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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking me to make her lunch and give her medicine

203 replies

Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:23

How would you feel about this?

I tutor/homeschool for a girl, a few hours per day, a few days per week. I arrive, set up our work, we work together at the table for the three hours, I give her the homework, pack away and go. The parents work, but come and go, sometimes they’re in the room, other times at work or out shopping, exercising etc.
Today, the mum said she’d be out and would only arrive half an hour after she left…she asked me to make the girls lunch..soup and rice (soup heated up on the stove and rice needed to be made) before I left. She then asked me to give her some medicines she has at a set time.

I don’t mind doing the girls lunch etc or medicine, but I’m not sure how to feel about this? Would you say this is part of the job, would you mind doing it/being asked to do it?

OP posts:
Arniesleftleg · 23/03/2023 17:57

Hell no. If she's going to pay you the going hourly rate for a nanny role then that's different (she won't), otherwise its a p!ss take.

celticprincess · 23/03/2023 18:01

So in school a teacher is not allowed to administer eye drops. Even at an sen school you’d have to be fully meds trained and signed off by a nurse in order to do that. This would be the same for any medications. I would not be agreeing. I find it traumatic trying to administer eye drops to my own children. It’s worse than getting them to take medicine.

As for the food. Again you’re not in a position to do this. You don’t have your hygiene certificate to show you can safely prepare food. You can supervise her eating something that’s been left at a push.

As a tutor what kind of insurance do you have?? You would definitely need to check what it covers as o net even public liability for tutoring wouldn’t cover preparing and giving food or administering medication.

If the parent is coming in half an hour later then the child won’t starve waiting and it wouldn’t really effect their medication routine.

Cersai · 23/03/2023 18:03

Gosh! I would never ask my son’s tutor to do this. Simply not her job and liabilities aside it is so so very disrespectful! You are not her nanny or housekeeper ! Next time just say “No” and you can give the plethora of reasons the other posters have mentioned.

celticprincess · 23/03/2023 18:06

HarrietSchulenberg · 22/03/2023 23:49

I think just being alone in the house with the child puts you in a very exposed position, let alone being asked to cook and administer medicine. I would strongly advise that you review your contract and make clear that your services are for tutoring only, and that you request a parent to be in the house for the duration of your visit.
Start considering how you would defend yourself if the child made an allegation against you, or if they became ill after eating food you'd prepared, or after you administered their medication.
This is far beyond tutoring and you are currently very vulnerable.

I’m not sure there’s a huge issue in being at the home as the only adult. This is what happens when children are taken to the house of the tutor. They’d drop the child and come back or wait in the car. Also don’t some child minders only have one child in some situations??

11 isn’t a massive issue to be home alone. Secondary 11 year old might be more confident than a y6 12 year old. My eldest was home alone in a morning for an hour and after school for up to 2.5 hours once she started secondary school as there’s no wrap around. As an august birthday she was only just 11. My youngest is y6 and hasn’t been left home alone yet for more than 20 minutes and she wasn’t keen. She needs to practice for September though. She’s also a summer born. The child alone generally depends on the child and additional needs and how they can manage.

MMUmum · 23/03/2023 18:09

My daughter's maths tutor insisted on a parent being present in the house and she was 15

Bekstar · 23/03/2023 18:15

Regardless of eye drops or not. It's still a registered.medicine and even paracetamol can be iffy. Hence why schools have to have signed consent forms and trained staff to handle medicine's. I'd check with your insurance but I would safely say that if this has not already been discussed as part of your job description you are not covered. I say this because a neighbour who sued to teached piano lessons to kids ended up in a predicament due to this very issue. She'd rung a parent due to the child complaining of a headache. They'd asked her to give her over the counter pain killers. The child had a reaction and it.tuened out the piano teacher wasn't insured and the parents started legal dispute. Even though they confirmed they'd aske sher to do it because she hadn't said she didn't have the insurance it was found in their favour in court.
You need to be covered to give any child in your care medication at all. Food again it would depend on whether you had food safety certificates and were fully aware of any allergies etc. It's a very tricky situation and one best to avoid altogether rather than getting yourself into a situation. Imagine if a sibling or friend had pulled a prank and replaced those eye drops with super glue and you administered it how would you feel. She could also react to anything you give her. If her parents are happy to allow her to make snacks herself then that's fine but unless you have the correct treatment I wouldn't risk it.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 23/03/2023 18:33

It’s not a biggie - so long as you’re getting paid. Boil rice and rye drops? I can’t see the issue here. And if you didn’t want to do it, just say so.

nuttynet · 23/03/2023 18:38

I think they're being cheeky fuckers

The parent needs to be back in time to sort their child lunch and eye drops themself

I wouldn't dream of asking a tutor. It's not your job

MadKittenWoman · 23/03/2023 18:47

Tutor here. Absolutely do not feed her or give her medicine! That’s outrageous!

MannyTeddy · 23/03/2023 18:53

What if she had a reaction to the medication? Was the wrong one? God forbid something went wrong, just say no.

niugboo · 23/03/2023 19:09

Are you insured?

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 23/03/2023 19:24

Toomuchtrouble4me · 23/03/2023 18:33

It’s not a biggie - so long as you’re getting paid. Boil rice and rye drops? I can’t see the issue here. And if you didn’t want to do it, just say so.

You may not see the issue, but statutory regulators will, as explained by several PP.

What job do you do?
Say you are a draughtswoman in an office. If your line manager brought you their child & told you to administer eyedrops & cook her lunch, would you feel this was bizarre & unreasonable? Of course you would. No different from a home tutor, or a plumber, or an electrician, being asked to become a registered, insured childminder on a whim. It's not their bloody job.

saffy2 · 23/03/2023 19:26

Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 20:36

@TicTac80 I understand, but in a nannying/childcare role, these tasks are often undertaken…I think she’s swaying into that side somehow?

But those tasks are undertaken after training. I am a childminder, I do paediatric first aid every 3 years and I have been inspected by food standards agency and I have done good hygiene certificate every few years too.
you can’t just prepare and serve food (ESPECIALLY rice!!!!) and administer medication without adequate training. She may be erring into a nanny role for you, but unless you are fully insured and trained to act like a nanny for her you can’t do it.
im really shocked by your blasé-ness about this. Especially given you say you’re trained in childcare….you absolutely should know that no medication should be administered without proper training and recording!!! You have opened yourself up to any kind of allegations here and you have no proof that you did or didn’t give those eye drops, you’re not trained to do so, you’re not insured in case of medical emergency.
dont do this again op!!! It is really really not worth it!
also at 11 she could do all of those things herself. Secondary school don’t administer medication so my son has had to administer his own eye drops for hayfever since being 11 years old.

menopausalbloat · 23/03/2023 19:28

No way. Tell her you're not insured for that!

Saschka · 23/03/2023 19:33

She’ll be asking you to run round with the hoover and give the toilet a quick clean next. The PP who said she sees you as the hired help was spot on.

Curlyfluff · 23/03/2023 19:37

Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 22:38

@JennyDarlingRIP It’s quite common where we are with small
pasta in or noodles, but she’s from another country altogether and they add rice

Are you in Italy then 😁
But honestly, it's just not appropriate, and you've had loads of responses saying so.
You seem to be rebutting most of them!

Bugbabe1970 · 23/03/2023 19:50

If you're happy to do then do it ....if you're not then dont! Simples!

Lovely13 · 23/03/2023 20:01

Don't do it! Next time it will be oh can you take the dog out for a wee, bring in the washing cos it looks like rain later.

Sennelier1 · 23/03/2023 20:24

I have done some serious First Aid training and we are néver allowed to administer eyedrops! Even if you do everything right, if the person has a complaint afterwards your insurence will never cover you! So never-ever touch another person's eye!

Wintersgirl · 23/03/2023 21:11

So what are you going to do if it happens again OP? Judging by your responses I think you'll do anything the Mother asks. At the end of the day it's your call but you really shouldn't be doing this stuff, it's not your job plus you're not covered if the worst was to happen.

YearsOfStagnation · 23/03/2023 21:13

I have not read the full thread but I think you would be crazy to agree to do this.

Ginburee · 23/03/2023 21:40

No, even though it is eye drops it is dispensing medicine and I don't think your insurance would cover it.

With the food can you guarantee there are no allergens and first aid trained?
We have a tutor and I wouldn't ask this at all.

Dou8hnuts · 23/03/2023 22:14

Even caters are not allowed to “administer” medication, they can prompt a patient to take medication but under no circumstances are they allowed to give it to them unless there’s specific paperwork in place and it’s hard to get hold of this paperwork, I know because I had an uncle who had carers and when my aunt asked why he went taking his meds they said we can only prompt him to take his medication we cannot make him take it or administer it ourselves.

Bayleaf25 · 23/03/2023 22:27

Agree with everyone else, you need to set some ground rules.

Parents have to be in the house during tutoring.
You are not employed to prepare food or give any medication.

The scenario you have described is very strange but ultimately you need to assert your position.

Harls1969 · 23/03/2023 22:36

Schools and other settings have strict policies about the safe administration of medications for good reason. It may only be eye drops but what if something went wrong? Surely they can wait until the mother returns?

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