Page 24 | I made my kids pay for the food they took

piqueen · 2023-03-21T11:24:17+00:00

Did I go too far? I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff? I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up. The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), ^all^ the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten. me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet. I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit. The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe. It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds) I'm going back and forth between 'actions have consequences' and 'kids will be kids' I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh Yabu - give the money back Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

Itsgottobeme · 22/03/2023 21:00

LaDamaDeElche · 22/03/2023 20:52

When I was growing up, sweets were not restricted, there was always a bowl of candies andchocolate around - which meant I wasn't that interested and barely ate any. Worked well, so I'm doing the same with my kids. There is a snack cupboard and they can help themselves. They do occasonally (and have never seen the need to hide the wrappers), but will much rather eat fruit or make themselves a sandwich. Make it a forbidden treat and of course it's suffenly much more interesting If only all kids were carbon copies and one rule worked for all! I went through a stage of impulsive snacking at that age and had full access to snacks. I wasn't hungry, I just binged. Some kids do. Not all kids can handle autonomy and responsibility. Sugar is addictive and some people find it hard to resist.

Sugar isnt addictive

SharonKaren · 22/03/2023 21:01

So you can see there are clearly lots of people who don't feel the need to hide food, make chocolates some sacred treat and the kids are doing fine. Not obsessing, not hiding, not obese. Lots of tips, e.g saying let's share, keep some for tomorrow, have this banana with peanut butter instead. You really need to evaluate the attitude with food and maybe offer some delicious real food alternatives. Instead of harsh "consequences" get them to see your pov.

On a side note I completely agree with pp asking why this is stealing and how's it related to money.. These are my children. They're entitled to food in our house. It's our house, our family, our food. It's a unit. Why would you have seperate cupboards, rations... You need to learn to live together and respect each others needs. If you teach them this, they'll think about you wanting a piece of chocolate before finishing everything in a rush secretly in their room.

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:02

vanilli78 · 22/03/2023 20:42

I’ve got 2 children the same ages. I’d be horrified if I found them feeling like they had to take food and asking them why. I don’t restrict any food and mine don’t over eat from the snack cupboard and always ask before they get anything. I certainly wouldn’t take any money from them to pay for snacks.

Well it's a bit different if your children don't over eat from the snack cupboard isn't it?

If they did go for all the crap food then you might feel differently. Not all children are the same

The op isn't restricting other foods as they have access to fruit , cheese and crackers etc and she obviously didn't think they'd decide to eat it all in a couple of days by the sounds of it

Thing is, kids can be unpredictable and they are all different

MrsKeats · 22/03/2023 21:02

Taking food from your fridge at home is 'stealing'?
Heard it all now.

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:05

MrsKeats · 22/03/2023 21:02

Taking food from your fridge at home is 'stealing'?
Heard it all now.

Can't see where the op had said stealing

Bouncybits · 22/03/2023 21:06

My ds had big dinners but was always peckish but even though I was and still am on a very tight budget I’ve never begrudged him as I was brought up in a household where food was highly monitored and I was always hungry I didn’t want the same for my own dc

SharonKaren · 22/03/2023 21:07

"Well it's a bit different if your children don't over eat from the snack cupboard isn't it?"

But the question is do you want to teach your children they should have a healthy relationship with food or do you want to just prevent your snacks running out. If its the first, even if it's difficult and your kids are being stubborn you as a parent must persist. It'll eventually happen as they gain maturity. Hiding food and punishing isn't the answer, it's not a long term solution it's a stop gap shortcut to achieving the second (snacks running out), and an invitation to future problems with food.

LaDamaDeElche · 22/03/2023 21:12

Sugar isnt addictive Not in the same way as crack or tobacco, obviously, but many people have problematic relationships with binging on sweet food. It's very rare to see someone binging on carrots and couscous and much more common to see people who struggle to control their consumption of sweet foods, especially kids.

Goldenbear · 22/03/2023 21:17

Climbles · 22/03/2023 19:50

This is why so many kids are unhealthy because people feel they should have unlimited access to high fat, high salt/sugar foods. If they were being denied toast, fruit and milk then that would be different but most kids will always want the expensive, colourfully wrapped cereal bars and crisps over healthier options and babybelle are expensive so I can understand why they are rationed. I think making them pay is a bit over the top but it’s done now so I’d would just move on.

That is just a sweeping soundbite that doesn't actually mean anything. I have stated earlier that my DC didn't, don't have those restrictions and the eldest in particular rejects most junk food (unless joining in with friends as biscuits are cheap) for snacks that are ok for you but actually quite expensive for me so he only likes fresh salsa and guacamole, he likes things like crab pate on crackers or expensive cheese. They self regulate to the point of me only serving up dinner now and between them they have had crackers and cheese at 5ish and DD had some Victoria sponge. I am late home from work so have only just got round to dinner as had to go to supermarket on the way home.

BarryStyles · 22/03/2023 21:18

So presumably the vast numbers of overweight kids in this country are denied unlimited sweets, crisps and biscuits, and this is the cause of their obesity - yes, yes that makes perfect sense…

Goldenbear · 22/03/2023 21:19

Yes, why do they overeat, has the OP said they are both have a reason to do so I'd not you have to start to encourage self regulation imo.

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:19

SharonKaren · 22/03/2023 21:07

"Well it's a bit different if your children don't over eat from the snack cupboard isn't it?"

But the question is do you want to teach your children they should have a healthy relationship with food or do you want to just prevent your snacks running out. If its the first, even if it's difficult and your kids are being stubborn you as a parent must persist. It'll eventually happen as they gain maturity. Hiding food and punishing isn't the answer, it's not a long term solution it's a stop gap shortcut to achieving the second (snacks running out), and an invitation to future problems with food.

If your children don't over eat or help themselves to the snacks in the cupboard then it's obviously different to if they do isn't it? If they don't then you don't have to work on it 🙄

G5000 · 22/03/2023 21:20

Can't see where the op had said stealing

Several other people have said that though on this thread

Climbles · 22/03/2023 21:22

Goldenbear · 22/03/2023 21:17

That is just a sweeping soundbite that doesn't actually mean anything. I have stated earlier that my DC didn't, don't have those restrictions and the eldest in particular rejects most junk food (unless joining in with friends as biscuits are cheap) for snacks that are ok for you but actually quite expensive for me so he only likes fresh salsa and guacamole, he likes things like crab pate on crackers or expensive cheese. They self regulate to the point of me only serving up dinner now and between them they have had crackers and cheese at 5ish and DD had some Victoria sponge. I am late home from work so have only just got round to dinner as had to go to supermarket on the way home.

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Congratulations, but you must realise your children are in the minority. This is why I said ‘most kids’. You probably haven’t needed to regulate your kids because they don’t have the same level of craving for unhealthy food that many kids do, You only have to look at the school play ground to know that the health issues facing kids are not because they are being denied snacks.

AnnieSnap · 22/03/2023 21:27

I think taking money from them for this is bizarre 🤷‍♀️

SharonKaren · 22/03/2023 21:28

"If your children don't over eat or help themselves to the snacks in the cupboard then it's obviously different to if they do isn't it? If they don't then you don't have to work on it 🙄"

They don't, because we work on that healthy relationship with food and we work as a family unit. They understand that if they finish everything then mummy and daddy won't have any and that's not right. Children aren't born with this understanding we teach them. These traits are not inherent they're learned... Please see the text above.

Goldenbear · 22/03/2023 21:30

Climbles · 22/03/2023 21:22

Congratulations, but you must realise your children are in the minority. This is why I said ‘most kids’. You probably haven’t needed to regulate your kids because they don’t have the same level of craving for unhealthy food that many kids do, You only have to look at the school play ground to know that the health issues facing kids are not because they are being denied snacks.

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Well they were certainly not like that at the OP"a children's age where the palette is still about the sweet stuff, I just think if you let them they'll grow out of it.

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:34

G5000 · 22/03/2023 21:20

Can't see where the op had said stealing

Several other people have said that though on this thread

Well tbf if one of my dcs ate all his lunch box snacks then moved on to eating all his brothers isn't that stealing from his brother ?

If a child took all the treat food out of your child's lunch box at school wouldn't that be stealing?

Don't think it's a bad thing to teach your child from a young age that it's not OK to take things that are for everyone

If they did it anywhere other than at home what would you call it ?

Goldenbear · 22/03/2023 21:35

SharonKaren · 22/03/2023 21:28

"If your children don't over eat or help themselves to the snacks in the cupboard then it's obviously different to if they do isn't it? If they don't then you don't have to work on it 🙄"

They don't, because we work on that healthy relationship with food and we work as a family unit. They understand that if they finish everything then mummy and daddy won't have any and that's not right. Children aren't born with this understanding we teach them. These traits are not inherent they're learned... Please see the text above.

This is very much how we approach it. We are a family and we think about each other, even siblings, try to discourage rivalry that so many families seem to have so they have healthy relationships when adults. I'm not saying that always works but it is a work in progress

Madamum18 · 22/03/2023 21:36

firsttimelondonmummy · 22/03/2023 17:49

@Madamum18 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
finally someone taking some sense!!!

Thankyou. I hope it is helpful for the OP

G5000 · 22/03/2023 21:37

If they did it anywhere other than at home what would you call it ?

But that's the entire point? It's our home, it's family's food, it's OK to take things that are for family members if you are in fact a member of this family. Of course it's not the same if you walk into a supermarket and out without paying.

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:38

SharonKaren · 22/03/2023 21:28

"If your children don't over eat or help themselves to the snacks in the cupboard then it's obviously different to if they do isn't it? If they don't then you don't have to work on it 🙄"

They don't, because we work on that healthy relationship with food and we work as a family unit. They understand that if they finish everything then mummy and daddy won't have any and that's not right. Children aren't born with this understanding we teach them. These traits are not inherent they're learned... Please see the text above.

So you're children have never done anything unexpected? Because it doesn't sound like the op expected her dc to eat all the snacks within a few days

And she has already said that she thinks she over reacted

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:38

Your

Goldenbear · 22/03/2023 21:39

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:34

Well tbf if one of my dcs ate all his lunch box snacks then moved on to eating all his brothers isn't that stealing from his brother ?

If a child took all the treat food out of your child's lunch box at school wouldn't that be stealing?

Don't think it's a bad thing to teach your child from a young age that it's not OK to take things that are for everyone

If they did it anywhere other than at home what would you call it ?

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But they are at home and are 9 and 10. At home I don't want them to be hung up the idea of coveting food. You tell them to think about others. It works for us, otherwise I would continue to use that approach.

Pubesofsoberness · 22/03/2023 21:39

G5000 · 22/03/2023 21:37

If they did it anywhere other than at home what would you call it ?

But that's the entire point? It's our home, it's family's food, it's OK to take things that are for family members if you are in fact a member of this family. Of course it's not the same if you walk into a supermarket and out without paying.

It's not OK to take it all when you know it's for the whole family