Asking me to make her lunch and give her medicine

[Excitedforeaster]

How would you feel about this?

I tutor/homeschool for a girl, a few hours per day, a few days per week. I arrive, set up our work, we work together at the table for the three hours, I give her the homework, pack away and go. The parents work, but come and go, sometimes they’re in the room, other times at work or out shopping, exercising etc.
Today, the mum said she’d be out and would only arrive half an hour after she left…she asked me to make the girls lunch..soup and rice (soup heated up on the stove and rice needed to be made) before I left. She then asked me to give her some medicines she has at a set time.

I don’t mind doing the girls lunch etc or medicine, but I’m not sure how to feel about this? Would you say this is part of the job, would you mind doing it/being asked to do it?

Bloody hell OP. You are making excuses and arguments to do it, so do it. Don’t be surprised if she starts asking you to do more though. More fool you.

NRTFT but are you the one who moaned the mum didn't offer you a drink? You sound unhappy there. I'd suggest you leave.

I think you'll leave yourself wide open for the Mother to really take advantage even further, she'll be asking you to put the bins out or mow the front lawn next, slight exaggeration I know but you get the drift!

My child has a tutor funded by the la. A parent has to be home or they cannot attend. Also cannot do online learning if parents aren’t in the house either because of safeguarding. I think you are overstepping your role.

I wouldn’t be happy with this, and I’ve done both nannying and a bit of tutoring. I would no more expect a tutor to perform personal care than I would ask my child’s year 7 English teacher to brush and plait their hair for them in the morning. It sounds like they’re using you for childcare without actually asking you.

I have definitely experienced the ‘job creep’ though and I do understand how awkward it feels in the moment. Like the parent you’re nannying for leaves a weekend’s load of dishes for you on Monday and you do them, so then they’re there the next day and could you just hang this wash up since I didn’t have time then you do the laundry everyday and before you know it they’ve got themselves a nanny-cleaner with no rise to your wage. That’s why now I’m super strict to the point of being a bit pernickity, because I find once you give an inch people do take a mile.

Are you the same tutor who was complaining the other week about not being offered so much as a glass of water despite being there for a few hours? This thread has similar vibes.

Carer jobs cover a wide variety of bases some of which needs training - eg working with dementia etc. If you needed food prep the agency finds carers qualified to do so.

Food prep covers basic hygiene of how long to cook certain meats for, not to reheat certain meats etc in case of food poisoning. You can’t just assume that every carer knows this - as you don’t need much in the way of qualifications for care work.

If the agency provided a carer with no food training and my dad got salmonella from undercooked chicken they would be liable.

Your there to teach her. The carers at the school my son was at had to be medication trained. To give meds to the children. If they hadn't had the medication training they weren't allowed to give any meds. Same where he is now in adult supported housing.

My daughter's school weren't even allowed to give her rescue meds. They had the medication there. But they had to ring an ambulance for them to administer. The whole point of the rescue meds is to avoid ringing an ambulance.

Sorry didn’t RTFT but I just wanted to add that schools are really funny about giving children prescribed medications and sometimes make the parents come in to give it to them even when it’s something simple.

my little brother has asthma when he was younger and was prescribed a pump which he was to take when he felt he needed it. Initially the school said that was fine as there was proof it was his meds, his name and directions to take it, he was even old enough to do his own pump but then suddenly my mum was told the school are not allowed to administer his pumps (can’t remember why now) and that she would have to come to the school meaning leave work to give it to him should he start to struggle to breath which my mum argued was crazy as she worked a while away and it could be too long for him to wait! It took a long time for it to actually get approved and by the time it did he started to not want to give it to himself and much rather not be able to breath just incase his classmates thought different of him!

they wouldn’t even give paracetamol just incase it turns out the child is allergic or has some kind of reaction. It might be simple eye drops but should something go wrong like too many drops are given or anything and something happens, your the one being held responsible for it especially without getting approval from your boss/manager to provide these eye drops as it could put you in some deep trouble especially if the woman went against her word and suddenly lied on you saying you randomly gave her daughter eye drops that wasn’t needed or asked for or something malicious (not saying that would happen but just how liability would fall in your hands).

I had a private tutor at this girls age as I was home schooled. My tutor would come at her set time, we would go to my grandmas house, do work and she would go. As much as if she was asked to heat me up some food before leaving, the tutor would have no issue… again it is not your place as a tutor. As you said she is 11 and fully capable of doing snacks and such herself. At 11 I could use the stove and oven myself so she could heat her own soup up and I’m not sure why rice wouldn’t have been pre cooked for her to heat up also🧐.

I baby sat siblings of age 7 and 10 and it was my job to bring them home from school, food was always already cooked and I just had to make sure the kids served themselves up food and heated it up, clean up after themselves, make sure they had done homework before getting in the bath before bed. My only responsibility was to make sure they “didn’t set the house alight” and was not left unattended.. I was sometimes even allowed to have a serving of the food as I wasn’t always able to get paid properly and I would be there until like nearly midnight sometimes!

your a tutor and as much as your lovely and willing to do it, you have to make sure you cover your back first, get the appropriate approval from your boss or company you work for before okaying anything like this.. I mean I think it’s wrong it was suddenly put on you on the same day without prior warning but I would have had to tell them I needed to call my company/boss for approval before agreeing unfortunately.. after all you don’t want this to be the start of them taking advantage of your kindness now.

Set your boundaries now. You are a tutor. Not a servant. Before you know it she'll have you cleaning the toilets.

Say no. Not your job, you’re not a Nanny. Definitely have nothing to do with giving medicines. Parents shouldn’t be leaving you two unsupervised either.

Are you worried about losing your job if you don't oblige? Seems to me they're being rather casual about it all and probably taking advantage of you. You're there to teach not cook and nurse. Establish clear professional boundaries and don't be a pushover. Regardless of the local culture you are setting yourself up for more domestic work and potential risks.

This mum is probably going to ask again now because you set no boundaries. She's cheeky af.

I think go with your gut instinct. If you know and like this family, and you’d be comfortable knocking back any requests that go beyond what you’re happy to do, then leave matters as they are for now.

However, you do sound uncomfortable about the medication so maybe that’s where you draw the line. Just be honest and say I don’t want to administer medication, I should have told you at the time but I didn’t have time to think it through. If they ask why, just repeat just don’t feel comfortable with it, don’t engage in a line of questioning that is ultimately done to persuade you otherwise.

Good luck!

Absolutely not, that is the role of a carer which you are not. There needs to be two adults present to administer meds.

UK experience seems very formal and not directly applicable elsewhere.

My case is Central Europe. I don't see any reason why you couldn't agree on it with the parent here if you were ok with it. In the same time, you don't have to agree to do it.

We don't have so specifically defined types of interactions. When I was tutoring, sometimes the mother went to pick up the other child while I was there and very occasionally asky me to check on something else.

Potential damage to home would be covered by home insurance (covers even domestic help here). Potential health harm - sounds very improbable, it would be very uncomfortable to deal with it, but unless intentional, not much to claim.

In the UK...

Not going to repeat what lots of others have said.
Just wanted to comment on soup and rice, my friend/former housemate eats soup and rice and she's the only person I've ever met who does!!

WTAF! My DD14 has tuition at home and we HAVE to be there! We get drinks for the tutors and they simply teach. We're not allowed to leave them alone in our house.

@JennyDarlingRIP It’s quite common where we are with small
pasta in or noodles, but she’s from another country altogether and they add rice

Are you employed directly by the parent? If you are this smacks of “servant” mentality on her part — she’s paying so you do what she wants. You might end up with the ironing next week.
If you work through an agency check with them as anything outside tutoring is probably not acceptable.
In either case I’d check my insurance. It’s always a good excuse “ I’m sorry, I can’t do that, my insurance won’t cover it”

Absolutely not even if it is eye drops and heated up soup. You are a tutor not a nanny or babysitter. And, she’s going to be back in 30 minutes! The child can have her lunch and eye drops 30 minutes late. No big deal. The mother is trying you out to see how many of her jobs she can put on you to do for free while she goes out and shops or whatever.

And yet eye drops are sold over the counter for anyone to buy and administer themselves. It's extreme in my view that a student nurse wouldn't be allowed to do the same!

Yes, but no-one's going to sue themselves for damaging their own eyes, are they? It's their choice and they do so at their own risk.

Whereas student nurses, as with all nurses, will need to be covered for their actions by professional/public liability insurers, who will obviously have rules to follow on what they will/won't pay out on. If their rule is that no students will be covered to do x, then the hospital obviously won't let students do x. Not because x is a particularly dangerous or complicated procedure, but because hospitals can't risk interacting with a patient without insurance in place.

@JennyDarlingRIP its pretty common in Far Eastern cuisine.. I didn’t think twice as I went and bought some instant Korean or Chinese seaweed soup with rice pots to make at home (I’m pregnant and it’s recommended a lot for before and after birth) and it was actually alright I would buy them again and try others now I know what to expect.