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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just made a mum friend who is 10 years younger than me

250 replies

Skullandcrossbone · 21/03/2023 10:17

Our DC are in reception class together and are similar (both have suspected ASD too) they’ve formed a sort of semi friendship/enjoy playing together.

I was chatting to the mum at drop off today and she mentioned her age and she is 10 years younger than I am. She had her DS quite young I believe.
I do like her and would like our DC to meet up outside of school, but I have no friends who are that much younger than I am.

AIBU? Has anyone else got friends/mum friends who are much younger or older than they are?

OP posts:
Plimsongrey · 21/03/2023 10:19

What's the issue here? If you get on and DC play together why does age come into it?

BooksAndHooks · 21/03/2023 10:19

Was very normal when mine were at primary there were plenty who were ten or more years older than me, was never an issue at all.

MichelleScarn · 21/03/2023 10:20

Loads, don't ever actually ask ages!

yogaretreat · 21/03/2023 10:21

I have an autistic son, if you find a mum you like who is in a similar boat age is irrelevant as it's such a comfort to know someone you can talk to who really gets it. I have mum friends of all ages.

WaltzingWaters · 21/03/2023 10:23

A complete non-issue. If your kids get on and you get on meet for play dates and keep it at that. If you really find you get on and the age difference isn’t an issue you can meet up without the kids.

AlltheFs · 21/03/2023 10:25

This wouldn’t even occur to me to be an issue! I have friends of various ages. Several of my mum friends are a decade younger as I was an older parent and through my hobby I mix with various ages (horses).

I have a very good friend that is 31, I am 45. I have another very good friend that is 58.

It’s only weird if it’s an older adult with a vulnerable person or child. Eg I am careful with the teenagers at my yard, I do talk to them and ride with them and am friendly with them but I don’t quite deal with them quite as my friends as I think it is inappropriate. So I wouldn’t go out for the day with them etc.

10 years between adults is nothing.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 21/03/2023 10:25

I think mum friends it's more about kids ages than the mums.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 21/03/2023 10:25

I've got friends over 30 years older than me. I'm friends with them because they're nice, their age has nothing to do with it.

takealettermsjones · 21/03/2023 10:26

I don't really think it matters. If your kids are the same age then you're very much in the same stage of life!

balzamico · 21/03/2023 10:26

There's a saying that friendships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You definitely have the reason so go for it, she may be very mature (you may be immature!) but the kids are what will form the original basis of your friendship and with ASD kids friendships and peer support can make all the difference to what can be a lonely experience as a parent

MoongazyHare · 21/03/2023 10:26

She’s slightly younger, not an alien species! It might do you good to have a wider range of friends if you think it’s odd to spend time with people who aren’t the same age as you. You might not be able to reminisce about the same childhood chocolate bars or favourite teen music, but there’s a lot more to life. She might be a marine biologist or a concert violinist or someone who invents things to make buses run better, or a really good baker or expert at mending stuff. Or a fun person who is nice to spend time with, or cares about other people. You know, another human.

Having a baby young doesn’t make you inferior, which is more of what I am getting from your OP, if I’m honest…

evtheria · 21/03/2023 10:26

My best "schoolmum friend" (met through our kids in reception, now really close despite kids not being actual friends) is 10 years older than me.

What are you hesitant about?

tealandteal · 21/03/2023 10:26

I have just made a mum friend who is 10 years older than me……
Our children are not in the same class but hers also have ASD and it’s so nice to talk to someone who gets it.

Glitterblue · 21/03/2023 10:26

I’m 46. My best friends are 32, 53, 56 and 59.

GiltEdges · 21/03/2023 10:26

Why would this even occur to you as an issue? I have work friends who range from roughly 15 years younger to 30 years older than me. I consider them my friends because I like them as people, their age is completely irrelevant Confused

MyMumsOnMN · 21/03/2023 10:27

My best mum friend is 17 years older than me. Our kids are in the same class. If she was a year older, she would be the same age I was when I had my son. We get on great.

Enthrallingstoryofmoonlight · 21/03/2023 10:27

Why would it even cross your mind? I'm in my 50's and have friends in their 70's and friends in their 40's, age makes no difference whatsoever, nice to have the breadth of age groups.

user1471517095 · 21/03/2023 10:27

I made a mum friend, she's 12 years younger than me. We're off on holiday together for the 3rd time in June. I don't really understand your issue.

Pinacalola · 21/03/2023 10:28

I don't even know how old most of the mums I speak to are. I know their DC ages, and lots about them but could only put a vague age even some people I'm quite close to.

lazycats · 21/03/2023 10:28

Why is it a problem?

Albiboba · 21/03/2023 10:28

What a ridiculous post!

MyMumsOnMN · 21/03/2023 10:29

MyMumsOnMN · 21/03/2023 10:27

My best mum friend is 17 years older than me. Our kids are in the same class. If she was a year older, she would be the same age I was when I had my son. We get on great.

It would be the same age difference between me and her and my and my son, sorry. Post didn't really make sense.

Nimbostratus100 · 21/03/2023 10:29

age is irrelevant in adult friendships - I am very surprised you consider this to be an "age difference". I wouldn't consider it significant unless it was more than 20 years, and even then, not give it any thought. Just a quick mental trawl of my 10 closest friends.... range from 17 years younger to 21 years older.

Gymmum82 · 21/03/2023 10:30

My best friend has no children and is nearly 10 years younger. Makes no difference to our friendship

LarryStylinson · 21/03/2023 10:31

I can't remember my own age most of the time never mind anyone elses.

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