I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

It depend on:

1. How old they are.
2. If you have ever allowed them to go and grab snacks at will and are now outraged at them eating everything.
3. How they were brought up.

If they have grown up knowing they can't simply go and take a snack when they want, but must ask permission, then YANBU.

However, if they have grown up having free reign to go and grab a snack when they like, then YABU, pay back the money, and set down new ground rules for them.

Kids are not mind readers. They don't pay attention to price tags. They pay attention to what is in front of them!

Yes I agree with this. I can't agree with all the comments saying they've done nothing wrong because it's not stealing in their own home. Yes, that might be too harsh a term, but that doesn't mean absolutely everything in the home is always fair game for the children to take at any time without asking.

I’m not voting on this one as I can see both sides. If you are working to a tight budget and one shop a month then I can see your point, but kids go through growth spurts and my skinny son used to sometimes pack away unbelievable amounts of food. I’ve not read all the posts, but ignore the mean ones. Your kids are loved and you tried tough love and feel guilty for it. There’s no right or wrong here so don’t beat yourself up.

Or maybe your mum had to restrict your food because you were greedy and so you would have ended up fat either way, but just a bit later in life thanks to her. Btw Frubes ARE sweet treats. 🤦🏽‍♀️

What a harsh and (deliberately?) hurtful thing to say, @PinkSyCo!

Why is it? Why does everyone blame their obesity on their parents. I’m overweight and it’s because I can be greedy and eat too much of the wrong things, but it’s not my mum’s fault for not providing me with an endless supply of sugary yogurts, chocolate and haribo!

Because it makes such an unpleasant assumption about @Fromwetome - it could just as easily be that her mother was very controlling with food, and she was actually under feeding @Fromwetome.

Can you honestly say that you don’t think what you said had the power to cause a LOT of hurt, @PinkSyCo? And do you think the best way to get your point across is by being as cutting as possible?

I think it’s all to easy, not to mention unhelpful, for us to sit back and blame our parents for absolutely everything and sometimes people need to be told that, otherwise they will never help themselves. As for me being cutting, have you read all the comments to OP accusing her of starving her children?!!!

Two (or more) wrongs don’t make a right. But if you think hurting someone is justified, sobeit.

I take it you’re not going to have a go at all those who are accusing OP of abusing her children then? Interesting.

Well, yours was the only comment that actually shocked me, so….

Is it because I used the F word? 😱

No, it was because you called her greedy. And because you didn’t seem to have stopped to think maybe she was being neglected, as a child.

In my opinion YABVU. They’re kids. If this is the first time it’s happened I’d be trying to find out why, not take their money. If it was a regular thing I’d be not buying treats/hiding them and monitoring them. It feels like you’re treating your kids like criminals. If they’d stolen from a shop I’d understand making them pay back what they stole but it’s their home- I’d be talking to them before I started taking their money.

@piqueen if it was food they was stealing, say sausage rolls or cocktail sausages or something they don't need to cook but was to hand, fruit ect then I'd say maybe see if they need more food at meal times but if it's sugary stuff crisps, sweets, chocolate ect then I'd Say you ain't doing anything wrong.... they sound like they are taking the mick and not necessarily hungry but just fancy the treats you have put up for lunches ect, if I'm honest I don't think I would have used their Christmas money to replace them I would just refuse to buy them treats until they learnt you've got boundaries.

My kids have
B: cereal & crumpets or toast
Fruit early morning
L: a pasta dish or sandwich/sausage/cucumber & tomatoes & yogurt
Small snack of some kind
D: whatever home cooked meal I was planning that day then a pudding
Supper they have their treats
( pack of crisps, snacks size chocolate bar & a cheese string or frube ect)

I know what my kids are fed is more than enough for them not to be hungry they may fancy something and say they are hungry but they arnt hungry they know they have their treat stuff in the evening...

My kids don't have free reign of the kitchen... they don't just go help themselves because if they did they wouldn't want to eat full meals they would pick all day everyday...

They are 11,10,8,6 I shop weekly and I spend about £30 on munchie bits for them that's enough for 4 kids for a week but if I left it upto them it would all be done in a day 🙈