So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

I never said he was unwell. I said he was underfed.
And he didn't just turn up for food, he got closer to us and started to stay over eventually. That is not the actions of a cat who has a home he's happy in.

I don't care which ever way you try and dissect everything I've written. A happy, well fed, well cared for cat will not go elsewhere, (although some cats are well cared for but choose to go elsewhere because maybe they don't like living with other pets or young children for example)

Regardless, cats are NOT loyal, if their needs aren't being met they will go for their better option.
I'm this situation, I believe Tom left home because a number of things didn't make him happy where he came from.

I had a similar experience years ago. A wandering Tom cat who was very much loved and well cared for but was old so had that skinny scraggy look they can get in old age.

Disappeared for a few weeks and I waa heartbroken and thought he'd gone off to die somewhere. Till I was walking down the road one day and saw a woman with MY cat in a cat carrier. I approached her with tears of joy and she said I couldn't prove that it was my cat and that she had been feeding him for weeks and so even if it was my cat, he was obviously neglected and she was keeping him. I had to run back to my place to get pictures to prove he was mine and threaten to call the Police and report her for theft. I doubt the Police would have done anything but it worked and she handed him over.

So of course I kept him in from then on. I'd have thought she was even more nuts than I already did if she'd then turned up at my door insisting she'd read his mind and knew he'd be happier with her!

I literally had a similar experience to you OP only without the obsession over the 'stray' and it turned out he lived about 30 doors down. Not all Tom's are the same so you quoting figures means nothing, and many lose bearings within a street or two. You'd know this being an expert in cats of course.

The difference between our scenario's is I posted on nextdoor and put a couple of posters on lampposts to try and find the owner. You... Decided this cat loved you or something and that he was yours. You did literally what every cat owner doesn't want someone to do but somehow you think you know a lot about cats. The responses to this thread are telling, as is your reaction.

My explanation is easily the most likely one and your reaction even to my post is hysterical and way over the top for a reasonable human being. He wasn't yours, you've lost him, move on.

I imagine if this was posted on a more public forum your neighbours would be keeping their cats well away from you in case you tried this again.

I'm merely stating the obvious. You don't understand cats, you view them as possessions.

Irony? Much?

Posts like yours are absolutely unbelievable.
I don't have an 'obsession' over a stray cat, I've been concerned for his welfare.

Pardon me for giving a shit for an animal.

Op you didn’t answer my question? If the family are neglecting him and don’t love him why wouldn’t they hand him over for money.
More than one poster has shared that they’ve had to keep their cats indoors for fear of interfering neighbours claiming them. Please listen. You are making things very hard for this family and have prevented ‘Tom’ from being able to roam.
YOU are the person who isn’t showing regard for this cat by being so insistent it should be with your family

OP have you ever read John Bradshaw's Cat Sense? If not, I recommend it. He makes the point that it's very difficult, both historically and in the present day, to work out how many cats there are in the UK. Why? Well it's because cats and homes do not map onto each other. For any other animal, you can just ask humans how many dogs/ horses/ chinchillas they own and work it out from there. You cannot do this with cats, because if you dig around in the stats, you find the Smiths, Jones and Browns all in fact own the same cat. So you count three cats, but there's only actually one.

The reason people aren't getting the point about the cat being unhappy and underfed is because we've only got your say on it, and we don't know you, so we don't know how reliable you are. I mean, you might be John Bradshaw and know exactly what you're talking about. But you might be like a lot of people and assume an expertise you don't have. IME people can have a strange view of what looks healthy in animals, so I'm afraid I'm not going to go purely on your word, especially since you have a vested interested in proving the cat was desperate for a new home.

So the evidence is that cats often have territories that include multiple human homes. We've only got your say on the cat's thinness. All cats will eat food put out for them, unless it's the really expensive stuff they liked yesterday that you've just bought a big batch of. And for all Tom's unhappiness, his owner managed to pick him up, something you apparently failed to do in months of feeding him. I really hope the cat is doing OK but I'm not convinced his old home was as dreadful as you seem to think.

It's their cat. It has gone missing. It's stayed around for food it isn't a stray it's their much missed pet.

I can't believe OP is being a 'pick me' over a cat 🙂

I think you're projecting your own experience with the "crank' as I think you called her (a name you seem to have implied suited me), who tried to entice your cat away from you, knowing your cat has an owner.

I didn't believe Tom had an owner (I've repeated this so many times) and when I found out he did I was shocked to say the least.
But I was only shocked because of the condition he'd came to us in. I was worried for him when I found out and yes I asked (politely) if we could take him on.

The owner said no, but that doesn't mean that Tom is well looked after, just because the owner refused.
Also, where was the owner all of these months?... There were no posts on social media, there were no posters on lamp posts from his owners.
Yes, it really does seem as if they were concerned for his whereabouts doesn't it. 🙄

I'm not going to engage with you anymore, despite how much you'll try your damndest to continuously put me down for caring about the cat.

It clearly is because you've stated you're upset. I don't get why you think being upset over a cat doing cat things is a rational response to the situation?

The fact that the. You've posted a lot justifying why you're right to be upset about a cat doing cat things and you literally talked about snatching it out of its owners arms. It's pretty odd and obsessive about a cat that had nothing to do with you.

I don't care which ever way you try and dissect everything I've written. A happy, well fed, well cared for cat will not go elsewhere

Nonsense. A cat that has strayed too far from home and can't find its way back will of course seek sustenance and comfort elsewhere. It doesn't mean it wasn't happy where it was. You're being deliberately ignorant now and the way you're projecting thoughts into Tom's head frankly disturbing.

I believe Tom left home because a number of things didn't make him happy where he came from.

I mean, really?!!!

Did you lock Tom in your house 24/7? How do you know he wasn't going home when he wasn't at your house?

Pressed post too soon. I meant to add, the reason they might not have leafleted looking for him is because, to them, he wasn't missing to them. He could've been going home between visits to your house.

Yes you're right, you've only got my word on how I've described his condition. But, seriously, do you honestly think I'd start a thread like this (,and continue to post) if I wasn't very concerned?
I have better things to do with my time.

I totally understand cats can have a multitude of houses to go to, but this cat didn't just come here for food.
As I've explained numerous times, he'd rather stay outside in the cold weather (there is a shelter, but even so, not like a warm house) than go back down the road to his home.
That speaks massive volumes, as cats love the warmth.

So, in short, he could've gone to numerous houses to be fed yes, but he chose to actially move into mine eventually. There's a reason for that.

And I've also described why I feared getting too near him at first. Yes, his owner managed to pick him up, but, again, that doesn't mean that the owner is responsible.

Because the young man said they'd not seen him for months.

So it's gone from 'some time' in your OP to 'some months'.

Was he an indoor cat when he was at yours or did you let him come and go?

he'd rather stay outside in the cold weather (there is a shelter, but even so, not like a warm house) than go back down the road to his home
He was lost! You said yourself had been missing for months, wad thin and the house was very far down.

So that blows your assumption that this 'Tom' must've got lost. His owners live down the road!

And yet, somehow, you didn’t quite flier far enough down the road when you were apparently looking for his owners.

I think there’s some pretty impressive cognitive dissonance going on here. You don’t seem to see that because you ‘adopted’ the cat, fed him, lured him into your home to sleep on your bed, fattened him up, for some reason failed to take him to a vet, then saw his owner picking him up outside, wanted to wrestle the cat from him, then went to the owner’s house to ask to have him instead of them… it’s your actions that have made them too fearful of you doing the same thing again and taking their cat, that they’ve said they’re going to keep him in.

Whether you think you’re better than them, they’re the doing the wrong thing or not, your good intentions, is all irrelevant because the cat is theirs and they’re doing it because of you.

Ok so now I'm also apparently 'ignorant' too. Those insults just keep on rolling in don't they. 🙄

Of course a cat will seek sustenance and comfort from elsewhere if it's lost. I agree with that.
But this cat was NOT LOST .... I repeat NOT LOST.

He came from down the road. Yes down the other end of my road. About a five minute walk. I shall repeat once again, the cat was NOT LOST.

And if a cat can find it's way home from probably a few miles away, trust me, it can find it's way down the road. I actually give up with your posts!

Also, you don’t actually know that the reason he looked like shit was because he’d been stuck in someone’s shed or garage for ages before he wandered into your lives, you don’t know he was neglected.

How come you didn’t come across the owners then when you were searching for them? They sound very close.

So how does that explain seeing him sitting outside in the rain (sometimes he was in the shelter) day in day out, week in week out if he knew he had caring owners and a warm home down the road?

I'll give up posting if you answer one question, which so far you have repeatedly ignored:

Did you, after opening your home to Tom, feeding him and looking after him, lock him in so he became an indoor cat or was he free to come and go?

The reason I'm asking is because that makes a huge difference as to whether the owner genuinely thought he was missing and why they didn't stick up 'Lost' posters. He could have been coming and going between your homes. As you say, it wasn't that far between your houses for him to find his way back. My question is - did you let him out so he could try?