AIBU?
How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??
Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 11:52
DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?
A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.
This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!
Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Ladybug14 · 19/03/2023 12:45
This isn't about Mothering Sunday
This is about him not caring about you. You are only important to him as someone who can make his life easier
Seriously...... so many people (not just men) are like this. Me me me, selfish selfish selfish
I'd look at leaving him
But that's me, not you
I'd definitely go out for the rest of the day on my own
Huge hugs to you, OP
donttellmehesalive · 19/03/2023 12:45
Nowthatlovehasperished · 19/03/2023 12:43
Be sure to put even less effort (if that's possible) into Father's Day.
I disagree with this though. What is his own experience of celebration days? If his parents didn't bother with Mother's Day and Father's Day, it might help to demonstrate what a good one looks like.
LaSevillana · 19/03/2023 12:47
It's truly baffling how many married women still feel smug and look down on single women, because from where I'm sitting, it looks like the vast majority of marriages are like this. Mean, lazy husbands letting their wives take on the majority of the housework and everything else, not even bothering with the smallest gestures like flowers or breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. And on top of that, yours negs and criticises your body.
Honestly, why do you bother? Is this your idea of normal? Being emotionally neglected (if not downright abused)? Living with a man who won't get something out of a car for his child? Is this what a good life looks like?
arethereanyleftatall · 19/03/2023 12:47
Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 12:08
I just don’t understand. It would take ten minutes and £10 total to buy a card, buy a bunch of flowers, and make me a cup of tea. In exchange, he’d get me being happy and grateful and we’d have a nice time. Even from an entirely selfish perspective, surely ten minutes and £10 is worth it for him to have a nice day?!
Since you don't understand it, posters are going to have to be harsh. Cruel to be kind to help you see your way to a nicer life for you.
Your husband is a cunt. He doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. Certainly not you. You are a vessel to make his life easier and someone to have sex with. He understands full well what level of effort he has to put in to make sure you don't leave. And that's where his effort ends.
From your responses, it's clear you're not ready/don't want to listen to people who can objectively, without emotion, see that your husband is awful.
I hope for your own sake, and your children's, the scales fall from your eyes as soon as possible.
Good luck for when you get out of this.
WinterMusings · 19/03/2023 12:47
ssd · 19/03/2023 12:09
Look op, if you're going to put up with a load of crap dont come on mn moaning about it. Hes fucking useless and you accept it. Either shit or get off the pot.
@ssd I know you'll be finding today hard 🌷but that's a bit blunt for someone who is upset. I agree with your sentiment, but not the boot it was delivered with!
WinterDeWinter · 19/03/2023 12:47
OP, this is awful - but sitting in the car isn't going to help. You need to pull yourself together, go inside and say in as calm a voice as you can something along the lines:
'DH, I feel really hurt that you haven't been bothered to mark Mother's Day. In fact, you've been even more selfish than usual. Why do you think you've done that?'
And his response will tell you whether this is structural or a one-off.
Amispringy · 19/03/2023 12:49
toodlesofoodles · 19/03/2023 12:22
My morning sounds quite similar to yours in the respect of my DH being an inconsiderate, thoughtless knob.
I greatly enjoy spending Mother's Day morning crying over feeling so utterly unappreciated and taken for granted.
Currently cooking as we're hosting HIS parents for lunch later, after ironing all the dc uniforms for next week.
Lots of love OP, here are some flowers from me 
But why are you cooking and ironing
Just don't do it. His mother isn't your mother
BellePeppa · 19/03/2023 12:51
aureus3012 · 19/03/2023 12:02
I would go out....literally just get your stuff, walk out the door and go wherever you will have a good time. Text him and tell him you will be out until x time, turn your phone off and enjoy it. Whatever happens, I hope you have the day you deserve and that he has the day he deserves!
This sounds good. He may be ‘intelligent’ but he’s lacking in emotional intelligence which is far more important in a relationship. Personally I would have had the first choice item in the cafe. As a poster says don’t martyr yourself! Speak up rather than silently seethe.
OpenYourEyesPeople · 19/03/2023 12:54
RedHelenB · 19/03/2023 12:46
10 out of 10 for martyrdom OP. Say what your first choice of food is, that you didn't want to get up till 9 or whatever.
Are you enjoying shitting on everyone's cornflakes today? I've noticed you calling women martyrs on several posts. Was that the most constructive thing to say to upset women?
MultipleVeganPies · 19/03/2023 12:57
He Sounds thoughtless and selfish, but you also sound like you encourage it by being a bit of a martyr and hoping against hope that he will just get it one day…
he won’t
you were silly to be accommodating about the food, you could have just said: there was only one bacon sandwich left so I ordered you an egg sandwich instead
you were also silly to not get him to mind DC whilst you ate, but being a martyr and even letting him eat your food instead
grow a backbone and stop letting him get away with his selfish ways
or leave him. But really, start by finding a backbone. You have to fight for yourself and what you want, being a martyr has never ever worked for any woman
Queenofscones · 19/03/2023 12:58
OpenYourEyesPeople · 19/03/2023 12:54
Are you enjoying shitting on everyone's cornflakes today? I've noticed you calling women martyrs on several posts. Was that the most constructive thing to say to upset women?
RedHelenB · 19/03/2023 12:46
10 out of 10 for martyrdom OP. Say what your first choice of food is, that you didn't want to get up till 9 or whatever.
Op has explained that she can't just leave the children with him and go, she's breastfeeding a young baby.
TeaserandtheFirecat · 19/03/2023 13:00
Maireas · 19/03/2023 12:49
Why do women have children with men like this? I do not get it.
OP - stop being a martyr, this has nothing to do with Mother's Day, sort out your marriage.
Often, these men wait until the woman is trapped with kids before they start being utter twats.
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