Asking me to make her lunch and give her medicine

[Excitedforeaster]

How would you feel about this?

I tutor/homeschool for a girl, a few hours per day, a few days per week. I arrive, set up our work, we work together at the table for the three hours, I give her the homework, pack away and go. The parents work, but come and go, sometimes they’re in the room, other times at work or out shopping, exercising etc.
Today, the mum said she’d be out and would only arrive half an hour after she left…she asked me to make the girls lunch..soup and rice (soup heated up on the stove and rice needed to be made) before I left. She then asked me to give her some medicines she has at a set time.

I don’t mind doing the girls lunch etc or medicine, but I’m not sure how to feel about this? Would you say this is part of the job, would you mind doing it/being asked to do it?

@Justmeandthedog1 Employed directly by them

On a different note, there must be quite a difference in salary between tutor and childcare. If you are charging a decent rate, the parents shouldn't want to waste your time with cooking or administering medicine. But I guess 3 hours is a long time for concentrated tutoring. Is it more like a study supervisor? That could swing things towards childcare.

No way.
The child can have a cold lunch and the eye drops can wait.
Otherwise before you know it you’ll be applying sun cream and washing the dishes.

@Cantrushart No, not a study supervisor. Her ex H pays for lessons though, so I’m not sure if it may be different if it was her money…😬He pays well

But they are a huge risk. I'm sure you can give them perfectly well, but what if she is allergic to them, or they have been tampered with, or not properly prescribed? You would be liable if there were problems

As for lunch the Mum can leave a sandwich or soup in a flask

But another adult there would be best. What happens if its time for you to leave and there's no one else to look after the child?

@starfishmummy That’s what does happen a lot, she’s often on her own, is that ok for an 11 year old would you say?

I think just being alone in the house with the child puts you in a very exposed position, let alone being asked to cook and administer medicine. I would strongly advise that you review your contract and make clear that your services are for tutoring only, and that you request a parent to be in the house for the duration of your visit.
Start considering how you would defend yourself if the child made an allegation against you, or if they became ill after eating food you'd prepared, or after you administered their medication.
This is far beyond tutoring and you are currently very vulnerable.

I wouldn't want to leave an 11 yo unless there was someone responsible there as well.

@HarrietSchulenberg But what’s the difference between that and watching kids/being in the house with them babysitting etc?

@starfishmummy Is 11 too young to leave a child completely alone at home, I have a little one so I’m not sure really at what age I’d leave them alone whilst I was out?

I think the mum’s request was odd and inappropriate. A few posters including @HarrietSchulenberg pointed out possible problems around this situation.
As a very cautious person I would take comments on board and txt mum that I wouldn’t be happy to do what she’s asked. However it might mean losing the tutoring job. I didn’t feel from your comments that you’re a very cautious person and you mentioned that it’s s well paid job so you might decide to do what you’ve asked.
Also my judgment was based on UK rules but your local rules might be very different.

@excitedforeaster a babysitter wouldn't be giving medication. Hell, most schools won't do it.
Try ringing a professional tutoring agency and asking to book a tutor who will cook your child lunch and administer eyedrops. You won't find one.
If you want to offer these services, get insurance to cover you. If something goes wrong, you're potentially looking at a court case and an eyewatering settlement. You are being very naive if you continue with this.

Your her tutor but the mother asked you to COOK rice for her kid. Omg. You think that's ok?? You shouldn't be making her any lunch at all, as you are there to just tutor unless it's in your job description

Excitedforeaster

Would it be weird to message and let her know that I have childcare qualifications also and that if she ever needs me for extra hours (emphasis on this!) for nannying/babysitting duties to let me know? (I’m happy to do this work if I have time)
Would this make a distinctive line between the tutoring work and the childcare?

No No No don't do this. Currently she sees you as the tutor whose agreed to prepare lunch and do the eye drops once. If you tell her about your childcare qualifications she'll be asking you to do all sorts. The Mum is already blurring the boundaries - don't give her more ammunition

A couple more thoughts -
are you insured / a member of a recognised professional body - coz if you're not and your working solo - you need much better boundaries. Insurance and or professional body will have rules and guidelines for acceptable practise.

do you have a contract ?- if not again the professional body will probably have sample ones for you to adapt & use.

Are you in contact with other home tutors - ask around, join a group, get their take on your situation.

Oh and yes - 11 is too young for you to walk out of the house and leave her on her own. If her parents walk out - that's on them. Again insurance and a professional body will have polices on this type of thing. You need to make it clear that one or other of the parents need to be present during your session, and that if they leave before the end - you expect the session to stop, the child to accompany the parents and you will leave. Charging them for the full session as they are the ones who prematurely ended the session.

You are laying yourself open to all sorts - even if the culture where you are working is what would be considered lax in comparison to the UK. If the worst happened and the child was injured I bet you'd be in the dock.

No you shouldn't be doing food or meds. nor should you be left alone with the child. They are treating you like a nanny. When I worked as a childcare provider I had to have dbs , first aid, safeguarding, food hygiene, professional indemnity insurance and a child development qualification. Any medicine parents had to sign a document giving me permission to administer meds. If she had a allergic reaction or injury in your care you could be held accountable. You need firmer boundaries in place as to your role.

I'd just do it this once. It will take less energy than this thread has consumed.

If she asks again, or even if you are worried she'll ask again, just speak to her about it when the child is out of earshot

Your role isn't to give medication or make food*. If they are happy to pay you while their child eats already prepared food and you twiddle your thumbs then that's up to them.

*as well as opening up yourself to the risk of the child having adverse reactions

I see the fact that exH pays for tutoring in mother's home relevant here -in that case I'd be more strict to make sure there is good distinction between teaching and domestic help.
It sounds to me more like a kind of homeschooling?

Do you have a chance to ask in your area (I understand if you don't want to share the exact country here)? There are differences between countries, UK has very different laws and habits around this than continental Europe and the UK experience might be misleading to the extent you won't be able to hold a job if you follow UK habits.

In my country, 11 yo is completely ok to be left alone, it is parent's decision whether they want to be in the house while tutoring, and if the parent instructed me as a tutor to just leave the child at home at set time, it would be ok to do it (and ridiculous to be difficult about it). The only reason to request parent's presence in this age would be if the child had behavioural issues.
Similarly, some of the concerns about eye drops expressed here seem pretty absurd - parent is the responsible one from my point of view, if there was an allergy, bad prescription or parent gave you bad drops, it is their fault.

In case of long term cooperation, I'd say that rare ad-hoc help of this kind is rather ok, but in the case of non-residential parent ordering&paying, I would be careful to not slide into something different.

I also don’t understand why she couldn’t have put the eye drops in a little later or left a sandwich/snacks out in the fridge.

Because she has zero respect for the fact that she has engaged a professional tutor, & reckons you are the hired help.

I would have said no, because that is not the service I have been hired to provide. And pushback, I'd have sacked her.

Why do you need to ask, when you are also a qualified childcare professional?

There’s one thing teaching a child something but feeding and giving medicine is more of a caring role!

Carers aren't even allowed to administer eye drops without a prescription or insurance. Don't do it!

You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.Never be alone in the house with a child, always keep the door open
You need to address this overstep with the parents head on and say no other jobs except tutoring
Don't concern yourself with what's excepted in the country you're in, it's irrelevant to your personal position

Absolutely no way! You're there as a tutor, not as a nanny/babysitter.
It'll be lunch and eye drops one day and running the vacuum cleaner around next!
She can administer the eye drops when she comes in and she can leave a sandwich or whatever in the fridge.
Set your boundaries now!

3 hours with a personal tutor is loads. How much one to one time do most UK school kids get. A matter of seconds to minutes per day.

I home educate and for an 11 year old that should be plenty esp if she's doing stuff after or before the tutor arrives.

Personally as long as I was being paid and it was a one off or discussed without child being present in future it shouldn't be a huge issue if the drops were prescribed etc