Who is being unreasonable ?

[Grouchymardybum25]

I have a step DC who is young primary school aged, he lives full time with us and has 3, 2 hour supervised contacts a month and one supervised over night a month.
he had fallen in a puddle one contact when on over night stay so they had bought him some clothes now sometimes he turns up in them from over night contact and we just rotate clothes so they go on his pile etc
we dress him and send change of clothes in any of the clothes we have. She has made contacted demanding the clothes she has bought be returned to her as his only allowed them during contact ? I can’t get my head around this ? Like I can’t understand why he needed 2 scooters because she bought one for his birthday but only allowed to play with it there, so then we had to buy him one for Christmas. We bought him a bike and he uses it at both.
AIBU to think it’s pathetic ?

I have bought him the T-shirt to replace it as he really likes it and wears it regularly.

It seems that way, Mum buys a scooter, op has to buy a scooter.
Mum buys some clothes, Op needs to buy identical clothes.
Why cant Mum and your dss have anything special just for them?

He was bought a second scooter because it’s a scooter he rides it to school with our other kids, and we couldn’t share one.
should he only be able to ride a scooter 2 hours a week because his mum bought him one so we couldn’t ??

If the kid is there most the time maybe he's asked if he can have a scooter? It's not a particularly unique gift is it.

Wow! She isn’t even allowed to have anything unique for him? 😳 I am going to have to repeat myself, you are massively missing an empathy chip.

Yes, well said. Whatever the reason, her child does not live with her. She is wanting some small measure of control via these clothes - just let her have this. You have him the vast majority of the time - this surely does not matter to you but it matters hugely to her. Just wash them if he wears them when he comes home and make sure he wears them when he goes to hers or takes them.

I think people are misreading your post. I get it OP, I had similar in the past and it's really irksome. YANBU but there are better hills to die on.

OP isn't saying they won't return the clothes or DC can't wear them. But in the end I very much just chose my battles and did as previous posters have suggested.

I will say this though, sending a child in clothes for them to be changed immediately into new clothes for that parent has never sat right with me. I honestly think it's confusing and sends strange messages.

Didn't read everyone's replies so
May be saying the same as some others. You sound like an amazing step mum, well more like his mum, something has happened that his mum only has supervised contact. I would send his clothes back with him that she buys. It's very annoying you have to do this but it will keep the piece for the time being. Maybe she thinks it's the one bit of
His life she has a slight bit of control over.

YANBU to think it’s pathetic. It’s pathetic. Let them be pathetic and give her the clothes.

we don’t have a toy kitchen but they do etc 🤣
the scooter is because it’s a scooter and he loves riding one with his step siblings.
the T-shirt is a certain character

I won’t be buying the jogging bottoms etc

Presumably he wants to wear his t-shirt but OP is now in the position of saying no that's just for mummy's house. It's weird.

All the more reason to send it back there then so it stays there.

Yes its not good at all for the child.

Maybe he's upset because he wants to be able to wear it more regularly

Omg

Not sure if it was a dad who rarely saw his child with supervised contact that posters would be telling OP to have more empathy and understanding. She’s a deadbeat. Give her the clothes back, it’s not worth stooping to her level, but some of these replies are ridiculous.

She very much matters to me, we did not go after full custody. It was out of our hands as much as hers ( although her fault ) I have never been mean to her. She can’t collect him so I drop him off as she isn’t allowed to know where him and DP live. Maybe I am in the wrong and maybe we should Separate the parenting in the house.

Why couldn't he have had a bike?

That is so flippant.

Because DC siblings are scooting to school. OP must deal with the faff of a small child on a bike whilst other children are on scooters to appease the other parent? Why should DC not have a scooter too?

I'm sorry but posts like these (luckily for a lot of children) never do well on MN because the high and mighty think they have it all worked out.

How is bagging the clothes up and handing them over making work? Shes making herself more work by giving this any headspace. its really quite simple.

Because she's having to facilitate changing him at the end of every session to return the clothes.

I don't think it's an issue for her to want him to wear the clothes she's bought when he's with her but it's not ok to make him change at the start and end of contact sessions - he's not a doll.

The toys at her place thing is tricky. My dad did this and it made me feel they weren't mine at all.

@LondonPretty so you think a child should be told that would buy him a scooter because his mum had already bought him one despite that he couldn’t use it most of the time ?