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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking me to make her lunch and give her medicine

203 replies

Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:23

How would you feel about this?

I tutor/homeschool for a girl, a few hours per day, a few days per week. I arrive, set up our work, we work together at the table for the three hours, I give her the homework, pack away and go. The parents work, but come and go, sometimes they’re in the room, other times at work or out shopping, exercising etc.
Today, the mum said she’d be out and would only arrive half an hour after she left…she asked me to make the girls lunch..soup and rice (soup heated up on the stove and rice needed to be made) before I left. She then asked me to give her some medicines she has at a set time.

I don’t mind doing the girls lunch etc or medicine, but I’m not sure how to feel about this? Would you say this is part of the job, would you mind doing it/being asked to do it?

OP posts:
Verylongtime · 22/03/2023 19:34

No, this isn’t acceptable.

WeAreAllLionesses · 22/03/2023 19:34

Well you are probably being paid more as a tutor than if you were a nanny - depends if you're happy to do it if asked again.

But I wouldn't do the medicine bit - any medication - either.

alexdgr8 · 22/03/2023 19:36

the parent is being a cheeky plucker.
do not accept these demands.
she could leave a sandwich or salad for child in fridge, or child can make a sandwich, or even wait all of 30 mins and eat with parent.
ditto for drops.
stand your ground.
tutoring not caring/nannying.

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/03/2023 19:36

Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:30

The girl is 11, I’m sure she can make snacks etc but possibly not cook the rice 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well in that case her mum could cook the rice before she goes out or the girl could have something else... And yes there is definitely the potential for something to go wrong with anything in life really. You need 3rd party liability insurance for any job but if employed your employer provides it (mandated by law). If self employed you would need it yourself, I guess for very low risk things people may not bother?

TheChoiceIsYours · 22/03/2023 19:36

Surely as a professional tutor you shouldn’t have to ask this question?! It’s a bit concerning that you don’t have clear professional boundaries and the confidence to enforce them. Even being at home with the child and no other adult seems wildly inappropriate - you’re a de facto babysitter.

Original poster
Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:37

@Eyerollcentral Do you think it was rude?
I also don’t understand why she couldn’t have put the eye drops in a little later or left a sandwich/snacks out in the fridge. She also didn’t sort of say ‘I’m really sorry about this, would you mind at all..’ It was almost asked/said to do it..hard to explain. In the moment of it happening, I was just so surprised and a bit taken aback, I just said ‘Of course’
It isn’t a hard thing to do and I feel quite comfortable in the house, so I don’t mind as such..I do mind having the piss taken out of me though 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
twoshedsjackson · 22/03/2023 19:37

I would be concerned about being left on my own without a parent present; it may sound extreme, but you lay yourself open to malicious allegations. Check with the tutoring agency about what is covered by their insurance.
Administering eyedrops involves physical contact, and again I would feel dubious about this.
This may sound OTT, but I wouldn't take the risk.

NorthStarRising · 22/03/2023 19:37

So, you are a home tutor who struggles with boundaries and being professional. Or remembering tnat your focus should be on tutoring and obtaining the specific outcome expected, whether that is grades or enabling the child to receive schooling in general.
No, I wouldn’t be doing either. The mother could leave a packed lunch for her daughter and put in the eye drops when she returns. They aren’t a time- sensitive medication.
But you? You need to be clear about your role.

SofaSpuds · 22/03/2023 19:38

If the medication is "only" eye drops, why can't it wait until the mother is home for her to do it?

You're paid to tutor, not to cook meals or administer medicines. Do you have insurance to home school third parties? I'd bet there's a clause re medicines. What if you accidentally jolted your elbow and damaged her eye? (The only thing I can think of as I doubt you can overdose on eye drops??)

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2023 19:38

You need much better boundaries.

"I'm sorry I'm not comfortable stepping so far out of my role". And done. Advanced level boundaries, you can drop the "I'm sorry".

Zippetydooda · 22/03/2023 19:39

I think it was kind of you to do as a one off but i’d be wary mum’s testing the water and your boundaries and might start to expect it.

Yes eyedrops is medication.
No you're not an au pair or a nanny and the mum needs to make arrangement if she cant be there in time.

You could say you have another pupil to go to or just tell her straight you don't feel comfortable doing this. Did you charge for the time?( if you did it )

NorthStarRising · 22/03/2023 19:39

You aren’t in the UK?
So are you being viewed as a skilled professional by the parent, or a multi-tasking servant?

GoodChat · 22/03/2023 19:40

You shouldn't be making her lunch, and certainly shouldn't be giving her eye drops.

Eyerollcentral · 22/03/2023 19:41

Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:37

@Eyerollcentral Do you think it was rude?
I also don’t understand why she couldn’t have put the eye drops in a little later or left a sandwich/snacks out in the fridge. She also didn’t sort of say ‘I’m really sorry about this, would you mind at all..’ It was almost asked/said to do it..hard to explain. In the moment of it happening, I was just so surprised and a bit taken aback, I just said ‘Of course’
It isn’t a hard thing to do and I feel quite comfortable in the house, so I don’t mind as such..I do mind having the piss taken out of me though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah it’s rude. She is treating you like you are her hired help. You need to be clear and say sorry I can only provide tutoring. She is pushing her luck.

Original poster
Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:43

@Zippetydooda It was within the time I was tutoring, she didn’t ask me to stay longer and I couldn’t/wouldn’t anyway, but if I could, I would charge for my extra time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:47

I am qualified in childcare also and have nannied in the past and do babysitting occasionally (it pays well where I am and is an easy job to do to fit around my young dc)
However, she hired me for my teaching/tutoring and nothing was discussed about these extra parts of my job.
I think I was just so surprised and it was in front of her child, so I didn’t want to say no and make things awkward and for her to feel uncomfortable.

If it is a one off, it’s fine, but I’m not sure and I was just surprised how it was these two things that I’ve never been asked before.

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 22/03/2023 19:48

I home educate my 11 year old. I would never ask a tutor to perform other tasks, other than education. Your insurance may not cover this, and you should refuse on that basis. The parent is trying to make you tutor and au-pair. It is for you to draw up the boundaries as she will have you washing and ironing in no time!

mumda · 22/03/2023 19:50

You need to put your foot down with a firm hand.
Explain that your role does not cover and you will finish tutoring if you're asked again. Or state your own terms for the change in work.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2023 19:52

If it is a one off, it’s fine, but I’m not sure and I was just surprised how it was these two things that I’ve never been asked before.

Then you need to set expectations BEFORE the next time.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/03/2023 19:54

You are not a chef, nanny nor nurse so no I wouldn't do it and I'd be quite frank with the parents that it was an unreasonable request.

gamerchick · 22/03/2023 19:54

Tell her if you're requiring babysitting duties as extra then that's a different rate of pay and you'll invoice her accordingly. Don't let people take the piss OP.

ReadersD1gest · 22/03/2023 19:55

Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:30

The girl is 11, I’m sure she can make snacks etc but possibly not cook the rice 🤷🏻‍♀️

So why can't the Mum leave her a sandwich or something? Why does she have to have rice? Rice and soup sounds very peculiar.

Clymene · 22/03/2023 19:56

I would email her and say that you did it on this occasion as she asked in front of her daughter and you wanted to avoid awkwardness but that you will not do it again. And for her not to embarrass anyone by asking.

Original poster
Excitedforeaster · 22/03/2023 19:58

@ReadersD1gest It’s the girls favourite and is a dish from another country, I’ve never had it, tbf, it looked delicious!
When she said heat up, I assumed she meant to just whack in the microwave or something, but to make the rice 😬I mean, the pan of rice to make was left on the cooker top and the soup just needed warming, so it wasn’t a huge task, I just felt weird when driving home afterwards and when I told Dh, he was saying how cheeky it was.

OP posts:
Schoolchoicesucks · 22/03/2023 19:59

Patchworksack · 22/03/2023 19:30

If the child is old enough to be left home alone surely she can make her own lunch and U.K. can help with eye drops when she returns? It doesn’t sound like a reasonable thing to ask a tutor.

This.

If she can be left alone, she can make a sandwich or heat something up.
Administering your own eye drops can be tricky - I wouldn't do that as a tutor - something for a parent, medical professional or carer - or at least with some training.

It seems to be stretching the role between tutor and childcare. Is that how you see the role or are you there to support academically?