I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

[whoruntheworldgirls]

YANBU, if they were hungry they should have asked for something. They need to learn they can't just take things, they know what that food is bought for.

[PuttingDownRoots]

Get them a box each, and put their share in it at the beginning of the month. They can eat it all in two days or make it last the month. Their choice.

Then put yours/DHs out of reach.

[StoppinBy]

While I'm not sure where I sit on whether you should have taken the money (I think I would have asked for a small bit and told them if it kept happening they would lose more).

I don't think it's right to suggest they haven't got enough food so are eating it because they are hungry.

My kids have ADHD so it is a bit different but a lot of kids struggle with impulse control, they see what they want, think they can get away with it and they sometimes take it, my kids are terrible when it comes to junk so we tend to either keep it out of sight or out of reach. My kids eat plenty of food so they are not hungry, just like biscuits and chips and haven't got very good self control yet.

OP perhaps each person could have their own container for these types of foods and once they are gone, they are gone until the next big shop, this might help to teach them how quickly things run out when you gobble them up all at once.

[PinkSyCo]

That’s a lot of junk food they took! They are either very greedy or you are not feeding them enough at meal times. What is their weight like?

[NBLarsen]

I would have done the same, it's a good lesson to learn. Snacks cost money, they ate all of the snacks, more than their share, so their pocket money replaces the snacks that DH would have had. It's fair enough to me. And at 9 and 10 they don't "need" the money so they learn the lesson with no long term hardship.

But I would also have a conversation about healthy snacking habits, when to snack and when to wait for the meal, etc.

[Aftjbtibg]

What had you set out before about snacks and how much they were allowed? If you’ve kept saying it then fine but if this is the first time then I think it’s quite harsh. I’m a bit surprised they managed to eat so much of it without either of you seeing them do this.
In our house the kids have their own boxes for treats which what they can have in a week goes in; so they know that if it’s all eaten early on they won’t have any for the rest of the week. You could do the same with cereal bars and crisps if they’re all going too and keep the food for the rest of the month somewhere they know is out of bounds

[Coffeellama]

I think there’s more to this story that you’ve let on, cereal bars, cheese, yoghurt, even crisps aren’t ‘good stuff’, they aren’t just stealing all the sugar it’s taking food that is easily accessible to kids of those ages. Why do they feel they need to steal normal food? Cheese isn’t a sugar addiction. I’d understand if it was just the sweets and biscuits. You have bigger problems than just the money for it and making sure your DH has enough snacks. Have you addressed the situation and asked them about it or just punished and told off?

[ghostyslovesheets]

Wait until they are teenagers - basically human locusts - I buy snack stuff but when it's gone it's gone - if they want more they buy it for themselves

I wouldn't take their money in this case but I would discuss it with them and find out why - and explain it's not acceptable - also @PuttingDownRoots 's idea is a good one

[Iwonder08]

What a horrible story.. It is food, they are children.. Ask yourself why your children feel the need to hide what they eat in their own home?

[Floomobal]

This is deeply disturbing. Your children are hungry and clearly don’t have access to enough food. They’re hiding wrappers because they’re scared of your reaction.

This is one of the most concerning threads I’ve read on MN

[Sortyourlifeout]

I'm so sorry that people have jumped on you and are saying that your kids are 'hungry.' I'm sure that's not the case.

There is hungry and there is 'hungry'. Mine would eat all the fucking time if I let them, but that doesn't mean they are starving and unfed. Kids are always saying 'I'm staaaaaaaarving', but (unless in extreme cases, which of course does happen!) it doesn't mean that they are wasting away. And it doesn't mean that they have the right to go taking food from the cupboards without asking.

Your kids are old enough to know that they can ask for something if they want it and I think you handled it very well. Like someone else said, I possibly wouldn't have given two punishments, but we often make decisions when we are cross (because that's human nature). I would continue to NOT buy 'treat' snacks but tell them that they can earn their money back.

[Sortyourlifeout]

@Floomobal

This is deeply disturbing. Your children are hungry and clearly don’t have access to enough food. They’re hiding wrappers because they’re scared of your reaction.

This is one of the most concerning threads I’ve read on MN

This is the most ridiculous thing I have read in a very long time.

[CattySam]

Well there’s obviously a massive backstory here. You present it like it’s a money thing but then drop in that the bars are when DH can’t get to MacDonalds. Which makes no sense to me as surely if things are tight then he takes a sandwich too?

[TinaYouFatLard]

This is an uncomfortable read.

Also…£40?!! Are you seriously saying they took £40 worth of food in a few days?

I would rethink this course of action.

[FlounderingFruitcake]

Don’t replace any of the biscuits, crisps etc. early. When they see a lunch of only sandwich, fruit and veg they’ll soon get it. But wtf about the frubes and babybells- those are items they should be able to have whenever they’re hungry (within reason, obviously not if dinner is in 5 minutes) and no you shouldn’t take their Christmas money. There’s a fine line between teaching them that they can’t gorge on junk, the snacks are for everyone, need to last etc and giving them real food issues which you’re in danger of if you’re taking their money over reasonably healthy food like cereal bars, cheese and yoghurt. Talk to them. Make sure they can always access healthy snacks and that they know that they don’t need to sneak them away. Be clear that the biscuits and chocolate are for everyone and do 1 a day pr perhaps an individual weekly snack ration that when it’s gone it’s gone (whatever you think would be best).

[smashinggrapes]

No. I'd never take my kids money cause they snuck a fucking babybel or a frube.

I'd tell them to ask before they help themselves to certain things like chocolate and to tidy their bedrooms.

[Hollyhocksandlarkspur]

YANBU because children of that age need to be respectful of your family budget and resources and learn that taking food without asking is not allowed as there needs to be enough for you all to share fairly. I think making a clear boundary is the best way to achieve this. If they are indeed very hungry then that is a different issue and meals need to be increased and nutrition looked at.

If it is just that they are like all of us partial to the easy to eat sweet or salty treats and greed got the better of them, then I agree with PP who say talk and listen to them about food and snacks and what they are allowed to help themselves to when hungry (we were allowed crusty bread and butter and ate loads and my DC had the same) and have a box for a week’s worth of snacks each keeping the rest separately.

Get them to feel like a team in your family as they get older so don’t have to sneak around. They are definitely older enough to understand that spending needs to be budgeted for. It’s really frustrating for you if you have organised the family for a month and then have to keep buying more.

[Dontlistitonfacebook]

Don't you communicate about food in your house? My kids are grown up now but at age 9 or 10 they knew to ask for food if they were hungry. Partly so that all the lunch snacks didn't get used up but also so that I could help them choose something healthier than chocolate etc. Mine at that age wouldn't necessarily choose a healthy balanced diet if left to their own devices.

The teenage years were different of course - they could take what they wanted and locusts just about describes it!

İn the scenario that you describe, no l don't think I'd use their own money as it sounds like you haven't communicated with them about what's appropriate.

[isitjustmey]

@PenelopeTitsDrop3121

If they're resorting to having to steal food,it doesn't sound like they're getting enough food :(

My sister has a similar problem with my niece. She's a right little thief and she only eats the best of the best and I know shes not hungry or not getting enough food. There is more than enough food in the house, she's an only child. She stills steals (snacks purchased for packed lunches).

The cleaner found a bunch of snacks wrappers hidden in various places in her room. I mean it was shocking. Also hidden bowls that had cake and ice cream in it. It was endless.

There is always stuff in the fridge that she could eat if she was feeling peckish/hungry but she only ever steals snacks or things she's only allowed a limited qty of such as sweets, ice-cream etc. So I'd have to disagree with your statement.

[DaisyBoop]

@PenelopeTitsDrop3121

If they're resorting to having to steal food,it doesn't sound like they're getting enough food :(

😆 😆 It’s sweets, not proper food. Kids will eat sweets until they’re sick, even if they’ve just had a 3 course meal. I’d be more concerned if they were stealing loaves of bread.

[HalliwellManor]

I don't believe as others have said that the kids aren't getting enough food,most kids who have free access to treats aren't really able to ration what they eat,it's too tempting!.
I wouldn't make them pay for them,I just wouldn't buy more until the next shop is due.I but treats for my DD10 for the weekend but say once they're gone,they're gone.If she eats them all on Friday night then she knows that's it.
She's more able to self ration now and make them last.
Either that or you buy the months worth and split them into 4 piles,keep one pile in the cupboard and the other 3 stored away where they can't find them,then the following week bring the next lot out and so on.

[dottiedodah]

I think YABU here TBH.A 9 and 10 year old "stealing" snacks! Really most children are going to be tempted with treats lying around! You are making this into a big issue by taking their money to boot! I never understood Monthly Shoppers as all food would be snaffled in a couple of weeks here.Shop weekly and keep the goodies away from temptation or tell them if they are gone no more until the next week.

[budgiegirl]

This is deeply disturbing. Your children are hungry and clearly don’t have access to enough food. They’re hiding wrappers because they’re scared of your reaction.


This is one of the most concerning threads I’ve read on MN

What a load of nonsense. Kids like treats, it's often got nothing to do with hunger. What child wouldn't prefer to have a treat rather than a piece of fruit? Maybe they are hiding the wrappers because they've been told to ask before taking a treat, they didn't ask, and so they are hiding the evidence. Perfectly normal for a child to try to avoid getting in to trouble!

[Sortyourlifeout]

OP, I genuinely hope you are ok. You've gone quiet.

There are some horrible people on MN.

Your kids were being kids. You did what you felt was right.