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Original poster

So upset, not sure what to do

717 replies

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:04

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

OP posts:
ellyeth · 24/03/2023 19:19

I agree with the comment about the RSPCA not being particularly helpful. Years ago my friend found a distressed kitten on the street. It kept going round and round and seemed really unwell. Not wanting to leave it in such a sorry state, she took it to the RSPCA and explained what had happened. They took the kitten away, then came back and said it was too ill to help and had had to be put to sleep. They then presented her with a bill. From my recollection, she refused to pay it - but is this the way to treat a person who is trying to do the right and humane thing?

I called the RSPCA out to stray cat who was hiding in the bushes in our garden. It seemed to be in quite a poor state but the young woman who came to take it away proclaimed almost immediately that it would be put to sleep.

I had a work colleague who had previously worked at the RSPCA headquarters in Horsham. This was many years ago when there wasn't much concern about the treatment of farm animals. Despite this lack of concern and awareness, a group of women came into the office to ask the organisation to raise the issue of battery hens. My colleague said the staff there thought it was enormously funny - not really what she expected from an organisation that purported to care about animals.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 06:28

linsey2581 · 24/03/2023 10:14

@Moonstarssunsky This cat is not your cat! Even if the cat was thin it maybe down to a medical condition. You say you’re concerned for its diet but you could have made his diet worse by feeding it. By feeding for this cat you have taken it away from its family. 😡 I also have 2 indoor cats and both are very happy to be inside .

Your indoor cats might we'll be happy being inside, but I guess that's only the case if it's all the cats have ever known.

Tom has been living as an outdoor cat, so to suddenly keep a cat like him inside isn't fair on him.
No doubt I'll get those posters jumping back on me to twist the knife in that it's my fault Tom will now be a house cat.

I'm just hoping that his owners will get him chipped and neutered and let him out. I wouldn't allow him back in my house if he visits, and he'll get used to that. I just want him to be happy roaning free.

OP posts:
youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 06:40

Tom has been living as an outdoor cat, so to suddenly keep a cat like him inside isn't fair on him.
No doubt I'll get those posters jumping back on me to twist the knife in that it's my fault Tom will now be a house cat.

The cat is not Tom!!! You don't know if the cat is happy or not, you are assuming.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 06:48

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 24/03/2023 10:18

Based on some of the later posts about ‘wherewithal’, I fear this has been a slightly disingenuous thread. And OP, I’m not sure why you keep coming back to it. It’s your thread, obviously, but you seem to be struggling with what 95% of posters have said, so why come back and out yourself through it?

I could understand if the majority of people think I'm wrong in what I did (although it's not 95% I'm sure), but out of those posters who think I'm in the wrong, so so many of them have been nasty, abusive and or absolutely determined not to even try and look at things from my point of view.
I don't value the opinions of people with attitudes like that.

I only value the opinions of people who've responded with rational, level headed and decent replies (even if some of those posters don't agree with how I went about things), because their opinions are sincere.
In my real life I wouldn't entertain spiteful, nasty people, so on here, although I've replied to a lot of vile posters, as I said, I still don't value their opinions, as it says a lot about someone if they are so blinkered and who love to kick someone whose tried to do their best.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 06:53

MaryHinges · 24/03/2023 10:36

Why do people always assume that if a cat appears outside their house it must be lost, distressed, need feeding, need taking to a vet etc? Personally I wouldn't have done anything. It's not my cat. If you ignore them they just go somewhere else. It seems more about people wanting to have control and ownership of things that don't belong to them.

I've had loads of cats appear in my garden, but I don't feed them, as I assume they are probably owned.

The difference with this cat, is because he seemed as if he was starving because he was very thin, and because he was still in intact this gave me another reason to believe he was a stray.
What's more, he would stay outside in the cat shelter, yet another reason I believed he didn't have a home.
I couldn't bear to think of him outside without being fed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 06:55

SallyWD · 24/03/2023 11:17

There's a difference between a cat occasionally being in the garden and one that's there most of the time who looks unhealthily thin or unkempt.
I see many cats in my garden and think nothing of it. They're clearly well looked after, neighbourhood cats. I don't assume they're strays. However, once there was a very thin cat who seemed to be permanently living under a hedge in my garden. She never went anywhere else. She clearly didn't have a home (or had run away, been abandoned). I put posters around the neighbourhood and took it to the vets to see if there was a microchip. Try as I might, I found no evidence of an owner. I adopted her and she became such a loving companion. I'm so pleased I gave her so much comfort and love during her final 3 years of life.
I think there's 9ften a very obvious difference between a cat who's just hanging out in your garden to one who doesn't have a home. And yes some cats do have homes but run away because they're unhappy there.

Show quote history

I agree that cats will run away if not happy

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 25/03/2023 06:58

The cat isn’t Tom. It’s whatever the actual owners call it.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 06:58

Imtryingnottobother · 24/03/2023 11:42

I don’t. But I can tell the difference between a well looked after pet and one that is either abandoned or lost.
The notion that all cats are much loved family pets, and we mustn’t feed, being pedalled on here is ridiculous, you obviously need to make efforts to locate the owner in case the animal is lost, but I would absolutely feed an animal that looked malnourished and displayed other behaviours to indicate it didn’t have a home, until I knew otherwise.

Show quote history

I agree that not all cats are loved, and Tom didn't appear as if he was.
I'm glad that there's other people like yourself who wouldn't turn a blind eye like many people would.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 25/03/2023 07:01

But this isn’t true because you said you went there to see if you could take the cat. You also said you wanted to give the man money to have him.
That’s not a welfare check.
I think people would have more respect for you as an animal lover with good intentions if you didn’t keep changing your story

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:03

Canthave2manycats · 24/03/2023 11:48

Agree with you both. For whatever reason the cat was choosing not to go home. The op fed him and kept him alive.

No need for the plethora of hysterical responses!

Show quote history

Thank you, according to the responses from a lot of posters, you'd think I'd 'kidnapped' a healthy looking happy cat against it's will.
There's a massive difference between trying to entice a cat from it's owner and trying to help a cat you believe doesn't have an owner.

And so many people have said the cat could've been lost. He wasn't. He came from down the road so could've easily gone back when he wanted. He chose not to

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:05

Canthave2manycats · 24/03/2023 11:57

I would have fed the cat until I had gained his trust. You didn’t deserve the abuse you have got, I totally agree.

Any sign of Tom yet? If he does come back, give him up to an animal shelter and let them deal with it. You can register an interest in adopting him if they put him up for rehoming.

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Thanks for understanding. No I've not seen him at all unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:13

Floomobal · 24/03/2023 14:41

the comments I find the most disgusting are from those who've 'made sure I know that 'it's 100% my fault that the cat will be kept inside indefinitely'

@Moonstarssunsky
What would you do if your cat had disappeared, you then found that someone had been feeding it, and letting it into their house etc. You got it home, and then that person came and knocked on your door, and said they would like your cat, and can they have it?

Surely you’d be on high alert that someone in the neighbourhood had designs on your cat, and you’d worry about letting him out incase that person took him??

Well the 'owners' would've known the cat was very thin, not chipped and not neutered, so, to me, it seems they're not bothered about him really.

OP posts:
Canthave2manycats · 25/03/2023 07:18

Grapewrath · 25/03/2023 06:58

The cat isn’t Tom. It’s whatever the actual owners call it.

And? Your point is?

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:19

ellyeth · 24/03/2023 19:19

I agree with the comment about the RSPCA not being particularly helpful. Years ago my friend found a distressed kitten on the street. It kept going round and round and seemed really unwell. Not wanting to leave it in such a sorry state, she took it to the RSPCA and explained what had happened. They took the kitten away, then came back and said it was too ill to help and had had to be put to sleep. They then presented her with a bill. From my recollection, she refused to pay it - but is this the way to treat a person who is trying to do the right and humane thing?

I called the RSPCA out to stray cat who was hiding in the bushes in our garden. It seemed to be in quite a poor state but the young woman who came to take it away proclaimed almost immediately that it would be put to sleep.

I had a work colleague who had previously worked at the RSPCA headquarters in Horsham. This was many years ago when there wasn't much concern about the treatment of farm animals. Despite this lack of concern and awareness, a group of women came into the office to ask the organisation to raise the issue of battery hens. My colleague said the staff there thought it was enormously funny - not really what she expected from an organisation that purported to care about animals.

What a sad post, as you say, the RSPCA don't appear to be as helpful as people assume in all cases.

OP posts:
youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 07:23

@Canthave2manycats I pointed out the same, the OP is talking about "Tom", Tom didn't exist, he belongs to his owners and he isn't OPs cat and isn't Tom.

OP needs to move on from believing it was a cat that needed a home, it's got a home and it's fine.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:24

youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 06:40

Tom has been living as an outdoor cat, so to suddenly keep a cat like him inside isn't fair on him.
No doubt I'll get those posters jumping back on me to twist the knife in that it's my fault Tom will now be a house cat.

The cat is not Tom!!! You don't know if the cat is happy or not, you are assuming.

I know the cat is not 'Tom' .... I used that name just on here. He has another name actually, that my family and I have nicknamed him, obviously unaware he has an original name.

Erm and I think I know him better than you thanks, I know that he's happiest being able to come and go as he pleases, as outdoor cats are!
That's not an 'assumption', it's obvious that any cat who is used to the freedom of the outdoors is not going to be happy suddenly being kept in. That's pure common sense.

OP posts:
Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 25/03/2023 07:25

When are you going to rescue your own cat, OP? It might give you some focus on something other than the cat down the road.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:30

Grapewrath · 25/03/2023 07:01

But this isn’t true because you said you went there to see if you could take the cat. You also said you wanted to give the man money to have him.
That’s not a welfare check.
I think people would have more respect for you as an animal lover with good intentions if you didn’t keep changing your story

It's quite easy to visit a house for all the things you quoted you know.
I went mainly to speak to the family (civilly) and, yes I did ask if they would allow me to have him. But I ONLY asked that because I didn't believe the cat was happy with them or he wouldn't have come to us.
If you've never heard the saying that cats choose their owners, then look it up.

You'll see that a cat will decide for itself where it wants to be. Obviously, if s cat is well looked after then no one else should be feeding it or allowing it to stay over in their homes.
But when a cat isn't being looked after, and doesn't appear to have an owner, then the cat should be free to be where it's going to be cared for.

OP posts:
youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 07:31

@Moonstarssunsky well Tom is now an indoor cat, at his owners choice.

That's it!

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:32

Canthave2manycats · 25/03/2023 07:18

And? Your point is?

Show quote history

Precisely!

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 25/03/2023 07:39

youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 07:23

@Canthave2manycats I pointed out the same, the OP is talking about "Tom", Tom didn't exist, he belongs to his owners and he isn't OPs cat and isn't Tom.

OP needs to move on from believing it was a cat that needed a home, it's got a home and it's fine.

I know the cat isn't Tom.
I now know the cat has an owner.

If you actually read the thread, you will see that 'Tom' didn't appear to have an owner, he was very thin and would be outside my house sitting in the rain waiting for me.
A well fed and well looked after cat wouldn't do that.

So yes, 'Tom' has a home. BUT, does he have a home where he's happy to be?

No he doesn't. That's why he came to me.
I can't believe people like yourself can't see this.
You clearly see a cat as a possession and not an animal with feelings.

OP posts:
youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 07:41

@Moonstarssunsky I have read the thread,

You say it didn't appear to have an owner, your interpretation, he did have an owner and they've decided to keep him indoors now. To stop history repeating itself.

youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 07:42

@Moonstarssunsky you cannot say "has he got a home he's happy to be in", because you can't ask him.

So stop going g round in circles with it.

You cannot have "Tim", move on!

youbitchesaretwats · 25/03/2023 07:43

@Moonstarssunsky and actually with the way you are on here, if the owners got one tenth of the attitude you have here, no wonder they've made him an indoor cat.

They're scared of you stealing him.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 25/03/2023 07:43

Oh dear. I think the OP feels she deserves to keep this cat because she thinks he preferred her, and so the cat decided and the owners are denying his ‘wishes’. I think that’s at the root of this. She thinks Tom picked her and so she should be allowed to keep him as a result. But at the end of the day it’s a cat. A cat will just chase the scran.

Cats roam everywhere, we had a big old cat when I was a kid that would feign starvation and near death at every house in the village. To the point they all thought they had a special bond with him. But he still came home to us each night and slept on the Aga. Often didn’t eat his own food though. He liked dog food, actually.