Paid back money but was wrong

[marchella]

Hi
This is a very quick summary but basically my MIL gave some money to my DH as an advance on his "inheritance". I knew nothing about this until he paid off my credit card ( roughly 5000 pounds). I wasn't happy as I hate owing people money.
That was about 5 years ago.
Recently I was talking to her about a completely different thing regarding her sons behaviour and mentioned that I have financially supported him for years.
SHe said " that is not true" and mentioned the unwanted money that my DH used to pay off my credit card.
I am super sensitive about being called a liar and would not borrow money unless I was desperate.
So I got my DH to get her bank account details and repaid it that night via bank transfer. In the section that asks for an invoice or reference number I wrote " so Marchella doesn't feel beholden".
They are now not speaking to me.
I think I've fucked up , but I have a thing about being called a liar , or taking money.

This Above
You could have simply put From Marchella.
But you didn't explain. You could have sent a text explaining and saying it was generous of her(actually it was generous of your DH) but you would like to return it with thanks.

There would have been no problem. You left her wondering what's this about. Why is she accusing me of calling her a liar Presumably she didn't say "You are a liar."
She corrected your statement with a fact. That's not calling someone a liar.

What did you say to DH at the time he paid off the card?

What did you say to DH at the time he paid off the card?

More to the point, HOW did he pay off the card?
I mean operationally, not financially. How did he access OP's account?

Not that we'll ever found out.
OP, who has a thing about being called a liar, has lied on her own thread, & is rightly having her arse handed to her.

I feel like there are a whole bunch of issues underlying this, of which this post only touches the surface. Why are you financially supporting your DH and not appearing to be that thrilled about that? Why is he giving you money without telling you?

You sound very difficult.

You had no business sending that money to MIL. She didn’t give it to you, DH did.

If you've been financially supporting your DH why would you mind that he paid off your credit card bill?

How can you possibly tell all that is the case from just one post from the OP, which has left out a LOT of background and context? We don't have a clue about their financial arrangements as OP has not provided any. We don't know what this "behaviour" is of the husband. We don't know why the credit card had 5k on it, why a credit card was needed in the first place, OR if it had been even higher than that to start or whether any regular payments were being made towards it prior to the husband putting the 5k towards it. We don't know exactly what the husband said to his mum about the credit card debt. We know virtually NOTHING about any details. You are just putting your own spin on it and making far too many assumptions

Gosh, the OP hasn’t been back.

How strange.

Yes @CurlyhairedAssassin I was offering up another spin on this.
I thought there were far too many posts calling the dh “kind” and telling op she’s the baddie!
Weird the op hasn’t been back though, on this basis I’m calling Bullshit 😂

She's probably at work...

I wish I could write longer references so if true I’d like to know the name of the bank. When making payments I can just fit in my average length name.

The only way it could write that in the reference is if you sent payment as a 'CHAPS'. I'm sure you can add more information that way. I highly doubt you would send it using that method considering there's a charge of £20-£30 to do so whereas a 'BACS' is free and more convenient for £5000.🤷🏻‍♀️

So you don’t like owing or borrowing money but had 5k on a credit card? LOL!

To be fair, I don’t like asking friends or family for loans or expecting them to bail me out but would be fine with taking a loan or putting a big purchase on a credit card.

There is a difference.
Borrowing from family can come with guilt, feelings of obligation or resentment attached!

So dh kindly paid your £5k credit card and you Aren't happy

He paid it with his money he got given

How have you supported him all these years

And yes your payment reference name reply was petty

I can't write a reference that long

I must be reading a different OP. Why is everyone gushing about how kind this man is?

Based on opening paragraph
-DH asks his mum for an advance on his inheritance but doesn’t tell wife

-Uses some to pay a CC bill in wife’s name

-For reasons unknown doesn’t support himself or family financially for the next five years; relies on wife’s income

-Wife moans to her mil about dh’s behaviour and that she’s been supporting him for years now

-MIL calls her DIL a liar because five years ago she knows her son paid a bill out of the money she gave him

I’m not excusing being rude to MIL but
he’s hardly winning any prizes in my view.

Where does it say he asked for the advance on the inheritance?

You’re right it says he was “given an advance on his inheritance”

A moot point really. I mean he paid a few grand off a bill five years ago and has contributed little since? Why is everyone lauding his kindness, I don’t get it.

Kind of his Mum yes but I don’t think he’s getting a Pride of Britain award for paying a bill five years ago.

It sounds like op can’t complain about having to pay every household bill thereafter without being reminded of the bloody inheritance five years ago.

Whats your take on it? Maybe I’m wrong.

We don’t know the situation or what op means by her financing him.

It simply could mean she earns more. So she is paying more of the bills because she earns more.

It could mean she is paying all the bills. We don’t know. It was hugely vague.

I could say I finance dp because I earn 4 times as much. He does pays bills. But I pay a lot more.

You know what doesn't support the story of the poor beknighted person who has been run into unavoidable credit card debt by their horrid parasite husband, all when she is so viscerally unable to bear debt?

He paid the debt off and she was happy to let that fly, and now when feeling huffy she p

ulls out 5 grand from nowhere to pay that off.

That doesn't jive with the dutiful financial martyr story at all. Quite the opposite, really.

@SmileyClare my take is this....

MIL gave some inheritance, she could well be sensibly and legally reducing her estate with a view to reducing IHT. That's a good idea, it potentially saves the estate 40% tax.

The MIL has not given the OP a single penny, the DH has.

But now she's given that money back, so it's back in the estate, if this was for IHT planning then the £5k if is taxed in £3k.

If OP wanted to show MIL she didn't want/need the money from her DH, she should've returned to money to her DH, with a similar made up reference, screenshot it and sent that to her MIL.

@ConcordeOoter yes there are some discrepancies here 😂

The CC bill was paid off by MIL/DH 5 years ago though. It’s quite possible to now have a few thousand in a savings account.

@DizzyLizzyKizzy yes I realise what you’re saying about MILs estate now being liable for inheritance tax because the money’s repaid.

Doesn’t really explain why op’s being called a bitch on here and her dh is being applauded for his kindness. It’s a matter of what? around 2k potentially lost in tax in the future.

You keep using the word "liar", it's not clear the MiL meant that, but obviously pointed out the inaccuracy of your statement.

You reaction was OTT.

How did you fit all that in the reference box? I can't even fit my full name.

I think complaining to your mil about her son was your biggest mistake
Yep. Even if that's true, moaning about it to his mother is never going to go well!