I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

Exactly this. One of my children is like this. She has decent sized meals but would never stop snaking if I let her, on either fruit or "the good stuff". She is also slightly over weight. So yes snacks are rationed.

This is exactly what I think, it’s been delved into so ridiculously deep on here, starving children etc what a load of rubbish. They probably thought it fun and exciting, it’s what kids do.
I think you’ve done the right thing OP, they do have to learn so let them earn their money back by helping out with small jobs
Ignore the posters trying to drag you down.

I am a huge fan of consequences but I do think that kids need to know what they are before hand. Eg. explain that eating all the treats was wrong and that there aren't any more for the rest of the month and if they do it again they will have to pay to replace them.

Talk about OTT, 'dragging you down', they are 9 and 10 FGS, earning their 'own' gifted money back, it is their money!

Well it is stealing. Even if you've changed the meaning of what stealing means in your house so that you don't need to discipline your kids.

maybe you need to address the fact that you didn’t notice what was happening under your nose ie your children hiding all the wrappers. It’s not good on any level. Even the word stealing seams uncomfortable. Why not have a chat with them and decide on some healthy swaps and ask them what would fill them during the day so they are not hungry and snacking on sugary foods.
I think you should give them their money back.

I never really respond to anything on here, but reading this made me super uncomfortable. I would never judge anyone else’s parenting type because I genuinely believe everyone is so different and completely entitled to do their own thing. However, as you have questioned yourself on, are they just being kids? And will kids just be kids? Absolutely. I agree with several others on addressing maybe why they are feeling the need to ‘steal’ food. But at the same time, my kids will eat and eat and eat unless I monitored what they had and set boundaries for how many snacks etc they are allowed to have because they realistically don’t know any better. 9 year olds are still young, yes they know better than younger children but it is your responsibility to correct them and I don’t really understand how they haven’t been caught until now when you’ve found so many snack wrappers etc. I feel bad that they are being punished as if we’d charge rent or food shopping expenses from our kids as if they should be paying their way. They are kids. Our kids. Your kids. I truly believe in discipline and rules to shape our kids into understanding right from wrong and so on but making your children pay for their snacks? There is surely a better way to address this situation. I’m really sorry I just don’t agree with this at all.

This is why so many kids are unhealthy because people feel they should have unlimited access to high fat, high salt/sugar foods. If they were being denied toast, fruit and milk then that would be different but most kids will always want the expensive, colourfully wrapped cereal bars and crisps over healthier options and babybelle are expensive so I can understand why they are rationed. I think making them pay is a bit over the top but it’s done now so I’d would just move on.

Well it is stealing. Even if you've changed the meaning of what stealing means in your house so that you don't need to discipline your kids.

Well you certainly have an altertative meaning for 'manners' in your house - 'Can't scoff all the snacks only because they're locked away.' Of course easier this way than to raise your kids to be kind, considerate and able to self-regulate.

If your kids are hungry, crisps and sweet snacks won’t do. It just spikes your blood sugar and make you go for more. Fruits ok because if the fiber but they can lead to further sweet cravings because of the fructose so if you can, try have them eat boiled eggs, cheese and nuts (the whole unsalted kind) when they want something in between meals. Full fat non sugary Greek yogurt is good too.

My snacks aren't locked away. Because my children have learnt manners. When they were younger they did occasionally steal things. And found there were consequences to that. I didn't need to change the meaning of the word stealing in order to save myself the bother of teaching them right from wrong. They learnt to ask if they wanted something they weren't sure if they could have or not, not just steal it. It really is worth the bother so that kids don't grow up to be entitled untrustworthy adults.

I grew up in the Soviet Union. My parents always had plenty of sweets around and I just didn't care - chocolate bars, candy, whatever. I still don't have a sweet tooth. But there was rarely ever any fresh fruit, so whenever the parents managed to get some oranges - well, those were the coveted items and rationed out. Indeed we would go crazy and yes probably would have eaten and hid the evidence, if we thought we could get away with it.

Which is also the reason I don't want snacks to have the same appeal for my DC. So we have a well stocked snack cupboard - there's chocolate, cereal bars, candy, crisps etc. There's plenty of ice cream in the freezer. They have free access. You know how many snacks they have eaten today? 0. Not interested. Because they know that if they want, they can. Has worked just fine for us.

When they were younger they did occasionally steal things. It really is worth the bother so that kids don't grow up to be entitled untrustworthy adults.

All food in our house is our food. DC is not forbidden from eating the peanut butter because it's not his peanut butter - it would just be unwise. You cannot steal things that are already yours, no matter how you try to twist it.
For me it's quite OK if my children don't scoff all the chocolate because they think 'mummy might also want some' as opposed to 'mummy said I can't steal it'. We can compare the results later.

It's stealing no matter that it's your children.
When my first two were young, about 8 and 10, I took them out with me to the park and in the way back we went to a greengrocer who had display boxes if things like curly wurlys and mini packs of biscuits. Walking home, I saw them furtively eating something which was odd as they'd just eaten a warm eccles cake from the bakery before the fruit shop.
Yes, they'd stashed several items so I matched them back and made them go in, hand back the unopened items and each had to apologise. I paid for everything and assured the shopkeeper that that wasn't the end of it.
At home they had tea and straight to bed. No fun times with mum or dad, no treats, no playing out after school for two weeks and no pocket money for a month. It never happened again.

*of not if and marched not matched.

It's not stealing if it's food in your house.

The OP took her children's Christmas money. That's stealing.

My DD (9) has the most insane metabolism and she is constantly hungry/snacking but still super slim! (Luckier than her mother)
I find the more you restrict their food/snacks the more likely they are to sneak and steal it
We have a junk food cupboard with crisps chocolates sweets that I stock up whenever I shop, my DD also has her own mini fridge with her snacks in her room that she bought and chose herself..
I find because my kids have access to what they want when they want it they don't go for the junk food now they would rather toast/fruit/sandwiches etc.
I would get them to earn the money back and maybe give them pocket money to buy they're own snacks for the week? But tell them once they are gone there's no more?

I’ve got 2 children the same ages. I’d be horrified if I found them feeling like they had to take food and asking them why. I don’t restrict any food and mine don’t over eat from the snack cupboard and always ask before they get anything. I certainly wouldn’t take any money from them to pay for snacks.

@Clymene
We obviously have different views. Taking something which is not given or offered is stealing and the OP's children would have known it was put aside and not meant for them to help themselves, otherwise they would have done just that. Instead they took treats and ate them in secret, hiding the evidence. If that ain't 'stealing' then I don't know what is. If parents put bottles of wine or spirits away when the kids are of an age to drink, is it ok for them to take a bottle to their room without parents knowing and drink in secret? I think not. Same thing, kids know right from wrong otherwise they'd just take the stuff in front of their parents.
The price difference between 'treats' and wine is immaterial. It's the action which counts.

@katiewil
What happens to the junk food you buy now that your children don't 'go to' it preferring toast, fruit etc?

When I was growing up, sweets were not restricted, there was always a bowl of candies andchocolate around - which meant I wasn't that interested and barely ate any. Worked well, so I'm doing the same with my kids. There is a snack cupboard and they can help themselves. They do occasonally (and have never seen the need to hide the wrappers), but will much rather eat fruit or make themselves a sandwich. Make it a forbidden treat and of course it's suffenly much more interesting If only all kids were carbon copies and one rule worked for all! I went through a stage of impulsive snacking at that age and had full access to snacks. I wasn't hungry, I just binged. Some kids do. Not all kids can handle autonomy and responsibility. Sugar is addictive and some people find it hard to resist.

My children have always been able to help themselves to whatever they want. It's food for our family. Ita decidedly odd that you think someone taking a yoghurt from the fridge is the same as stealing from a shop.

And on that basis, you must think the OP has also stolen then. She went into her children's rooms and stole their money. You haven't commented on that.

That is arguably worse surely? The OP went and took something that wasn't hers and not even hers to have later.

How can one be okay and the other not? Or do children not deserve boundaries or things of their own?

Tbh it hardly gets eaten.. they may have a one or 2 of the junk things.. or I make them a picnic on a Saturday for their lunch and they might have one or 2 junk food things on there
What I meant by my post is that because I don't restrict and forbid my kids to eat junk food.. they actually don't nag or try and eat it all at once. They know if they want it it's there for them..

Treat food
Bad food
Good food
Junk
Snack cupboard only 1! A.day!
Jesus christ.
Food is food.stop labelling certain nutritional differing food as the above and giving a complex and moral value to food for a start.
Can we try to start stopping to fuck our kids up with good food bad food.becuade it's funny the food they are hiding.
Food is food.all food is ok.
They had a blow out.this is what kids will do.
Especially when they don't have access to all foods anytime and have to "ask" for certain foods.why?
Restriction leads only to one place.

Exactly.its neutral. Therefore just food.