I have told people in real life.

I am going to preface this be saying my DD 13 is a gobby little sod so I know she can be annoying and hasn't got the best school record but she has no time for injustice which has led to conflict for her in the past but to todays incident...

My DD has several black friends (we come from a very white area). She was told today that one lad was going around using the N word. This isn't the first time and so she took it upon herself to confront him and tell him it isn't right and it is racist. Like I say she is gobby so I imagine she was heated when she said it. He pushed her away and told her to leave him alone, everyone gathered around and she said she wasn't going to fight and went to move away, he pushed her again and ran off. Two of her friends then caught up with the lad and several punches were thrown. I am not saying the fight was acceptable. It was 2 on 1 and he was hurt and fighting is never ok.

My DD has now been given a day of internal exclusion because she initiated a serious incident. Did she though or did she call out unacceptable racism? Was it not the lad who was using the n word the person who instigated it? I have said that she has to accept that she was wrong to get involved in something that wasn't to do with her but was she wrong? If people don't call out racist behaviour how is it stopped? I am going to be speaking to the head teacher tomorrow as I missed his call today but AIBU to be proud of her for taking a stand against racist behaviour and to be arguing with the punishment for starting this when if he hadn't made the comments it wouldn't have been necessary to 'talk' to him about it. And is the school wrong for punishing someone for calling out this behaviour?

Imagine coming on to a thread and calling a child that you don't know a racist based on nothing but hearsay.

Not sure that I have actually called anyone racist anywhere on this thread @FrippEnos, so not massively relevant to me

As you pointed out, it's the internet. I'm not overly concerned by your hurty feels.
If I were gathering a mob to beat you up you'd have a point. I'm sure you can cope with people saying they think your position is a bit hypocritical and thick. If you can't, probably don't come on the internet. Here be monsters.

‘Tells tales’ Christ are you 14? Reports racism to the school authorities would be more accurate. Fgs she isn’t a fence grassing up armed robbers. You need to think about why you are so anti any kind of authority. You aren’t a good role model. Stay away from vulnerable teenagers.

I'd much rather my daughter punch a racist than go telling the teacher like an absolute wet wipe

I agree.

I do actually think there is a significant corner of MN that hates boys and thinks that if girls do something wrong there’s a justification for it

No it was a confrontational Gobby Sod who hopefully has learnt if you gob off at leisure then that can have awful consequences.

What an edgelord.

And that is why teachers, Police and others have so much trouble trying to prevent violence and society as a whole suffers.

Sounds like bullying to me tbh.

Take out the 'accusation' of racism which has no proof and you have one person aggressively confronting another. You have stated your daughter was never in any danger as she can easily handle herself against this boy. When she gets little reaction from her victim other than to push her away from him she then sets her pack on her (So she was mob handed in the first place, classic bully tactics).

Thats based on facts. Anything about this boy saying something racist is based on hearsay. Your daughter needs to be taken to account and shown how to deal with racism and any other issue in life properly.

As you where happy to call out posters calling a girl they didn't know a "gobshite", it seems fair to point out that you haven't said that same about those calling a boy they don't know racist.

Why, because it's better for people to just sort things out themselves? Pathetic

All of the people saying "I'd rather my child punch a racist than be a tell tale"...
Do NOT bring up your daughters to punch boys, self defence yes but even a girl who's good at boxing is going to get themselves hurt in that scenario. maybe not at 13 but any older than that its going to end several ways:

1. Boy feels he has permission to hit her back and, if he is unpleasant, uses that to really hurt her
2. Boy doesn't hit back because she's a girl. Which isn't fair on him because he can't defend himself
3. Boy doesn't hit her back but fights her boyfriend/male friends later or some variation

I don't think your daughter deserved to be suspended, and whilst she probably didn't handle it exactly right it sounds like she didn't do anything terribly wrong especially given her age and the fact she's figuring things out still.

Enjoy visiting your child in prison when they’re an adult.

If rather have someone be a ‘wet wipe’ (WTF) and tell a teacher about racism than have a thug child.

it's society vs mob rule - you prefer mob rule, fair enough, I prefer society and the rule of law.

What are you laughing at? 🙄. A thug is exactly what you've described. Own it, at least.

@hotdiggetydog its the internet I can say what I want so long as it isn't abusive/threatening. Not much "daring" about it.

It really isn’t, especially when people who whinge about grassing have about 4 brain cells.

I have AS you. You REALLY get angry about people ‘grassing’ don’t you / even when it’s an Airbnb being damaged.

So what did someone tell on you for - was it benefit fraud? What did you do to make you hate ‘wet wipe’ ‘grasses’?

Yep - telling your child that violence is better than involving the people who are literally paid to sort these issues out is raising a particularly stupid thug.

Two different things. Racist is a label applied to a person who exhibits racist behaviour. People haven't plucked the term out of the air to insult a strange child, they are using it in context to describe someone we are told has a history of racism.
Gobshite is a term with no clear meaning other than to generally suggest stupidity; and its use serves no purpose here other than to insult the OPs daughter.
The OP described her daughter as 'gobby' which has an entirely different meaning.

Lol.

Can I suggest meditation to deal with your anger issues?

Id really heed the warning before you really are doing prison visits.

This reminds me of that recent story about the woman who was verbally confrontational towards the cyclist cycling on the footpath. She thought that the cyclist was wrong to be on the footpath and took it upon herself to tell her so. The cyclist ended up dead under the wheels of a car.

She believed she was in the right to address the cyclist's behaviour. It wasn't her fault the cyclist died.

The law disagreed, however. Gobby lady got sent to prison for manslaughter.

People defended her behaviour too. Said she wasn't responsible for what happened to the cyclist. She didn't intend for them to get hurt. Some even said it was the cyclist's fault, and they deserved what they got because they were wrong to be on the footpath etc.

Someone people just can't see beyond their hatred of cyclists.

Why?

And where do you draw the line? Can anyone punch anybody they disagree with? Or is it just what YOU disagree with? How arrogant - are you God?

I say this as a mother of mixed race children. I really wish you wouldn’t make out the likes of my children need white saviour thugs in this world to eradicate racism.