How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

[Ishefuckingkiddingme]

DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?

A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!

Another man who really doesn't like women, or even regard them as actual people.

What makes you say he's intelligent? Intelligent on what way? Clearly not emotional intelligence.

This isn't about Mothering Sunday

This is about him not caring about you. You are only important to him as someone who can make his life easier

Seriously...... so many people (not just men) are like this. Me me me, selfish selfish selfish

I'd look at leaving him

But that's me, not you

I'd definitely go out for the rest of the day on my own

Huge hugs to you, OP

I disagree with this though. What is his own experience of celebration days? If his parents didn't bother with Mother's Day and Father's Day, it might help to demonstrate what a good one looks like.

10 out of 10 for martyrdom OP. Say what your first choice of food is, that you didn't want to get up till 9 or whatever.

Call him out on it.

Tell him not only are you disappointed but you're angry and hurt at his lack of consideration and his shit parenting skills.

He didn't just get his first choice in the cafe, he also ate half of yours as well? That is so horrible by itself!

Since you don't understand it, posters are going to have to be harsh. Cruel to be kind to help you see your way to a nicer life for you.

Your husband is a cunt. He doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. Certainly not you. You are a vessel to make his life easier and someone to have sex with. He understands full well what level of effort he has to put in to make sure you don't leave. And that's where his effort ends.

From your responses, it's clear you're not ready/don't want to listen to people who can objectively, without emotion, see that your husband is awful.
I hope for your own sake, and your children's, the scales fall from your eyes as soon as possible.

Good luck for when you get out of this.

@ssd I know you'll be finding today hard 🌷but that's a bit blunt for someone who is upset. I agree with your sentiment, but not the boot it was delivered with!

OP, this is awful - but sitting in the car isn't going to help. You need to pull yourself together, go inside and say in as calm a voice as you can something along the lines:
'DH, I feel really hurt that you haven't been bothered to mark Mother's Day. In fact, you've been even more selfish than usual. Why do you think you've done that?'
And his response will tell you whether this is structural or a one-off.

I do also think that @RedHelenB is right.

Speak up

Tell him what you want

Make sure you get it

Although i totally understand that HAVING to do this, makes life just yukkity yuk

YABU for calling him decent and intelligent. He sounds like a total fucking nightmare. I say this as someone with an absolute cunt of an ex husband - enough is enough for these grim lives with miserable and entitled partners.

Why do women have children with men like this? I do not get it.
OP - stop being a martyr, this has nothing to do with Mother's Day, sort out your marriage.

But why are you cooking and ironing

Just don't do it. His mother isn't your mother

He sounds well horrid. OP, why are you standing for that?

Do something nice for yourself. If he’s not bothered to do it, show him that you are.

Walk out of the house and take yourself and your mother out.

@SquidwardBound I don't mind the cooking really, I've got most of it prepped now so I'm chilling on mn for a bit, dc are all on various devices so at least they're quiet!

This sounds good. He may be ‘intelligent’ but he’s lacking in emotional intelligence which is far more important in a relationship. Personally I would have had the first choice item in the cafe. As a poster says don’t martyr yourself! Speak up rather than silently seethe.

Are you enjoying shitting on everyone's cornflakes today? I've noticed you calling women martyrs on several posts. Was that the most constructive thing to say to upset women?

Make sure you do the same Father’s Day OP

He Sounds thoughtless and selfish, but you also sound like you encourage it by being a bit of a martyr and hoping against hope that he will just get it one day…

he won’t

you were silly to be accommodating about the food, you could have just said: there was only one bacon sandwich left so I ordered you an egg sandwich instead

you were also silly to not get him to mind DC whilst you ate, but being a martyr and even letting him eat your food instead

grow a backbone and stop letting him get away with his selfish ways

or leave him. But really, start by finding a backbone. You have to fight for yourself and what you want, being a martyr has never ever worked for any woman

Op has explained that she can't just leave the children with him and go, she's breastfeeding a young baby.

It's just not important to him. Bottom line

Often, these men wait until the woman is trapped with kids before they start being utter twats.

In the restaurant, why didn't you tell him they only had one of what you both wanted, "... & since it's Mother's Day, I get it & you get to look after the kids, haha!".